BYOW (Bring Your Own Wood) were the instructions for this week’s trail. Things got H-O-T indeed!
Trail was as delightful as Daisy always sets them, with the added advantage that all three trailblazin’ Front Running Bastards (🥇 Insane Bolt, 🥈Maple, 🥉Hump The Shark) did all the hard work for the rest of the pack. In this version of the Tortoise and the Hare, the hares hurried at the front and the many tortoises stopped at Sneevz’s House for some beers (except for Mucky Dip who never got the memo and probably blamed Skewbic Hare for it). Never one to miss out on free beer, Skewb was reportedly guilty of B&Eer-ing (i.e: breaking and entering in order to steal a beer).
Many other offenses occurred on trail but poor Sneevz inherited the Hat Shit, despite opening her house to free-loaders. She does wear it well, though.
In a similar vein of under-appreciation, Hot Cheeks complained that the fire at the regroup wasn’t a “Rinaldi Fire”. How hot does she want her cheeks to be??!
We had the surprise visit of an OooOooooOoOold archive, On-In. There was some debate as to who was oldest in attendance but since Pyro was present, it was quickly settled that he deserved the Old Fogy award that night. Can You Hear Me Now sighed a sigh of relief.
Hares : Snevil Where: Reader Rock Garden, Calgary, AB Attendance : 22 (I made that number up) Actual attendance: 23
As for any Hashes occurring on a 22nd, hashers are encouraged, nay mandated to run in a tutu (2-2). Now in theory, the hare too wears a tutu to her own run. But not this hare, noooo. Snevil does whatever the fuck she wants. And apparently, the RA let her get away with it.
To make up for Snevil’s tutulessness, Rashy Bush delighted hashers and passers-by with a lighted (lit?) tutu that matched the colours of the Calgary skyline. Get lit!
This run was blessed with one visitor: I was told they’re Begging For It. Is that their name? Is that just a statement? I’m not sure. A New Boot was also present and archived Hung Loose.
Pyro celebrated his birthday yesterday and he is said to have turned 69 again. The man won’t go past 69.
Liquor Lots’ dog Poppy smelled a big fat beaver on trail. Liquor Lots and Abandoned Pussy were later on talking about what would happen if they couldn’t use their fingers. If she couldn’t use her fingers AP’d just bury her face and eat.
There were other allegations of sexual offenses on trail and AP (her again!) reported that Cam Shaft said he would “throw her down on a mat & wreck her ass”. Yikes.
Karate Klit, Lay’em in Snow and Dastardly set a most wonderful trail through scenic and hip Sunnyside.
Camshaft succinctly summarized the trail in these words: “The hares took the runners all over the area, including going onto the Rosedale Ridge, then back down the f’ing hill to the north side of Sunnyside then across 10th street back up the f’ing hill to the south SAIT parking lot back down a goat trail to Riley Park, then crossing into Hilhurst, then over to the Bow River and across the bridge. Eventually the runners ended up back in Sunnyside to try find the elusive TVP for a big tree view point.”
Woah, that description took almost as long to read than it did for the pack to run the actual trail! And that trail was over 7kms of fun!
It was reported that Slippy avoided the “Big Woody” tree because it wasn’t worth her time. It is a well known fact that Slippy does not like big wood. What does boyfriend Lying Sack have to say for himself?
After the run, the pack regrouped by the containers and RA Snevil aptly punishes all evil doers.
This was the first run since the end of daylight saving time: “really dark” at the start, the finish, and all the bit in between. In Tighty Whitey’s own words: it was a nice dark run to celebrate that we are alive and able to enjoy the outdoors in the cold and dark!
Tighty Whitey is another one who likes them long and hard. Some claim it was 9k (but Hot Cheeks likes to exaggerate) and others have technological proof that it was in fact 7andabitK (but Liquor Lots may very well have shortcutted. She’s that kind.)
Other grievances include: 😩 ”There was a lot of straight running. Felt like I was training for a 10km” – Hot Cheeks. Seriously, Tighty Whitey… Who do you think we are? Athletes? 😩 Tighty Whitey suffered from premature BeerNearing as”Beer Near” was marked 20 mins away from the regroup. 😩 The hare also didn’t seem to mind endangering the pack and sending them through bear territory. Rumor has it that Strap-On Crampon scared off a grizzly with the threat of a good time. 😩 On an unrelated note (or is it?), Strap-On Crampon got poked on trail (not the good kind).
Hares : Ms Cheeks & Ms Pussy Where: Ramsay Rink, Calgary Attendance : 22
All over the world, teachers report being ‘June tired,’ even though it’s only October. Luckily for us, our ”tehashers” (teacher-hasher hybrid) have a secret supply of energy just for hashing. And because they’re true leaders, they can even take on haring. Not all heroes wear capes.
Yes, teachers are heroes. They are also assholes. This particular brand of assholes took the pack on a series of long check-backs and past breweries that hashers were not allowed to go in, despite the frigid temperatures.
All was well that ended well though (Hot Cheeks and AP always provide happy endings). The pack regrouped – cold and exhausted – and our more technologically savvy hashers (nerds!) had clocked the run at around 10km.
All 22 hashers got to further cool down with a nice frosty beverage.
On on! PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers