Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister
Where: Tops pizza and sports bar, Calgary, AB
RA: Cock Tale?
Attendance: 8?
Category Archives: Special Event
Run 2327 – Lay’em In Snow Memorial Run
Hares: Cam Shaft
Where: Castle Mountain Resort
RA: Virgin RA
Attendance: 9
RUN 2320 – Boxing Day Boxer Shorts Run
Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister
Location: Chez Hardly and Twisty, Beddington, NW Calgary
RA: Stool Stuffer
Attendance: 19
Boxing Day Run!
The Beginning
With the calendar enabling to have hash after hash after hash, it was now time for the traditional Boxing Day – Boxer Shorts run. Hardly and Twisty volunteered to set trail and host the crew of runners and walkers who had not yet succumbed to the over abundance of Christmas cheer, given that Monday was Christmas Day…. and there was a run to be had!
The weather cooperated and it was a warm, sunny day well suited for an afternoon run through the wilds of Beddington. Temperatures in excess of 10 C were observed on the drive up to the run. Global warming is adorning the hard packed ice and snow with a delightful layer of meltwater, just perfect for loss of traction.
The group parked on the street and assembled on a sunny driveway across the street. Dirty Dancer and Mouthful are used to their sunny driveway being overrun by hashers, so did not call the police to remove the unruly gang of anxious and loud hashers.
Boxer shorts fashion show.
Circle up was called, and On-In lead the group through the opening ceremonies. Hardly described the marks for the run, confirmed that the run conformed to the Abu Dhabi convention, and to disregard any ancient marks from previous trails set in the neighbourhood. B was the letter of interest for those following true trail.
The Run
The pack was released to find the true trail. Of course the first long downhill segment lead to a check back. After much milling around and discovering other false trails, evidence to the true trail emerged.
There were playgrounds to be enjoyed. Hardly had selected a portion of the neighbourhood that was rich with PG’s. Unruly hashers took to swinging, teetering, and shopping cart thrills. I do not suspect we will be welcome back.
Finally, after an exhausting trail, the end was near. BN spotted on the post meant that beverages would soon be available to quench our overpowering thirst. A crowd gathered on the sidewalk in anticipation of refreshments to follow.
Regroup and Down Down’s
In spite of global warming, the regroup was held indoors so we can bask in the shadow of and warmth of our carbon footprint.
As we enjoyed our beverages, the call was made to a spontaneous RA to do the closing ceremonies. Stool Stuffer did not decline quick enough and was elected to conduct the down downs.
The group packed into the section of the house that was beer spill resistant, and Stoolie launched into his program. Choir…. whoever could remember a song. Content? Clever hand off to the down-down recipient to select the next victim. A fine display of mirth and merriment, in keeping with the drinking season we are in the middle of. Down down to the hares and hosts, down downs for the check back champions, Christmas sock wearers and best boxers. Blue Balls has chosen to be the fastest runner in the hash! Another down down. It keeps on going until On-In declares “on the piss”.
And the winner is! Best shopping cart adventure ride of the trail.
The Trail
Something close to 5 km in the warm sunny weather!
Scribed by Skewbic Hair
RUN 2319 – Ho Ho Ho! Christmas Day Run
Hares: Snow Blower and Bootie Camp
Location: The BooBlow’s new pad
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 16?
It’s not often that Christmas falls on a Monday. In fact since the start of the Calgary Chapter of the Hash House Harriers, Christmas has fallen on a Monday exactly 6 times: in 1989, 1995, 2000, 2006, 2017 and 2023.
This year, Snow Blower and Bootie Camp were gracious enough to open their doors (AND CLOSE IT!! DON’T LET THE CAT OUT!) to host this true Hashmas miracle of a run. Snow Blower promised that it wasn’t long. I guess he’s a grower, not a shower, because it went on for longer than any of us expected. Still, it was just the right length on this beautiful winter’s day.
What else happened?
* Dastardly brought RG beers as well as an assortment of his own personal collection of Christmas themed booze (think Candy Cane liqueur and the such).
* The archived Davidson family graced us with their presence. With any luck we’ll see them again at next year’s Stampede Hash.
* Liquor Quicker also made an appearance though she hadn’t been gone long enough to warrant her the title of “Archive”.
* PMS and Strap-On looked as cool as ever.
* Hardly stroked pussy (and it liked it).
On On
PMS
Run 2313- Grey Cup Run and Game Watch Party
Hares: Hump the Shark
Location: Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffers Place – Fairview SE
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 21
The Story
The annual Grey Cup football game is the pinnacle of the Canadian Football League season. We plan a special afternoon run prior to the game, the come back to eat, drink and celebrate with a game watch party. This year, however, the home team neglected to succeed in sufficient victories to participate in this years match. As such, the choice was cheering for Winnipeg, or Montreal. A tough choice for those in Alberta.
The Beginning
We were blessed with great weather for late November, with temperatures around 10 C. 21 Hashers appeared at the Stool Stuffer/Rashy Bush dream house in Fairview to participate in the trail. The group invaded their space and proceeded to chat and socialize prior to the circle.
The Circle
Eventually, the circle was called to order by PMS. There were a number of announcements for the group prior to going through the introductions. Here are a few photos of the circle.
The Trail
The hares were released to find the marks that Hump the Shark had set to mark the trail. Not to be confused with the plethora of “F” marks legacy of the recent Full Moon Hash, the primary marking was a “G“, symbolizing the Grey Cup theme for the run.
As the scribe was part of the walking contingent, not a lot to report on the true trail, except is was epic! This neighbourhood has a high level of inflatable Christmas ornaments. It appears the some sort of virus was ripped through the neighbourhood as many unblown Christmas characters were observed. I expect this problem to be solved before the big day.
Regroup
After a challenging trail (and walk), the regroup appeared in the backyard of the host’s mansion. A suitable smokeless fire pit was filled with wet wood and other debris with hope of a warm, smokeless fire experience. Drinking and chatting were in order prior the the down downs commencing.
The Down-Downs
King Shit was the RA for the down-downs. An great display of wit and humour.
KS did a fine job of appointing On-In to appoint a choir, who were Slippy Thong, Snow Blower and Skewbic Hair. Such talent was graciously appreciated by the group.
A fine set of closing ceremony accusation were dreamed up and some fine singing was delivered. KS even had a cheat sheet to make sure he stayed on track! Apparently PMS has some secret French beer, Meteor branded. She seemed to enjoy it! A taste of home!
A little thin on evidence of the down-down’s as the photographer was tied up with choiring.
Game Watch Party
We snacked and drank and chatted until the Grey Cup football game started. Very impressive number of commercials that had to be watched, interspersed with some football action. The Western guys were winning at half time. The Green Day half time show reminded us how old we are all getting. Stoolie and Rashy put on some yummy food. Epic success! Apparently, the Montreal team produced a victory!
Scribed by Skewbic Hair
On On.
2307 – Thanksgiving Feast Run
Hares: Hardly and Twisty
Where: Hardly and Twisty’s Place
104 Bermuda Way NW, Calgary, AB
https://maps.app.goo.gl/dtrBErx5vzXc33sr9
RA: Dastardly
Attendance: 16
What you missed…..
The Story
For all those Hashers that chose to travel to warmer climes on the Thanksgiving Day weekend, we can report you missed the warmest weekend on record. The +26 C temperatures, brilliant sunshine, and perfect running conditions means you missed the best Thanksgiving Run and Feast ever. The select group that chose to come and play were not disappointed.
The group arrived to settle into pre run refreshments in the garden area of the run start location. We had visitors from Mexico, long lost hashers, and new people to compliment the regulars!
Hashers gathered on the driveway of Dirty Dancer, who conveniently lives across the street from Hardly/Twisty, and offered his pavement as a starting point for the trail.
Happy hasher who have no clue what is in store for them.
In the absence of any current hashmasters, Liquor Lots took charge and conducted the circle. As the Past Master, her organizational skills were still sharp!
A difficult task as it was almost too nice to run. However, out of respect for the hares who had invested countless hours setting a challenging trail for both the runners and the walkers, the group was “off”
The Trail
The trail was marked primarily in “T”, symbolizing the turkey we were all there to enjoy. The oppressively warm weather meant light clothing with not a down vest in sight on any of the runners. The blinding sun was reminiscent of crossing a vast desert. Endless blocks of marks, leaves, pathways and and overabundance of Halloween decorations adorning the lawns of Beddington and Sandstone communities.
Regroup
Eventually, after al the false trails were explored and no more “T”‘s were to be found, the pack was rewarded with the regroup. A find selection of cool libations and fellowship was enjoyed by all.
Down Downs and Feasting
After a satisfying regroup, the pack reassembled in the garden backyard of the Hardly/Twisty mansion to conduct the closing ceremonies.
The usual list of offences and charges were delivered to the unsuspecting group. Karate Clit and Hash Test Dummy were selected for choir duties and did a fine job. Here is an taste of what transpired.
Of note, was a hashers birthday…. On the day! Liquor Lots is now one year older and her significant day was celebrated by the group! Like fine wine, things get better with age.
Feast
What happens at the feast, stays at the feast. Epic amount of turkey, dressing, vegetables, desert, wine and merriment were had by all. Those that were there know how good it was!
Best Thanksgiving Feast Run ever!
On On Scoobie
Run Route (for those interested)
2300 – White Dress Run
Hares: Hot Quicky and Slow Clap
Where: Inglewood, Calgary, AB
RA: Hump the Shark
Attendance: 18
The Calgary Hash saved itself for run 2300 (it went straight from 2299 to 2301, in past weeks). This is why it was able to wear white for this special event. Our hares organized a fantastic pub crawl/trail that took us through Inglewood, the Beltline, Stephen Ave, the East Village and back to Inglewood. We had many beer station on route, to keep our fluid levels up. Trail was – after all – nearly 12k long… On trail we saw three separate weddings and even managed to be featured in one of the newlyweds’ official photoshoot.
Trail was expertly set in such a way that runners and walkers came together at the exact same time at nearly every regroup.
We had a solid contingent of noobs, some walkers and some runners. Newbie Nicole proudly announced that the white runners she was sporting were fresh out of the box that morning. Tsk tsk tsk (though the fault is all Hot Quickie’s, as she should have shared Hashing Faux-Pas 101 with her guests.
At least the virgins were all (appropriately) wearing white dresses, which is more than can be said of Dastardly. We’ll forgive him as he made all the jell-O shots and drove the beer station wagon around.
Cock Tale was unanimously voted fairest of them all, with the prettiest dress.
Hump kindly gave PMS his dirty monkey to spank.
If you weren’t there because you had “better things to do”, it was your loss. You missed an epic run. If you weren’t there because you had Covid, we missed you (but don’t worry, your husband was loud for the both of you).
On On!
PMS (This scribe needs a break from scribing. Please come forth and take this on 🙂 )
2302 – HHHHike… Rogers Passsout
Hares: King Shit, et Mr Peeeeeenut
Where: A.O. Wheeler Hut, Glacier National Park
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 14 (including muggles/visitors)
No images have surfaced for this special event.
The trail wove through the demolished foundations of a gand old CP hotel and into the woods to a “meeting of the waters” (whatever that means). A live-but-well-rested hare (Mr Peeeeeeenut) waited in a Muskoka chair with liquid treasures for the hashers to enjoy.
Cock Tale has reported another hasher exposing themself (full back, not full frontal).
2292 – STAMPEDE HASH CAMP OUT 2023
Hares: Cam Shaft and Stool Stuffer
Where: The Rinaldi Estate, CNP, AB
RA: AP?
Attendance: a bunch o’people
This year again, Boss Hog (Hot Cheeks Sr) allowed us rowdy group to squat at his property for a weekend of merriment (debauchery?) and hashing (athleticism?), in that order.
The hares and some devoted hashers went ahead and scouted trail. They made sure to test the quality of the beer in the area. It seems to have met expectations.
Some Edmontonians kindly joined our festivities, and happily took part in the shot ski, the “ice bucket challenge”, and the sleeve too. A “Cone of Shame” is featured in photos but it appears that our guests did not do anything shameful enough to warrant that kind of punishment.
The ice bucket (or whatever it is called) was a treat for the eyes (in some cases):
Only one individual did something so worthy of reprimand that they were awarded a down down with the Sleeve *and* the Cone of Shame.
Special mention to Hardly, who is clearly the *master* sleeve-drinker [insert cup-drop]
Trail must have been beautiful, judging by the photos.
Fun was had by all:
I take that back:
And Skewb decided to bring sexy back:
On On!
PMS
2289 – Canada Day Run
Hares: “Special Guest Hares”
Where: Big Al’s Bar & Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 18 (16 + two ½ pints)
Oh Can of Beer
I hold within my hand
Tall, slim and cold
Beloved throughout Hashland
With foaming heads
We see thee rise
Ales, Lagers, Draughts and Stouts
From locals to imported brews
We cannot do without
Hares keep our beers
Smooth, chilled and cheap
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee!
On this Canada Day, Hardly came up with a wonderful idea. The “Special Guest hares” were none other than us! This was a pick-up hash were one volunteer live hares the beginning of trail. If (when) he/she gets “caught”, the catcher becomes the hare and so on.
Despite tropical temperatures, we managed to run close to 6k. Dastardly kindly brought jello shots and ice creams for the regroup, as well as his legendary Beergarita and warm mystery swill!
· Maple – for once – was able to stay for down downs and he got a down down for his 434th run (in lieu of all the milestone runs he didn’t stick around to get his down down for). It suggested (by me) that he get the 400th run award right after PMS (me) gets it, so that she (I) doesn’t have to store it in her (my) condo.
· Rashy Bush was noted for her excellent fashion sense in sporting a “French Run” shirt. It’s the little black dress of running shirts; it works for every occasion, if I say so moi-même.
On On!
PMS