2236 – There’s No Place Like Home

Hare: Snevil
Where: Sandy Beach Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Marda Loop Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: Hump the Shark
Attendance: 28

Snevil hadn’t been back from England for a day that she decided to set trail. What a trouper.

We were excited to see special UK marks or for the hare to be speaking with a strange accent but alas, everything was sadly very normal. To be clear, normal isn’t boring. A Snevil normal is…

This scribe relies 100% on the tales and photos of people who actually attended the run. Tales vary in length and girth, depending on whose they are. But this week, Hump the Shark needs to be acknowledged for providing HOT AND READY tales.

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[Hump The Shark] had the pleasure of being RA tonight so [he] figured [he]’d send [me] some notes 🙂:

– Tonight was a fantastic shiggy trail by Snevil, balls/muff deep in the Elbow.
– we had two visitors, Big Stick from Australia and Banshee from Vancouver
– two new boots joined our ranks: Bill brought out by Just Ten Beaver and Sonya brought out by Business In The Back
– [Just Ten Beaver and BIB] failed to tell them all the hash rules. Bill “won the hash” with a finishing sprint and Sonya wore a race shirt.
– the hash was to vote on who got the hash shit for not teaching the new boots properly. But BIB snuck a beer and was awarded it promptly
– we had a fantastic choir of Folk fest volunteers (Booty Camp, Snow Blower, Liquor Lots and AP). They did a rousing rendition of Monty Python’s Philosopher’s Song for Dr Just Ten Beaver
– Twisty got crabs on the walking trail (sic [what is this all about??])
– Abandoned Pussy will be known as Wet Pussy after the river crossing until she dries out
– Never Been was ratted out by daddy Stoolie for her new shoes
– lastly, the recently renamed Can Crusher was in fine crushing form tonight.

The walkers

ON ON!
PMS (but, really, Hump The Shark)

2235 – 354 days until Stampede!

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Aforza (Formerly the Tennis Academy), Calgary, AB
Directions: off 50 ave SW.
On-In: Chefs N Farmers, Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 19

Daisy Duke saves the hash (again) by setting trail. Not content with merely setting trail, Daisy set a dooooozie of a trail. He likes ’em long.

He also tasked the pack to track as many penises on trail as possible. He promised to trade alcohol for penises.
The walkers had a fun time – or so we’re told.

ON ON!
PMS

2234 – Anal Stampede Camp Out Weekend

Hares: Snevil, Liquor Lots, Slippy Thong and Hardly?
Where: Flint Rock Ranch, Cowley, AB T0K 0P0
Joint-RA’s: Masterbeater and RubberMade
Attendance: 24

To recycle AP’s pun from 8 years ago: sometimes, hashing is in tents!

Our tip tog organizers booked us a ranch with cabins and an airstream trailer for the glampers and tenting space for the others.

The nice ranch people even built a deck around the swimming hole so hashers were asked to bring their swimsuits (or not, in Skewb’s case) and any inflatable devices to drink beer on.

Hashers were also asked to make sure they had wood.

Only a few tales surfaced on the interwebz so, we’ll just leave the goings-on in the aforementioned hole to your imagination (aided with the many photos which were however posted)

Based on the photographic evidence and on previous experience, here is what we can assume:

  • trail was amazing;
  • people drank way to much for their own good;
  • there was some sort of midnight naked run initiated by Skewbic Hair and enthusiastically joined in by RubberMade;
  • there were many references to penises

Pictures of trail: she was steep.

Calgary hashers are the best-looking hashers!

ON ON!
PMS
(Photos courtesy of Snevil, Lying Sack o’ Shit and Skewb)

2233 – Significant 🎂 Run (and Masterbeater’s cumback)

Hares: Skewbic Hair and Dastardly
Where: South Glenmore Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Skewbic Hair and Mucky Dip’s Love Palace
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 34

🎶 Hashy Birthday f%$# you!🎵
🎵 Hashy Birthday f%$# you! 🎶
🎶 Hashy Birthday f%$#, “dear” Skooooooob! 🎵
🎵 Hashy Birthday f%$# you! 🎶

Because he prefers to give than to receive, Skewbic Hair (with the help of his acolyte Dastardly) gave us the gift of trail, shiggy and skeeters on his own birthday. What a guy.

Skewb’s thunder was stolen a little bit by the fact that Hash God Masterbeater and his lovely Pink Meat came all the way from Oregon for a visit. Not content with just showing his beautiful face, Masterbeater came in a kilt, worn the way God intended it. Photos were taken, but I’m keeping those for myself. 🍑🍆

Other Archives were Burps McGee & Broke Back Mount Me.

This is what happened tonight:
👣 Rashy Bush bringing her own handcuffs to the hash.
👣 Sticky Lips sharing a new hah song with the group. “There’s a Skeeter on my Peter, wack it off”! (Speaking of songs, later that evening, we finally got past 2 verses of the Ol’ El Camino song! An all time high!)
👣 Hump the Shark headed down to the nude beach after LSOS, and both were reported to be smiling even after being thwarted by a back check
👣 Mucky Dip invited this rowdy group back to her place after trail for a party like no other… She definitely is the hostess with the most-ess.
👣 Lof-T Prancer has been found to like it on the rear. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
👣 Insane Bolt passed on the Hash Shit to Camshaft for running right past a check back.
👣 Karen found the ruckus caused by the pack to be quite unpleasant but couldn’t locate the manager to express her discuntent.
👣 Bashers Fog Horney & Chick Lick made an appearance to honour Skewbie (and no doubt to take a peek under Masterbeater’s kilt)
👣 Stool Stuffer earned the most beer credits on trail based on technology-confirmed data: he had the longest one.

We had a few charges tonight:
– against Men O Pause for his attire. Pink Meat wants a volunteer to help him gear up for hash.
– against Karate Klit from Lying Sack of Shit. KK was running at the front and falsely cried check back. It must have been the excitement of being FRB… as she is more accustomed to being DFL.

On On!
PMS (with the help of Slippy Thong’s very detailed notes)
Photo credits: Pink Meat, King Shit, Skewbic Hair, Snevil

2232 – Pyro Saves The Hash Again!

Hares: Pyro and Liquor Quicker
Where: Tuscany NW Run Start Location, Calgary, AB
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 18

Here is what transpired on trail and after:

  • Choir was masterfully lead by Skewbic Hair.
  • Hashers who deigned grace us with their presence (archives): Insane Bolt, Lof-T Prancer, Liquor Quicker (hare AND archive? Am I reading this right?)
  • We had a visitor from Switzerland: Bern Balls (why not Rug Bern, I wonder?)
  • The following hashers (human and dog alike) were awarded the “Dirtiest” Award: Dastardly (human) and Poppy (dog)
  • We had a series of “Dog Sluts”. It turns out that a variety of offenses will warrant you getting this title. When one dog slut drinks, all dog sluts drink!!
    – Just-10 Beaver was named dog slut extraordinaire. She earned the titled because despite having no dog of her own, she brought dog treats to the run. She volunteered to run with Maverick, whom Liquor Lots is dog sitting. She even ran back 200m down the trail from on-in with a poo bag to pick up after it. What a star.
    – Lof-T also ran with Maverick for a bit.
    – Twisty raved about her daughter’s new puppy.
  • Blue Balls left before he could be downed. He needed to be punished for leading the walkers astray, and had to be dragged back by the hare.
  • Sexual Offense: Twisty was complaining about elliptical trainers. She doesn’t like to spread her legs that wide (that’s NOT what Hardly says).
  • Just Matt was named Sheep Skate: when cumming to pay for hash cash, he was a Toonie short. He had to rely on a pensioner on a fixed income (King Shit) to pay the rest!
  • DFLs : Stoolie, Dastardly, Bern Balls were dead fucking last.  Liquor Quicker swept the trail and was significantly slowed down but their lack of athleticism.

Thank you for the detailed notes King Shit! And thank you Skewb for the photos.

ON ON!
PMS

2231 – 🇨🇦 The Amazing Hash 🇨🇦

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Prairie Dog Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair?
Attendance: 26

Hardly and Twisty are simply the best at organizing special events. It’s days like these that it’s clear they have that much more hashing experience than the rest of us.

A lot of ground was covered, a lot if fun was had and – obviously – a lot of beer was guzzled.

Thank you Hardly and Twisty for being the ❤️ and 🧠 of the Calgary Hash House Harriers.