#1846 – Strap On and Beater’s Chinese New Year Run

Hares : Masterbeater and Strap On Cramp On
WhereBlack Swan Ale House, 10455 Southport Rd SW
Religious Advisor: Lost In Space
Attendance: 40

Strap On's bicycle built for a onesie
Strap On’s bicycle built for a onesie

See photos from the Run!


SUMMARY OPINION – A tremendous trail laid by the hares, on a tremendously great night, at a tremendous bar, spoiled only by a TERRIBLE performance by the choir and Religious Adviser!

That’s all you really need to know from my own point of view, but I’m going to tell you more anyway.

The run was on Chinese New Year.  It had absolutely nothing to do with China, the New Year, or monkeys.  It didn’t even run past a Chinese restaurant.  I guess you could say it was unintentionally the anti Chinese New Year run?

On a balmy February evening (yes it really was!), a large group of Hashers and Harriettes circled up at the Black Swan for Strap On Cramp On’s maiden voyage as hare (Master Beater alongside in the role of bitch/hare consultant).

All hashers that is except Sucks Everything, who despite numerous calls and texts to King Shit, could not find the trail, hash, or re-group.  He cut his losses and made the On-In thank goodness.

Ahhhh… the bliss of scratchy gravel on ice, the slosh of snow melt obliterating chalk marks, the sounds of On-On… and the endless bitching of a hash being put to work to find their regroup beer! ______ was set straight by Lost in Space after the run though.  If she had any thoughts that she would be acknowledged for her level of bitching, she has a long way to go to catch up to a fair-weathered Baby!

Frogodile Hunter is to be commended above all others for holding the best form of double flip-offs to the hare’s each time she came back by from a check back.  She was focused and the result was evident – her fingers were as strongly presented at the end as they were at the start.  You’d honestly think all that time on an island in the Pacific would mellow a person?

I think the muggles living in the apartment complexes off of Southland Trail really enjoyed the horns, calls, and excitement in their otherwise mundane lives.  Or not.  We didn’t really think to ask now that I review that in my head.

The choir of Hardly, King Shit, and Skewbic Hair sang “Shitty Trail”  which only goes to show that their willingness to pick on a new hare as sweet and innocent as our Strap On Cramp On, lends credence that the rumours are likely true that they kick little puppies and step on cute kittens as well.  The hares were appalled there was no protest from those gathered.  E tu “walkers”?

Somehow the onesie of shame was exchanged from Strap On to Master Beater.  No reason given but when the Religious Adviser is Lost In Space, reasoning flies out the window faster than a mylar balloon with the windows of the car down.

The rest of the night the Lost one redeemed himself by dealing out the religion to those that really needed it.

Hung Loose was hit for not only failing to call Strap On by her proper name, but then failing to even get her street name correct!

Poor Baby was so distraught and flustered at being called “chunky” by Rubbermade, he forgot totally he is from Brunei, and commented “you shouldn’t call Chinese chunky”.  Ummmm… she actually didn’t Baby…

Princess Monkey Spanker was brought up for being French Canadian, and therefore having limited English comprehension.  She very curtly replied she is French/Canadian… in perfect English.  Well, she’s got that part down pat.

Tight Lips brought back a long lost friend, the monkey found at the Crantucky run for the Year of the Monkey Chinese New Year.

New Boot – Sophia was brought along by Comes and Goes, waded through pools of water, skittered across endless sidewalks glazed with ice, really bad attempts at jokes by hashers, and finally brought up to the front of the room for a welcome refreshment.  And then told to go sit down.  That’s kind of it Sophia – it doesn’t get any better I’m sorry to say!

Sneevil saw a sign.  Not of the second coming of Christ, but of the second coming of Dr Fill’s hair!  Not only that, she found a way for him to communicate with the forces that could resurrect that which he considered lost forever.  She brought back the sign to the bar for him to jot down the number.  She’s so considerate and caring!

There was more.  I never remember and I’m damn sure I don’t want to ask Lost in Space!

I can tell you if you weren’t there, it was a good night to be out, and a great night spent with the Calgary kennel!

The bar kitchen ran out of mini-yorkies, and the poor waitress paid the price trying to keep up with the beer when the owner doubted the need for 2 wait staff.  It was heard from a hasher that the owner’s lone comment to the waitress in his own defense was, “I thought they were a running club!?!”   No – A Drinking Club with a Running Problem good sir!  It’s a critical mistake to make.


Master Beater

Again with this!  King Shit apparently thinks he has a trademark on the usage of this phrase!   He’s STILL trying to lure me into using HIS words!

<<your hashname here>>