Hares : Strap-On Crampon, Hot Cheeks, Business in the Back & Lazy Cummer Where: Flavelle Park, Calgary, AB Attendance : 24
This sexy foursome volunteered to hare the ultimate run before Hallowe’en.
Here are some tales from the trail: ? Snevil was short on cash for hash cash and had to duck off trail and do some shady dealings at the gas station to get some. ? Virgin hares Business in the Back and Lazy Cummer laid a splendid trail although there were some complaints that their marks were too small. If their H’s are small, how big can their D’s be? ? In the true spirit of Hallowe’en, Lay ’em got bitten by a rabid creature at the end of trail. See him transition in the next few days and watch your ankles next week! ? More preoccupied by getting to the beer first than anything else, Skewbic Hair abandoned his paramour Mucky Dip in distress with a malfunctioning headlamp. ? We had a visitor this week, all the way from Bermuda! When Bermudans get tired of the nice weather, they come to Calgary – in late October – to spice things up. There are conflicting rumors that he was here evading taxes or some such thing.
Does the run title “Little Erections” refer to the mayoral elections held this Monday? Does it refer to the fact that – as per his own admission – the hare “finally managed to get it up today”? He even posted photos online . And he did buy a whole boxful of widgets to help him get there – see below.
This was a trail full of sexual offenses of all kinds:
? Walkers enjoyed themselves thoroughly (or did they? There is some talk of a lack of being turned on because of “buttons” not being fiddled right).
? Because Hump the Shark knows that everyone likes wood(s) (particularly dark wood) and everyone likes it deep, he set a trail that delivered on all fronts and there was much rejoicing:
? Skewbic Hair tripped and landed rear end first on Slippy’s head, thus achieving his lifelong goal of sitting on a harrierette’s face (other than his wife).
? To further sex things up, the hare even had his special “sexy time” red-light district headlamp on.
Meanwhile, back at the parking lot, some non-consensual dicking happened. See for yourselves:
In other non-sexual stories: the Hardster (Hardly and Twisted Sister) provided snacks for everyone, and virgin RA Liquor Lots – along with co-RA Twisty – ensured her BFF OPP was attributed the hash shit (deservedly, no doubt, but for reasons unknown to the scribe)
Lof-T is pouting because: a) It’s Funyuns he wanted, NOT sour cream and onion chips. b) He accidentally sat on his chips. c) He wanted Skewbic Hair to sit on his face, not Slippy’s.
Hares : Pyro and Liquor Quicker Where: Tuscany Tim Horton’s Attendance : 13
The health measures and current Covid situations being what they are, our annual Thanksgiving Run did not include the usual potluck turkey feast. Still, in its place, Pyro and Liquor Quicker offered to provide us with a Turkey trail* instead.
It was cold. Too cold for most people to take pictures, apparently. One person did take pictures and they both feature Insane Bolt who did NOT experience shrinkage in the cold, au contraire! Just look at that bulge!
Milestones were celebrated in style, by our very own bard Dastardly. He fancied himself as a bit of a poet and treated the attendees to limericks (or something approaching limericks). Here they are, recorded for posterity on the information superhighway:
Slippy Thong – 100 Lying Sack – 300
Some of you may enjoy multiple O’s But there is a couple here we all know Don’t Follow convention And names I now mention Because she came three times less than her beau
Skewbic Hare – 969
So you want to do two at a time But wonder how it’s best to align? Or what’s the best ratio For doing fellatio? Then ask one who’s done nine sixty-nine
On on! PMS
*Hares can choose to set trails with Turkey / Eagle Splits, which are two ways to get to the same place. Turkey is easier and/or shorter. Eagle is longer and/or more challenging. Because it’s Thanksgiving, our gracious hares may only set a Turkey trail?? Still, it’s Pyro we’re talking about and his Turkey may very well be another hare’s Eagle, so…
Hares : OPP and Liquor Lots Where: Liquor Lots’s Lair, Erlton, Calgary Attendance : 26
OoooOoooh, tonight’s run looks like it was – in Hot Cheeks’s words – a GOODR. She is a little biased though, as she was (as per her own recounting of events) the ?WIENER?. Hashing being a strictly non-competitive … errr… “sport” (?), she got punished for her race-ism.
Our two hares provided us with a beauty of a trail and delivered on the weather too! There were stairs, ups and downs, bushwhacking and a ton of checkbacks which kept the front running bastards in check(back)! Because … you know… fall, headlamps are no longer optional. Slippy Thong didn’t get that memo and apparently got lost in the bush. Race-ist Hot Cheeks pointed out that Slippy was Dead Fucking Last by a good twenty minute margin. ?(Here’s Slippy’s participation ribbon)
Look at this beautiful round number of km’s. Ooooooh baby. ?
OPP and birthday girl Liquor Lots (Hashy Birthday, Fuck You!)
Poppy was named “Pocket Weasel”.
These two birthday girls’ ages add up to 100. Math is hard, you figure it out.
Mmmmmm Ladyfingers RA’ed tonight.
RoaaaAArRrRRing Nancy must have done something stupid.
The obligatory MmmmSelfie
Look at those athletes! Hard to believe they weren’t the wieners.
(don’t forget me!)
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers