Hare : Lost in Space
Where: Hose & Hound Neighborhood Pub, 1030 – 9 Ave S.E. (Inglewood)
Big Rock: is rocking’ da hood!
Attendance: 37
All memory of this run is lost.
On-On!
Monthly Archives: February 2015
#1789 – Valentine’s Run
Hares : Bare Down There and Granny Panties
Where: Rose and Crown, 1503 – 4th Ave SW
Big Rock: for Lovers… Beer Lovers
Attendance: 29
Hares Grannie Panties and Bare Down There really showed their stuff in setting the trail. Love hearts adorned the sidewalks including 17th Avenue, and broken hearts greeted the would be FRB’s that ran the wrong way. Hardley went wrong in a bad way, and was not seen until the On In. Hashing is unforgiving at times, and poor Hardley was kicked to the curb after chasing (sorry – “running after”) a reportedly very cute runner that turned out not to be hasher. So it goes.
A rat, squirrel, or some assumed to be, mammal roamed around the inside of the circle, adding an edgy element before the start.
Roaring Nancy celebrated his 200th run with a large-sized Down Down
American transplant Master Beater, acting as Religious Adviser, utilized his covert “monitoring network” (every American has one), to intercept Valentines messages sent from various Hashers and Harriettes to one another.
The messages as intercepted, though as gruesome and sickening as our kennel, read as follows:
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
If he’s busy on Valentines Day,
the side chick is you!
Wear nothing, not even your bikini
I’ve spilled some gin on my weenie.
I thought this uncouth,
So I’ve added vermouth,
Would you like me to slip you a martini?
Twinkle Twinkle little star.
You should know what you are.
And once you know what you are.
Mental hospital is not so far.
I love you baby,
It’s you I have really missed
But all that time you were away,
I was sleeping with your sis!
Roses are red
Carnations are white
I’ve been to the chemist
how about it tonight!
Roses r crap,
Violets are wanky,
Oooh I’ve just come,
Pass me a hanky.
Violets are blue,
Roses are thorny,
Be my Valentine,
Because I’m horny!
You were so distant
Now we’re as one
Thanks to some duct tape
And a glue gun
Roses are red.
Sex is elementary.
Let’s call up a friend,
And try double entry!
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Zippers are tough
But I have faith in you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What I thought was vaseline,
Turned out to be glue!
I wish I was your mirror
Hanging on your wall
Cause every time you get undressed
Guess who’d see it all?
I love you almighty
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie
Now don’t be mistaken
Don’t be misled,
I mean on a clothes line
And not in the bed!
I wish I were a bar of soap, lying in your hand,
So every time you took a shower, I’d see the promised land…
On On!
Master Beater
#1788 – You Light Up My Night Run
Hares : Hardly, Twisted Sister and Snevil
Where: Nose Hill Park – 64 Ave Parking Lot, (64 Ave & 14th St NW)
On-In: Game Time Sports Bar, 6219 Centre St. NW
Big Rock: Brilliant Choice!
Attendance: 28
Somewhere out there on Nosehill was a throbbing, glowing stick. Find your way to the beer, follow your stick. Many hashers are already accomplished at this, and showed off their talents following the glowers that Hardley dropped from behind.
Something seemed strangely sinister as running back from a check back, resulted in discovering trail that previously wasn’t Jack!
Methinks the Hash was had by a conniving live hare! A hash of this sort has been recently very rare!
Off he went lickety split, me jumping around trying not to freeze off my stick.
Galloping and hiding, and doing in again, me wondering why I didn’t at least bring gin
With relief we found it was soon over, we are at peace drinking beer from a poor man’s Range Rover. (It rhymed – leave me alone).
Religious Advisor Tighty Whitey handed out penalties and such, but I was drinking and can’t remember much.
So to those I left out, who want to wriggle and pout, write the next scribe you lazy old sout!!
On-On!
Master Beater
#1787 – The Anal Toboggan Run
Hare : Abandoned Pussy
Where: Rosemont Community Hall
On-In: The Local 390
Big Rock: Pizza and Beer… Who’da Thunk It?
Attendance: 25
Frosty the Snowman would likely not have been impressed with the sledding exhibited at the Toboggan run on this particular night. From accounts given, Spittin’ Balls could very well be Splittin Balls after his epic tumble down the hill, and Cocktail and King Shit almost became “Cockshit” when they collided so hard on the hill.
In the end there were no runs to the Emergency Room (that were noted), and the Hash survived its yearly attempt to commit suicide on the Calgary non-approved hills.
Religious Adviser Tighty Whitey brought up Twisted Sister and Hardly up as choir, they (willingly?)chose King Shit to help them
Some remnants of Dr Phil’s party weekend were downed. While playing “Cards against Humanity”, Running Dry asked for a definition of “Jizz” (it was easier just to show her). It was discovered that Menage a Trois likes “snorting cocaine off a clown’s boner”. You just can’t make it up I guess.
Lay Em In Snow was awarded best sled prize, his childhood sled from 1869
Dastardly was recognized as having the worst sled prize (a cardboard box)
Dr Phil, Buried Pleasure, Sucks Everything were brought up to explain that
the Hash retired the old Hatshit after Bob’s 60th Bday bash in part because Sucks Everything was complaining how so many people wore helmets nowadays, saying “When we were kids we never had any of this” … Sucks was duly presented the new winter hat shit to wear(of course).
Abandoned Pussy was crying that her hash shit wasn’t given away… so of course she got to keep it!
Roaring Nancy asked the RA 3 times during the run who was the RA for the night. Tighty thought perhaps we should change his name to Al Zhimers since Dimentia is taken, and properly downed him for annoying the R.A.
Bare Down There was changing in Spitting Balls’ car before the run. We don’t know if that meant just putting clothes on, if there was a reason they fell off of her in the first… there was a lot of skin, feet on the rook, and tattoos flying around inside that car. It sounded like a high school parking moment much more than a simple change. More to come… or not…
Finally, Twisted Sister and Hardly drank their half yards in celebration of 1000 runs. They are only the 5th and 6th (or 6th and 5th) in CH3 history to endure that many On-Ins! Twisted Sister was kind enough to drink slow enough so that they finished together! Way to go Twisty!
On-On!
Master Beater
