Once again, it was – stupid° C in Calgary, even as faaaar south as Auburn Bay. King Shit insists that the record for coldest YYC Hash was not broken. He is basing this on some Excel spreadcheeks he’s compiled somewhere. What a nerd.
AP enlisted Touché to help her set trail. What a trouper, that kid.
True trail was a reasonable 2¼ km. She called true trail the “Eagle” Trail. Now, for the people in the back, let’s review Hash Basics: hares sometimes set 2 trails, one called “Eagle” (longer and harder), the other one called “Turkey” (shorter and flacid). Because it was soooooo cold, AP specified that her Eagle had Covid and broken wings while the Turkey was the leftover carcass from Christmas dinner.
3 hashers (Rashy Bush, Stool Stuffer and Hump the Shark) opted to take the “Eagle” trail and 2 took the Turkey trail. Because Skewbic Hair arrived late (as the runners were making it back), Heroic Hump redid trail with him. What a Mensch!
Down downs were short and sweet to allow for more time at the pub.
When this dynamic duo sets trail, you can normally bet your bottom dollar that there are going to be lots of ups and downs (given that they live in Bridgeland and all). Well, if you had taken that bet this week, you’d be a dollar poorer. Apparently, it was sooo cold* that they couldn’t muster the courage to set a trail longer than 600 m.
Hashers did not complain, however. Our BC expats in particular appreciated not having to be exposed to the frigid temperatures* for too long.
*it was -15°! Since when is that cold? We’re Calgary Hashers for crying out loud!
‘T’was a chillier evening than in previous weeks, which may explain the low turn out? (Bunch of fair-weather hashers!!)
Still, the beautiful Christmas decorations lifted spirits and warmed up hearts! (And so did the beers and Pyro’s fire)
Hot Cheeks ooooh’ed and aaaah’ed throughout trail, particularly when she bumped into this display of Cam Shaft’s excitement.
She was reportedly very pleased she did not forget her rubbers, though I wonder if they were big enough??
Cam Shaft was so excited in fact that he FRB’ed the whole trail. That dude always has to cum first. Oh, and did we mention that he was HARING?? Stay at the back, hare! Let the pack figure it out!
As per usual Dastardly did his own thing and was nowhere to be seen on trail. He always finds his way back to the regroup though. It was said that Lay’em In Snow opted to detour as well, taking Blue Balls and Pyro with him. Whatever happens off trails, stays off trail.
Strap-on Crampon (left) RA’ed and did a helluva job (I assume).
Out of the 20 possible combinations for this year’s Grey Cup, we ended with a game between the Hamilton… Tiger-Cats ? (WTF?) and the Winnipeg… Blue Bombers (not a military reference apparently, in case you wondered).
So because no one really cared about the outcomes of this game, we had a hard time finding a hare for it.
Luckily, our trio of hares (Daisy, Scoobie and Lay’em In Snow) stepped up to the plate (that’s football lingo, right?). They delivered a trail that no one complained about. In fact no one said anything about it. It might as well not have happened. Just like that football match.
So the game happened, the trail happened and then there was much rejoicing in the form of appies & beers at Bitter Sisters. Now, *that*’s worth mentioning.
Based on the length and shiggy level of Pyro’s runs on a regular day, it’s surprising that anyone even showed up on a day when he’s apparently so angry that he needs to seek revenge (dun dun duuuuun). Why was the run named that? No one knows. Probably just Skewbic Hair’s flair for the dramatic and the fact that it looked cool on the website.
If you’ve never met Pyro, he’s this sweet looking older gentleman, cuter than a garden gnome. But looks are deceiving: he’s a mean motherf%$^er. He’ll make you run through vipers’ nests and scale boulders if he gets the chance.
Surprisingly though, there were no vipers sighted or boulders scaled. In fact, it was said that some runners finished only minutes after the walkers. What exactly happened? Was the running trail exceptionally short or did the walkers feel particularly ambitious? –> Mmmmmh Lady Fingers (a most reliable tale teller) mentioned that the walking trail was long and hard and that the runners were good-for-nothing short-cutters. She’s still bitter that they did not get punished for it.
Dastardly – who is known to go wandering off on his own – finished DFL (Dead F$%^ing Last) again. There was some speculation that his tongue got stuck on a pole.
ON ON! PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers