Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer
Where: Nose Hill Park (Peckers Point), 5620 14 St NW
Attendance : 19

This run tied last Monday’s run as the HOTTEST run of the year. I’m told* it was a short one and people gathered for some backside fun afterwards. I’m unsure whether Stool Stuffer got his meat out this time, but I sort of remember Hardly and Twisted Sister mentioning that everybody would get wiener. There is no photographic evidence however (not here anyway. You may want to try your luck on some other site).

Get a life! Two milestones this week:

1. Hardly at 1350 runs
2. Twisted Sister at 1350 runs

What a coincidence, say you? Nah. Despite being married for a bazillion years, these two always ensure that they come together.

On-On!

*If you want more accurate scribblings, write them yourself!

Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker
Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary
Attendance : 39
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.

No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:

1. Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
2. Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
3. Wet Spot (idem)

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On-On!

*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!

Hares : Pyro
Where : Baker Park, Bowness
Attendance : 26
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

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Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).

3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.

Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.

Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.

Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.

Get a LIFE! Two milestones this week:

1. Hump the Shark ran his 169th run;
2. Princess Monkey Spanker celebrated her 350th.

On-On!

Hares : Daisy Duke
Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW
Attendance : Twenty… nine*
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

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As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:

• Trails are set for Monday nights.
• Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
• Circle up at 7:00 pm
• All trails will have fully supported regroups
• Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
• Down Downs will be outside
• On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
• TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
• Masks are not required outside
• 2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households

As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.

This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.

Two milestones this week:

1. Pyro (the legend) ran his 1269th run
2. That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.

On-On!

Hares : Hump the Shark
Where : The Berwick Public House, 356 Cranston Road NE
Attendance : 23 (running in multiple groups of fewer than 10)

Yours truly, PMS

ON ON!

Hares : Lay’em in Snow & Dastardly (again!)
Where : End of 40 Ave and Varsity Road NE
Attendance : 23 (running separately, some from remote prairie locations)

Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where : Booty & Snow’s Love Nest, 1739 – 27 Street SW
Attendance : 12-ish? (running separately)

Hares : Liquor Lots, Oozie Pizzle Panties, Dastardly
Where : Bowmont Park, 85 St NW, Calgary
Attendance : 29 (running separately)

This week again, hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures. Safety Third!

This was also the trail of many milestones:

• King Shit ran his 1500th, securing his spot as the Runner Up to the Hash’s biggest loser title. Get a life, King Shit!
• The beautiful Mucky Dip (569 runs) 69’ed fellow 69-er…
• Liquor Lots (69 runs). Lesbians are best, boys!

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Depending on when you ran trail, you may have run into Bownesian yoots loitering by the river, throwing caution to the wind and empties into the Bow. Tsk tsk.

On-On!

Hares : Pull My Woody and Sticky Lips
Where : West Hillhurst Community Association, 1940 6 Ave NW
Attendance : 25 (running separately)

This week marked the first trail set since the latest set of mandatory restrictions. Because the Calgary Hash House Harriers are responsible law-abiding citizens, hares set trail but hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures.

Trail was well marked (with V’s for on, C’s for checks and X’s for checkback) and left very little room for error, unless your name is Haywood Jablömee, in which case you ran every which way, paying little attention to marks and made the trail 19km long. Even your Strava gave up on you and reported back in two separate segments.

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The rest of us underachievers kept it real and stuck to the #realeagle or turkey trails.

Carry On-On!

Hares : Can You Hear Me Now and Aunty Frank (?)
Where : King George School, 2108 10th St. NW
Attendance : 20-something (in multiple groups of fewer than 10)

Can You Hear Me Now and Aunty Frank (maybe? Was he even there?) delighted us with a wonderful trail that covered varied terrain. Proving that they are indeed “Old Men” and losing their marbles, the hares forgot to mention that they used flagging, on top of the myriad of chalk marks featured above.

This week marked Snevil’s 800th. She is still quite spry and could easily pass for a hasher in her 400’s. It was noticed that she disappeared on trail, with Daisy Duke AND Roaring Nancy. Whatever were they up to??

Despite CYHMN’s promises of a “no killer run”, the Eagle trail took us on a treacherous urban cliff and had hashers grabbing at shrubbery for dear life. I’m happy to report that everyone survived (which I guess fulfilled the hare’s promise).

There are no reports of anything that went on with the 7pm group, proving the adage: “What happens with the 7-Crew stays with the 7-Crew”.

The next few weeks will have us back to running alone (or in smaller groups). We made the most of it this week, while we still could.

On-On and stay safe out there!