2220 – Stairway to Heaven

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Ukrainian Church Renfrew, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 23

?There’s a hasher who’s sure?
?All those steps are moot?
?And he’s “checking” the stairway to Heaven?
?When he gets down he knows?
?That the “X” is down below?
?And says a word much stronger than “Zut”?
?OoOoh and he’s climbing back the stairway to Heaven?

Here are the things that went down on this trail: all the suckers that went down the stairs at the start of trail just to find out that it was – of course (like, come on!!) – a ❌checkback❌!!

– Master Rooter and Knight Stalker blessed us with their presence, after many many weeks of absence;
– Worm and Not the Shilling came all the way from Thailand to run this CH3 trail.

Other things that happened include:
– Hashers wore blue and yellow to show support to the Ukrainian cause;
RRRA is said to have had vorrrst Ukrrrainian accint
– Dastardly kindly offered to guide the visitors and promptly proceeded to lose them on trail;
– Can You Hear Me Know (what a Mensch) chose to escort Mucky Dip on trail, but then got bored and ditched her;
– Liquor Lots, the hooker that she is, was called out by a gentleman for streetwalking. Oh no wait… Liquor Lots was called a “dirty whore” by a pig with a big truck and small wiener, for merely asking not to be run over by said truck. Stay classy, Alberta!
– OPP did shady deals from the back of her truck. King Shit got his merch’ so he’s happy;
– Va-JJ likes to switch it up between the front and the back;
– Hardly and Twisty – the hash’s closest thing to a royal couple – celebrated their 40 year jubilee.

Other momentous milestones were:
– Camshaft ran his 250th trail
– Mucky celebrated her 600th (how does she remain so young-looking??)

Because the Calgary Hash House Harriers is an equal opportunities group, Hot Cheeks decided to start shooting photos for her “Girls of Hashing” calendar. See those babes for yourself:

And here are other photos taken:

The cool kids (and Dastardly)
The circle

PMS (with input from Hot Cheeks and King Shit)

2219 – Easter Bonnet Run

Hares: Twisty and Hardly
Where: Citizen Brewing Company, Calgary, AB
RA: Rashy Bush
Attendance: 17

When hashers say: “Hoppy Easter!”, it’s not some lame bunny joke. It just means they’re headed to one of many Calgary Breweries that serve obnoxiously hoppy IPA’s. This time, the gang met up at Citizen Brewing to enjoy a few cold ones.

But let’s backtrack. Before the rejoicing, some mild-to-moderate exercise happened. Hares Twisty and Hardly gave us a lovely trail with 367 369 checks, and it is said that Hump the Shark did all of them.

The hares

Because the hares are all about recycling and preserving resources, they reused the marks of the Full Moon run that Hardly (Full Moon name: Hard-On) set a few days earlier.

This trail was the trail of many momentous milestones:
? Hump the Shark celebrated 200 runs;
? King Shit seriously needs to find a new hobby, as he did his 1550th trail with the Calgary Hash House Harriers;
? Skewbic Hair ran his 1000th trail with us. He too needs to get a life.

Skewb is a proud man and – for his 1000th – did not want to display the same impotence we had witnessed last week. This week, he managed to get ⁽ᶦᵗ⁾ up and get into the action, albeit in the back.

Just Kristen still hasn’t been named. She’s very careful with what she says to avoid slip-ups that could be used against her.

In a follow up to Hot Cheeks’ photo shoot for her “Hashing Men Calendar”, here is the second semester:


2218 – Running in the ‘Hood

Hares: Hardly and (who else?) Dastardly, the perpetual co-hare
Where: Big Al’s Bar & Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly (wait, what? Hare AND RA?)
Attendance: 24

Just in time for Easter, today marked the first cumming of Hardly (as he is set to cum a second time next week – as hare again -, but this time with his wife).

This week, Hardly had Dastardly as a partner in crime. They both have been around so many of Calgary’s bushes that we hoped the hares would find shiggy even around Forest Lawn (Calgary’s most misleadingly-named neighbourhood). Turns out the hares gave us something of average length and not too hard in the end (so many innuendos…)

Since hashers couldn’t complain about trail being too long, they found something else to bitch about: the weather. It’s toooo cold, it’s toooo windy, waaah ?.

Silver lining: it was decided that the weather was sooo inclement that down-downs just had to be held indoors (after more than 2 years!).

Here are some of the things that happened today and that hashers got “punished” for:

  • Hashers from BC graced us with their presence and held choir;
  • Skewb had a limp ⁽ᵒⁿᵉ⁾ and couldn’t keep ⁽ᶦᵗ⁾ up;
  • Insane Bolt was propositioned on trail by a rando – that’s Forest Lawn for ya.
  • Lay’em’s dog took a shit during circle. That’s what he thinks of our nonsense.
  • Snevil did all the checkbacks (while Hot Cheeks did none of them).
  • Hardly, the one-man-hash, did everything today: set trail, pour the down down beer, RA. Like, come on people, get your shit together and help out a little!
  • Camshaft celebrated 250 runs
  • Pyro-the-Legend ran his 1300th trail today. As is tradition, he was given a half yard of warm swill to celebrate.

Based on the photos she took, it is clear that Hot Cheeks decided to start a Hashing Men Calendar. Here are the first 6 months:

??? (Princess Monkey Spanker)

2217 – Insane Trail from Insane Bolt

Hare: Insane Bolt (with some scouting from Pyro)
Where: Pazzer’s Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: The Monarch of Feces
Attendance: 24

Insane Bolt, with the help from his daddy-in-law, set an epic trail today. The hare, as his name suggests, doesn’t like to stick to pavement and favours shiggy and unreasonably long trails. His ?papa? (Downton Abbey accent) is also a ballbuster of sorts.

This trail was in fact sooooo long and hard (a bit of an exaggeration), that only three hardcore hashers managed to run the whole thing. So here are the names of the three valiant True Trailers who – apparently – deserve a f*ckin medal:
? Snevil ?
? Cums and Goes ? (and he hadn’t cum in so long!)
? Rashy Bush ?

Some hashers opted to shortcut their way to the regroup. That’s the smarter way to hash, if you ask me…. Slippy Thong is one the geniuses who’s figured it out.

The hare being such a ✨class act✨provided a drink stop (take note, future hares! That’s how we like it – although preferably not with Fireball, ewww!)

It is said that Snevil may have overindulged, and despite running true trail, ended up being both an FRB1 and DFL2 after losing her momentum on the way to the regroup.

We had a new cummer: Jim. Let’s see if we can make him cum again!

Walkers had a bit of a moment and paid their respects to fellow hasher Kawky Whorer. They did so by basically sitting on him. I’m sure he appreciated it.

Meanwhile, back on the running trail, our athletes were giving it their all:

Skewbic Hair took lovely pictures of the vistas and the many non-true trailers:

King Shit RA’d and rightfully shamed relative noobie Va-JJ for wearing new shoes hashing. Once again, for the people in the back: you do not wear brand new runners hashing, or they will be anointed with swill.

??? (Princess Monkey Spanker)

1 FRB = Front Running Bastard
2 DFL = Dead Fucking Last