2170 – School’s out for summer run

Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker
Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary
Attendance : 39
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.

No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:

  1. Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
  2. Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
  3. Wet Spot (idem)

Speaking of noobs: we also had the second cumming of noobie John. It was explained to him that he doesn’t need Strap-On Crampon to come. He can come by himself.

Because Red Deer Hashers don’t have the level of sophisti-ma-cations that us Calgarians have, Cum on ‘er was spotted urinating on trail. Tsk Tsk.


*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!

2169 – Another Pyro 69

Hares : Pyro
Where : Baker Park, Bowness
Attendance : 26
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).

3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.

Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.

Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.

Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.

Get a LIFE! Two milestones this week:

  1. Hump the Shark ran his 169th run;
  2. Princess Monkey Spanker celebrated her 350th.


2168 – Don’t be Bitter, It is you Sister!

Hares : Daisy Duke
Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW
Attendance : Twenty… nine*
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:

  • Trails are set for Monday nights.
  • Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
  • Circle up at 7:00 pm
  • All trails will have fully supported regroups
  • Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
  • Down Downs will be outside
  • On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
  • TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
  • Masks are not required outside
  • 2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households

As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.

This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.

Two milestones this week:

  1. Pyro (the legend) ran his 1269th run
  2. That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.
Pyro – 1269 runs
Strap On Crampon (right) – 100 runs
Walkers, at the big H.


2167 – Southern Hump Run

Hares : Hump the Shark
Where : The Berwick Public House, 356 Cranston Road NE
Attendance : 23 (running in multiple groups of fewer than 10)

They’ve got the moves like Jagger.

Q: What’s long and goes up at a 45% gradient?
A: Hump the Shark’s t(r)ail.

True to himself, Hump the Shark took us on an extended run up and down hills, across waters and through wooded areas. Because he’s such a class act, we were met with a cooler full of beers at the end.

Scavenger Hunt Items

  • Hooters
  • Bird Condominium
  • Babbling Brook
  • Dragonfly
  • Nitwit
  • Mountains
  • Grader
  • Teddy bears

One milestone this week: Abandoned Pussy rode her way through her 369th. To celebrate, Strap-On Crampon cracked open her special bottle of Cask Strength Alberta Premium Rye.

Hashers’ balance and remarkable core strength ensured that no one fell in.

Absolutely NO fucking ONE.

Yours truly, PMS