#1798 – Cheeky Dry Beaver Run

Hares : Hot Cheeks, Running Dry, Frigid Beaver
Where: Lighthouse Pub
Big Rock: It’s 4/20! Chill with a cool one, dude
Religious Advisor: Rasta Beater
Attendance: 38

Hashers getting higher

See photos from the Run!

The hash gathered at one of the hash favorite venues, The Lighthouse – REAL discounts on beer, friendly service, and a place to call our own – thank you Lighthouse for all you do!

The trail set by a pack of our favourite harrierettes, Frigid Beaver, Running Dry, and Hot Cheeks, and a very excellent night for hashing.

On top of all this – it was 420, and Dementia asked another cousin of Master Beater (Rasta Beater) to fill in.  It takes one to know one, and a stoner can see a stoner right off…

Romeo was downed for rolling up to the hash in his stoner van , disappearing in the back for a while before emerging for circle up… hmmm.

Spreadworthy must have already been wasted to toss half of her perfectly good beer down the sewer.  She received a replacement and drank it fully under the watchful eyes of the hash.

Lay Em in Snow’s mutt definitely must have been shot-gunning some second hand or found a special brownie, as she took a dump in the middle of the busy street.

Stoned hipster Goes Both Ways showed his lack of comprehension of time, clean shaven in the Winter, and growing a beard for Summer… weird.

Dirty Girl and Men O Pause wandered off the edge of a cliff, weren’t seen for while… and then reappeared… smiling.  Drugs lead to sex.

Baby was so stoned, we didn’t hear the horn half of the night as the hash horn was wandering about off trail… stoned I bet.

Men O pause was dazed and lost the rest of the night.

Pull My Woody exhibited a sure sign of a stoner, looking to sell anything he could for his next score, soliciting Master Beater to sell him car parts from his totaled Subaru.

Krusty showed up late… typical for someone always carrying around the pipe.

Running Dry in her probably drug-induced state, set her marks every 10 feet.  The other hares helped steer her the right way, and rubbed out the excessive marks.  This became ironic as her co-hares Hot Cheeks and Frigid Beaver supposedly being the “guides”, ran the hash near the shiggy, but never into it.  It was like parading a pot head by a field of weed, and not stopping to have a toke – HASH SHITS to both hares generously donated by Lofty Prancer and Abandoned Pussy.

Dastardly had a bad trip, and was heard commenting, “there are no winners”. Implying of course in the ears of Rasta Beater that the hashers in the Calgary kennel apparently are losers?  Drugs sometimes cause mood swings.

Frigid Beaver happily celebrated 50 runs!  YEA!!!

Rubbermade rightly corrected the R.A. that the new boots had been forgotten, which she received a down-down reward for…  and then wrongly didn’t carry her hash shit at the hash, for which she drank again in punishment.

Finally, Rasta Beater declared the hash “on the spliff”, and merriment followed.  (Or at least munching and beer).


– Master Beater


1798 - Ya mon! It is 4/20 today (Master Beater and Romeo)


Granny Panties in a knot?

1798 - Running Dry and her bright beer socks

#1792 – Bare Balls Run

Hares : Bare Down There & Spitting Balls
WhereStix Sports Bar, 5255 Richmond Road SW
Big Rock: Swallow it; don’t spit
Attendance: 37

Snevel does the Reverse Cowgirl

See photos from the Run!

Bare Balls Run

More incredibly great weather greeted the Calgary H3 kennel again as they set on a Bare Down There and Spittin Balls run through the neighborhoods near Styx Pub.   It was a straight forward trail, no messing around.  Plenty of trail markings and arrows, and lots and lots of dogs.  Seems the Hash has caught on that Hash Mattress Rubbermade is an animal lover!  Seeing her face glow when either a shaved squirrel on a leash or some type of canine/rodent genetically modified experiment proceeded to shit in the Hash circle…  was priceless!  The whole hash could feel the love!

Lay ‘em and Shack Shock were caught with technology on trail.  And Pink Meat was brought up mostly because the Calgary Hash had not been able to sing the Australian song in way too long of a span.  Bare Down There was downed for the genetic experiment shit in the circle,  and Sucks Everything for whizzing on trail, which is a reason to show off his wanker.

Men O Pause drank a large tankard of beer for his 169th run.  This was important to later in the night as Rubbermade had earmarked Pause as being the one she could hand off the half yard if she ran into trouble.  Her plan had to be changed.

With young guns setting the trail, Religious Adviser Dr. Phil felt compelled to tell some of the best pedophile jokes told in the hash…  assuming it has been done before.

The highlight (and much of the evening) was taken by Rubbermade as she sipped the half yard like it had never been sipped before for her 350th run.

Quickly, the aging Doctor ran out of steam, and suddenly there were copious amounts of free beer for the hashers!   Oh what a great and giving R.A. we have!!

On On!

Master Beater


Daisy Duke's beer cup fez

#1789 – Valentine’s Run

Hares : Bare Down There and Granny Panties
Where: Rose and Crown, 1503 – 4th Ave SW
Big Rock: for Lovers… Beer Lovers
Attendance: 29

Valentine's Day

See photos from the Run

Hares Grannie Panties and Bare Down There really showed their stuff in setting the trail.  Love hearts adorned the sidewalks including 17th Avenue, and broken hearts greeted the would be FRB’s that ran the wrong way.   Hardley went wrong in a bad way, and was not seen until the On In.  Hashing is unforgiving at times, and poor Hardley was kicked to the curb after chasing (sorry – “running after”) a reportedly very cute runner that turned out not to be hasher.  So it goes.

A rat, squirrel, or some assumed to be, mammal roamed around the inside of the circle, adding an edgy element before the start.

Roaring Nancy celebrated his 200th run with a large-sized Down Down

American transplant Master Beater, acting as Religious Adviser, utilized his covert “monitoring network” (every American has one), to intercept Valentines messages sent from various Hashers and Harriettes to one another.

The messages as intercepted, though as gruesome and sickening as our kennel, read as follows:

Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
If he’s busy on Valentines Day,
the side chick is you!

Wear nothing, not even your bikini
I’ve spilled some gin on my weenie.
I thought this uncouth,
So I’ve added vermouth,
Would you like me to slip you a martini?

Twinkle Twinkle little star.
You should know what you are.
And once you know what you are.
Mental hospital is not so far.

I love you baby,
It’s you I have really missed
But all that time you were away,
I was sleeping with your sis!

Roses are red
Carnations are white
I’ve been to the chemist
how about it tonight!

Roses r crap,
Violets are wanky,
Oooh I’ve just come,
Pass me a hanky.

Violets are blue,
Roses are thorny,
Be my Valentine,
Because I’m horny!

You were so distant
Now we’re as one
Thanks to some duct tape
And a glue gun

 Roses are red.
Sex is elementary.
Let’s call up a friend,
And try double entry!

 Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Zippers are tough
But I have faith in you.

 Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What I thought was vaseline,
Turned out to be glue!

I wish I was your mirror
Hanging on your wall
Cause every time you get undressed
Guess who’d see it all?

 I love you almighty
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie
Now don’t be mistaken
Don’t be misled,
I mean on a clothes line
And not in the bed!

 I wish I were a bar of soap, lying in your hand,
So every time you took a shower, I’d see the promised land…

On On!

Master Beater