As most teachers are counting the minutes until the end of year bell (not to confuse with the year’s bell-end), our ed-dick-ators AP and Hot Cheeks were planning one last assessment of our stamina and ingenuity.
PMS – yours truly – who has been remote hashing for a year, is happy to review the work submitted by the class. Answers are eerily similar! Who copied off of whom??
AP and Hot Cheeks schooled us through and through. They truly are jack-off all trades.
Jack of all trades, master of none, the hares got called to the headmistress’s office for a spanking (or some other kinky punishment):
Speaking of kinky, some harrierettes decided to bust out their school girls outfits:
The longest day of the year should – in theory – bring us the longest run of the year, but the hares delivered a trail of very average length. Competing technologies clocked a different kilometrage but it hovered around 5k. It was established that Liquor Lots is definitely way more athletic than Skewbic Hair as she does more check backs than him.
What the trail didn’t bring in length, it compensated for in girth beauty. For these hares, giving us beautiful trails is innate (ha! get it? because trail looks like an 8??)
Here are the highlights of tonight’s trail:
? the hares:
⭕ the circle (now that’s a fiiine circle):
?the playas and sexual offenders:
? Hashers having a good time:
? Hashers having a good time and others being weird about it
People pretending they have a life outside of the hash:
We’ll preface these scribblings with the fact that despite having only lost his haring virginity to Stoolie a couple of weeks ago, Va’JJ was gagging for seconds!
Environment Canada warned that Southern Alberta was set to get a massive dump of rain over the course of a few days. As Calgary readied for this unrelenting rain, hares Stool Stuffer and Va’JJ psyched themselves up to set a truly shitty trail of epic proportions. It’s probably why they picked Paska-poo Slopes.
Because pavement would be too clean and not nearly slippery enough, they planned their “monstrous run” (Stoolie’s words) exclusively on dirt trails and marked 100% in flagging (chalk being a much more ephemeral medium).
We were told not once, but twice to bring our shiggy shoes and other mud friendly gear.
Environment Canada got it right, for once. And while the ghost of floods past still loom over us, the City of Calgary announced a state of local emergency in response to the heavy rainfall. Yikes!
Emergency-shmemergency: this has never gotten in the way of a good (or shitty) trail.
The walkers claim there was a “viewpoint” but the runners – who kept their eyes on their feet for safety – saw no such thing.
Karate Klit and Skewbic Hair both went down, but reportedly not on each other. For Scoob, it was just another Monday night but Karate Klit felt very dirty afterwards.
KK, what do we say about airing one’s dirty laundry in public?
These two lovebirds went all the way tonight. The finished exhausted, wet and sweaty but look at those smiles! They’re so glad they came.
ON ON! PMS
Photos by Skewb, MmmmhLadyfingers (with some tales) and Karate Klit Run Map by Snevil.
Hares: Daisy Duke and Dastardly Where: North Glenmore Park, Lot J, Calgary, AB On-In: TBA RA: King Shit Attendance: 11 (wet blankets the rest of ’em)
When DD and D join forces to set trail, we are sure to get a trail that will deliver soggy shoes and mucky dips (that’s what they promised anyway). They like it wet and dirty.
And wet it was! Much of tonight’s “dirt” is related to how wet things got:
? Wearing rubber for protection (her wellies), Tight Lips started hard and fast but then chose to slow things down (with the walkers). ? Lying Sack of Shit, in an attempt to stay dry, skipped trail altogether and bailed to get to the bar! As a reward, Sticky Lips gifted him the Hash Shit. ? Hump The Shark let his boys out let his inner boy out and was caught jumping in puddles. He got so excited that there are distinct reports of a telltale wet spot in his crotch area. ? Stool Stuffer – wanting to stay dry – wore a raincoat that kept all external wetness out. This had the added benefit of sealing his own juices in. Yum. ? Daisy Duke anointed himself to drink from the new shoes that the Hash bought him, even though he did not wear said new shoes on trail.
ON ON ! PMS
(Input from Slippy Thong and King Shit. Photos by King Shit, Slippy Thong and Tight Lips. Running map by Snevil)
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers