Hares : Dr. Fill and Special Guests
Where: Len’s Den, 801 16th Ave. NE
Big Rock: Aye Laddie!
Robbie Burns’ Run 2015
It was a musical night that Robbie Burns himself would have appreciated. Ok, tolerated. Well, he certainly would have heard it from the grave. Between Bobbin McRobbin’s lovely Scottish bag pipe tunes and McCocktale’s many, many, many clever solo hash song renditions as hash choir member extraordinaire later in the evening, let’s just say that the hash is not lacking in men with talented pipes.
As 30 odd hashers (and I mean ODD) gathered outside of Len’s McDen to pay tribute to the dead Scottish poet, there were misty eyes as Bobbin McRobbin piped a few tunes to start off the evening. Someone was even heard to have said to him “Nice pipes; you’re a really good blower”. There was Scotch a-plenty in the circle, and the night was not without the traditional haggis…even if it was canned haggis brought by Sucks McEverything who begged the bartender to warm it up for him. Clearly a proud moment that won’t soon be forgotten at the hash.
The Grand Mattress wowed everyone with her amazing knowledge of Gaelic in the circle…either that or she was just choking on her gum. Abandoned McPussy also wowed the crowd with her stellar and most graceful highland dance. Or was she just choking on something as well? Hares Dr. McFill and Bobbin McRobbin showed us the special marks of the trail as Ms. McPussy, in her ever so subtle manner, practically dove under McRobbin’s kilt to see what a real Scot wears under there. She left the circle smiling. But then again, so did he. Hmmm.
The run was cheap and dirty (very scotch-like), and the group descended on the neighbourhood in their finest kilts or at least their Value McVillage renditions thereof. A precious sight indeed. However, this “innocent” pack committed many heinous crimes during the run that the luscious RA du Jour (that would be me, McRubbermade), heard mostly at the regroup while trying to drink her beer. Luckily she can do two things at once.
The best choir ever was called to assist the RA: Frigid McBeaver, McLay ‘Em in Snow, and of course, Hash Soloist McCocktale. Here are the highlights and punishments of the evening:
- Visitors/Archives/Guests were welcomed to the hash – Strawberry Secret and Bob-a-long who used to hash 100 years ago, Adam, spawn of Dementia and of course Bobbin McRobbin. Bob-a-long was later punished for just giving his name of “Bob” in the circle and not his hash name. Turns out he is also brother to Dastardly – clearly another reason to be punished.
- Incredible Camshaft went down on trail without servicing MMM McLady Fingers or McRubbermade. Rumour has it he was looking for his lost rubber from last week’s run.
- Thunder Tits parked the drinkstop right beside a fire hydrant, undoubtedly to have easy access to water if hashers got too hot and bothered while listening to McBobbin’s sexy bag pipe playing at the regroup
- McHardly and Spitting McBalls promised Rubbermade a view of their Scottish packages which never came to fruition. Hardly claimed it was because “it was a little too cold out” for a good showing, and Mr. Balls claimed he just wanted to stiff Rubbermade.
- Abandoned McPussy stated that McSkewbic Hare (who was noted to have an eery likelness to Willie the Groundskeeper on the Simpsons) led her astray on the run for which McSkewby was promptly rewarded the hash shit. –
- Ms. McPussy received the other hash shit for actually following McSkewby (duh!)
- Mc Dementia for calling our beloved Dr. Fill a liar. Several times, in fact.
- Lof T McPrancer and McWhite Balls were punished for being McSteamies…their heads were literally steaming at the regroup. Is this normal or were they just letting off some steam?? (ha, I crack me up)
- McDementia claimed that Dr. McFill was a big liar and tricked her on trail. Well, duh, have you met Dr. McFill? Everyone knows he fibs his way through most runs.
- McRoaring Nancy was punished for being heard to say “Irishmen know that real men don’t wear dresses”. At least that’s what was thought to have been said…who can understand the guy?
- McBuried Pleasure was punished for actually complaining that her boobs were ‘too large’. Really? This is a problem? Dr. McFill doesn’t seem to think so. Perhaps wearing the “hat” shit for a week or four will help her with her dilemma.
The Robbie Burns run was rounded out by a lovely highland dance to yet another riveting solo rendition from McCockTale of that favorite Scottish hash song: My Body Lies Over the Ocean.
I’m quite sure that Robbie Burns himself would have had a tear in his eye at this point. You know, the kind of tear that screams “Great Scot, make it stop!!” I know I did.