Hares : Tight Lips
Where: Stix Sports Bar, 5255 Richmond Road SW
Religious Advisor: Masterbeater
Walking into the pub before the run, Menage A Trois opened the door for the R.A. a nice gesture to be sure. Groveling? Certainly. Over the top? Absoultely. Awardable? You better believe it. At least one hasher gets the importance of impressing an R.A.!
Tight Lips set quite the trail, and we all ended up at the all-to-familiar Stix Pub, whereupon Running Dry rationed out the very precious and short in supply down-downs. For which she was downed quickly after the Hare got downed.
No choir tonight, as choirs are for sissies, and I was riding high from all the accolades (ok one but leave it to you to point that out) last week. Besides, Baby wasn’t there, and it wouldn’t be the same without him.
Sweet Ass left the Calgary Hash months (years?) ago in a huff. We were too right-minded and way to conservative. Alberta is now NDP. Sweet Ass thought she would come back and no one would remember. Religious Advisers remember all your bad shit. Downed.
Speaking of sweet asses, Rubbermade’s hit the steering wheel and set off the car alarm. Was she trying to be a smart ass? Was her ass showing off? Or just a dumb ass? We don’t know, and I’m not an investigative RA. Downed.
Sticky Lips and Pull My Woody showed up without a penny to pinch between their ass cheeks. Approached “Guido” Auntie Frank he offered to help them out of their financial situation… at 39% interest compounded daily. As they haggled over how much was enough money to cover their high flying hash lifestyle, the numbers grew faster than those readouts that show the US National debt growth in live time. Downed both their asses to give them both some free beer and spare them a little interest on borrowed funds.
Sneevil was being a tight ass according to King Shit, who paid her bill last week for a salad… only to find out she paid, and King Shit got soaked by the bar. Downed Sneevil for relief of being wrongly accused. King Shit already paid the bar again, so I judged penance paid.
Men O Pause’s big ass still fits in the Onesie of Shame. Called him up to check. Yep, still fits. Sent him back after downing.
Hash Mattress Abandoned Pussy should have considered sex in the ass… instead she’s knocked up. Congratulations A.P., and better you than me. (That would be really awkward for sure anyway) Downed with a copious amount of water.
Lost In Space truly looked like a Neo Nazi Oregon Stomin’ Mormon from Montana with his new dew (lack of) skinhead lookin’ ass – Downed.
Not sure who inspired who, but Flat shaved off his stache. Summer stache, Winter bald shaved lips. I really am all for bald shaved stuff, but not Flat’s lips – That’s confused ass stuff. Downed.
Buried Pleasure got herself a nice ass watch for 250 runs. Appreciation and downed.
Some under-achieving ass with apparently little else to do than hash reached 550 runs. When asked if he wanted to do the half yard, he non-chalantly shrugged and flatly said “sure”. Are we boring you Doctor Phil? VERY well executed half yard. (I think, I probably wasn’t watching the whole time)
Biggest Ass, Funniest Ass, Crazy Ass of the night was awarded to Lyin Sack of Shit for rummaging through the van at the regroup to find the beer. Great move and greatly appreciated… if only it was a hasher’s van! Some poor muggle out there had all of his shit fondled by Lyin Sack. HASH SHIT!
King Shit got thanked for pictures, all the work relocating and reworking the webshite, coming up with songs to bail stuck R.A.’s and general bad-assness is for the hash. Appreciated and downed.
Rubbermade was thanked (and downed again) for being a great R.A. with a really great ass. An obvious attempt to build up points lest I get downed to oblivion when she is R.A. again. Yep, I’m that big of an Ass.
AND that’s the way I saw it. Your ever faithful (until I find a better hash that will let me in) Religious Adviser of the evening, Master Beater.
<<your hashname here>> These are King Shit’s words not mine – I write my own.