Hares: Nev-R-Bin haring two trail in a month Where: Bowness Pub NW, Calgary, AB RA: ? Attendance: 28
In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta. Land Acknowledgement | Calgary Foundation
Every Monday we come out and play on this beautiful land we are lucky to share with all the people – Indigenous and non – who also love, honour and celebrate it.
This week, we enjoyed playing near Bowness, a jewel in and of itself in Calgary. Nev-R-Bin gifted us with an 8K beauty.
Hares: A.P. Where: A.O. Wheeler Hut, Glacier National Park, BC RA: A.P. and King Shit Attendance: 14
This trail was part of our anal fall hiking weekend in the mountains. Thanks to King Shit’s planning, we scored a whole 30 people hut for our 14-man group. Included were 1 Edmonton visitor (Dark Side of the Moon) and 1 archive (Tommy TwoFinger) who both drove close to 6 and a half hours for this. They’d agree that it was totally worth it. We also had a near-virgin. Jenni-you-can-call-me-anything-fer had only hashed once before and joined our ranks for the night.
It has become tradition to have a numbered trail at these events. The length and difficulty of those trails are inversely proportional to the hare (and the pack’s) level of intoxication.
AP set trail and RA’ed. She took it very personally that not all members of the group did her trail and she gave them non-alcoholic French beer as punishment!
Other offenses included: · excessive awesomeness (PMS, Dark Side, Strap-On) · sexually explicit comments regarding King Shit’s whiskey (“it’s really quite thick. It coats your mouth but it’s quite good once you swallow”, “I really can’t do it. I suck so hard”, “it finishes really well after it shoots out of your eyeballs”) · making the RA feel guilty for missing her rugby game (and others I can’t remember on account of alcohol).
Our newbie got named. She had mentioned that her name was Jennifer, but could be called “Jen, Jenny, or Fur“. She later mentioned something about “rubbing Jen-itals”. She will henceforth be know as Furry Genitals.
Hares: Liquor Lots, OPP, Hardly & Snevil Where: Elite Brewing and Cidery, Calgary, AB RA: Tardy Dastardly Attendance: 16 (+ a throuple of bashers)
We were promised an EPIC trail with a view by the dynamic Liquor Lots, OPP and their respective pups. They claimed it was going to be the trail of the year, the trail to end all trails.
Wellllll, it sure was a trail like no other. In fact, it was no trail at all! On account of their lack of foresight, their 100% chalked trail got completely washed away by today’s torrential downpour. So here they were, at 7pm, with their trails between their legs asking for volunteers to live hare the thing!
Our two hash heroes Snevil and Hardly stepped up to the plate and set just what we were promised: an epic trail with a view. You can tell an experienced hasher by the quality of their live improvised trails.
Late cummer Dastardly was punished and made to RA. Bashers were punished and made to entertain us with their mouths. There was much rejoicing.
These two must be the Calgary Hash House Harriers’ most prolific hares. They just can’t get enough.
Sadly, tonight’s run saw a very small committee of only the most dedicated and athletic hashers. Someone even pointed out that, for the first time in hashtory, the # of Full Mooners (Saturday night) exceeded the # of hashers at the Monday run.
Bridgeland trails typically offer hills and a mix of urban and trail running. I couldn’t exactly tell you if this one did, as Snevil, Rashy and myself missed the second half of the trail. WHY, you ask? Even though arrows never lie, hares sure do and Snow Blower pointed us in the wrong direction.
We won’t stay mad at him however; it was his birthday after all. And for his birthday, he gifted us with a “Magic Mike” moment:
Here are some of the offenses that occurred on trail: · Cam Shaft’s new girlfriend lives on his wrist and whispers sweet nothings to him. · Daisy Duke is a (corn hole) playa. Apparently he went straight for the hole without any foreplay or prior lubrication. · walkers all stopped on trail for “fluid adjustment”. They oughta be publicly pissed on.