Many hashers gasped with horror when they saw those two hares’ names combined for this Monday’s run. Some even conveniently found themselves suddenly “busy” with their “other friends” that night (ahem-Snevil&HotCheeks-ahem).
Shockingly, trail was no ball buster. Some technology relying race-ists may have even clocked it at a very reasonable 6.3km. To prove that they weren’t going soft on us, Pyro and Krusty *did* however provide us with mucky grounds, prickly bushes and steep hills.
No milestones this week, but we had the visit of two virgins (whom Wet Spot and Cum Honor made come): Bjoern and Aline. Bjoern wanted to run with airpods in, but gave up on the idea after p̶e̶r̶s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶̶̶r̶̶̶i̶̶̶b̶̶̶b̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶g̶̶̶ some guidance from the rest of the pack.
Also, archived Frogodile Hunter graced us with her presence. Regrettably, she found no frogodiles on trail.
In other news, there were two episodes of alcohol abuse, for which the perpetrators were punished by abusing more alcohol.
Red Deer expats Cum Honor and Wet Spot (I wonder if their names and their coupling are a coincidence…) delighted Sticky Lips with the shortest fair weather hash in Calgary Hash History. They insisted that they were doing it the Red Deer way and they generously provided their own regroup beer.
Because the run was so short, nothing much happened on trail. Speaking of short, Lying Sack chose to relieve (and expose!) himself in full view of young and impressionable harrierettes. He defended himself by arguing that there wasn’t “anything to see”.
No milestones this week, but run 2175 saw the first cumming of JC (thanks to Lof-T Prancer). Now we’re all nervously awaiting his second cumming. “The hour and the day no man knoweth” (D&C 49:7), although one might speculate that it would be on a Monday, at 7pm.
Hares : Cam Shaft and Mmm… Lady Fingers Where: Varsity Acres Park Attendance : 22
A radical change in weather from the previous few runs. This one was a WET ONE. A few things happened: trail was run, beers were drunk, songs were sung, ridiculous headgear was worn and tomfoolery took place.
Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer Where: Nose Hill Park (Peckers Point), 5620 14 St NW Attendance : 19
This run tied last Monday’s run as the HOTTEST run of the year. I’m told* it was a short one and people gathered for some backside fun afterwards. I’m unsure whether Stool Stuffer got his meat out this time, but I sort of remember Hardly and Twisted Sister mentioning that everybody would get wiener. There is no photographic evidence however (not here anyway. You may want to try your luck on some other site).
Get a life! Two milestones this week:
Hardly at 1350 runs
Twisted Sister at 1350 runs
What a coincidence, say you? Nah. Despite being married for a bazillion years, these two always ensure that they come together.
*If you want more accurate scribblings, write them yourself!
Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary Attendance : 39 (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.
No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:
Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
Wet Spot (idem)
Speaking of noobs: we also had the second cumming of noobie John. It was explained to him that he doesn’t need Strap-On Crampon to come. He can come by himself.
Because Red Deer Hashers don’t have the level of sophisti-ma-cations that us Calgarians have, Cum on ‘er was spotted urinating on trail. Tsk Tsk.
*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!
Hares : Pyro Where : Baker Park, Bowness Attendance : 26 (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).
3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.
Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.
Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.
Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.
Hares : Daisy Duke Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW Attendance : Twenty… nine* (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:
Trails are set for Monday nights.
Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
Circle up at 7:00 pm
All trails will have fully supported regroups
Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
Down Downs will be outside
On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
Masks are not required outside
2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households
As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.
This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.
Two milestones this week:
Pyro (the legend)ran his 1269th run
That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.
Hares : Lay’em in Snow & Dastardly (again!) Where : End of 40 Ave and Varsity Road NE Attendance : 23 (running separately, some from remote prairie locations)
Dastardly, who can’t seen to wanna stop haring, offered his assistance to other fellow Master Trail Setter Lay’em In Snow. They braved snakes and amphibians to set us a record setting trail that featured big wood, red-tipped cocks (or was it red-winged blackbirds?), beavers and a huge hole.
World’s Longest Scavenger Hunt list
world’s biggest check
big log with a H on it
Cliff swallows (at least that’s what he says)
Not many hashers are as into bird watching as Dastardly and Lay’em apparently are (we’re into a different kind of bird watching), so no one completed the scavenger hunt. Slippy Thong was reportedly too busy scanning the ground for reptiles to notice anything else.
Hump The Shark lost his car keys in the wilderness, which put him in the awkward situation of not having access to his beer at the regroup. Fear not, dear reader, some generous and selfless hashers provided Hump with libations, proving once again that the hash will always be there for you in your worst moments of need.
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers