Hares : Abandoned Pussy
Where: Blackbird Public Urban Bar, High River Calgary, AB
Attendance : 10

True trail was a reasonable 2¼ km. She called true trail the “Eagle” Trail. Now, for the people in the back, let’s review Hash Basics: hares sometimes set 2 trails, one called “Eagle” (longer and harder), the other one called “Turkey” (shorter and flacid). Because it was soooooo cold, AP specified that her Eagle had Covid and broken wings while the Turkey was the leftover carcass from Christmas dinner.

3 hashers (Rashy Bush, Stool Stuffer and Hump the Shark) opted to take the “Eagle” trail and 2 took the Turkey trail. Because Skewbic Hair arrived late (as the runners were making it back), Heroic Hump redid trail with him. What a Mensch!

Down downs were short and sweet to allow for more time at the pub.

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On on!
PMS

Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Mmmmlady Fingers & Cam Shaft
Where: Prairie Dog Brewing, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 14

Today, the weather was so legitimately cold that a few no-shame hashers opted to “car-hash” (see proof above). The “real” hashers (through and through) bit the bullet and ran trail.

Marks were a bewildering set of addresses, which I can only assume led to the next mark, until the On-In?

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Aptly, the On-In today was ❄️ Cold Garden ❄️

And King Shit came late. Shocking!

On on!
PMS

Hares : Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Bridgeland Park NE, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 21

Hashers did not complain, however. Our BC expats in particular appreciated not having to be exposed to the frigid temperatures* for too long.

*it was -15°! Since when is that cold? We’re Calgary Hashers for crying out loud!

On on!
PMS

Hares : Cam Shaft and Mmmmmh Ladyfingers
Where: West Confederation Park Depot parking lot, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 15.5

‘T’was a chillier evening than in previous weeks, which may explain the low turn out? (Bunch of fair-weather hashers!!)

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Still, the beautiful Christmas decorations lifted spirits and warmed up hearts! (And so did the beers and Pyro’s fire)

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Cam Shaft was so excited in fact that he FRB’ed the whole trail. That dude always has to cum first. Oh, and did we mention that he was HARING?? Stay at the back, hare! Let the pack figure it out!

As per usual Dastardly did his own thing and was nowhere to be seen on trail. He always finds his way back to the regroup though. It was said that Lay’em In Snow opted to detour as well, taking Blue Balls and Pyro with him. Whatever happens off trails, stays off trail.

Here are some more photos taken on trail:

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On on!
PMS

Hares : Pyro
Where: Crowchild Twin Arena NW, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 18

Based on the length and shiggy level of Pyro’s runs on a regular day, it’s surprising that anyone even showed up on a day when he’s apparently so angry that he needs to seek revenge (dun dun duuuuun). Why was the run named that? No one knows. Probably just Skewbic Hair’s flair for the dramatic and the fact that it looked cool on the website.

If you’ve never met Pyro, he’s this sweet looking older gentleman, cuter than a garden gnome. But looks are deceiving: he’s a mean motherf%$^er. He’ll make you run through vipers’ nests and scale boulders if he gets the chance.

Surprisingly though, there were no vipers sighted or boulders scaled. In fact, it was said that some runners finished only minutes after the walkers. What exactly happened? Was the running trail exceptionally short or did the walkers feel particularly ambitious? –> Mmmmmh Lady Fingers (a most reliable tale teller) mentioned that the walking trail was long and hard and that the runners were good-for-nothing short-cutters. She’s still bitter that they did not get punished for it.

Dastardly – who is known to go wandering off on his own – finished DFL (Dead F$%^ing Last) again. There was some speculation that his tongue got stuck on a pole.

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ON ON!
PMS