2288 – School’s Out for Summer Annual Run

Hares: Ms Cheeks (Hot) and Ms Pussy (Abandoned)
Hare in absentia: Ms Spanker (involved in no way, shape or form)
Where: Bebo Grove, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 28! A full class

Attendance declines towards the end of the school year and this is true for teachers also; PMS (yours truly) is missing this whole last week (and was therefore also absent at this momentous yearly event).

Luckily Hot Cheeks and AP picked up the slack and hared a short but action-packed trail. They designed a test of people’s ability to cross water and offered no accommodation for vertically challenged people. This resulted in varied impact on the tall and the short.

A new onesie (of shame?) appeared. I’m assuming it was provided by the hares? Alternatively, it may have been provided by Lying Sack of Shit who was spotted wearing it at the beginning of trail.

So, as of Friday:

We got no class (not that we ever do)
And we got no principals (or principles)
And we got no innocence (not anymore)

On On!

2287 – Q: Who wears short shorts?

A: Daisy Duke (the hare)
Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 16

It’s unfortunate that this week’s weather was reminiscent of March weather with its drizzle and single-digit temps. These were not the best conditions to bare your legs and your midriff (in true Daisy Duke fashion). Only 16 hashers showed up and some didn’t even run. There may even have been some “bashers” (Hot*cough*Cheeks).

This allowed for Mucky Dip to be FRB for a while. She’s starting to like the feeling.

Liquor Lots, Slippy Thong and Hot Cheeks were punished for Race-ism as they entered an *actual* race over the weekend. Liquor Lots even proceeded to post about it on the Hash Faceplace Group… If that isn’t a hash-shittable offense, I don’t know what is. Although, in fairness, all the hash shits are sitting in Skoob’s garage so there are none to pass around.

Speaking of FRB… While hashing in New York for their 2000th run, we learned a new acronym: FBI= First Bitch In. ???? Heeeeey, it’s race-ist AND sexist! ????

Roaring Nancy was noted for losing his marbles as he forgot the lyrics to the “S H I T T Y T R A I L” song, even though it is sung – mostly undeservedly – Every. Freaking. Week.

The hare chose his favourite new brewery. It is conveniently located near a barber shop (Omar’s) and a storefront called “Just Barbs” which makes us wonder what it sells. (A quick Google job shows that a missing apostrophe is all it takes to take this place from a hair salon that belongs to Barb to a shop possibly selling barb wire/fish hooks. It is the former.)

Not many tales emanated from this week’s trail, so…

On On!

2286 – Pyro ❤️ Bush

Hares: Pyro (the brain) & Insane Bolt (the legs)
Where: Villa D’Esta (12 Mile Coulee), Calgary, AB
On-In: Last Straw Ale House, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 22

The announced hare for tonight was Pyro (by his lonesome). Trail was indeed his brain child, but having injured himself (how??), he hired the services of his son-in-law to actually physically set it. “Insane-the-Sado-Masochist-Bolt” probably went the (literal) extra mile and marked longer check backs than mapped out by Pyro.

Thanks to cleverly marked circle jerks her athleticism, Mucky Dip got to FRB on a couple of occasions.

Unfortunately, the assistant to the hare Insane Bolt sent her off trail (down a check back) which led her to finishing DFL again. Normally she does this all on her own!

Trail was beautiful, with many ups and downs, and regroup at the end had many down downs.

Yet another successful trail for the Calgary Hash House Harriers.

On On!

2285 – The Last Minute Trail

Hares: Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Rotary Park NE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26

Following a desperate post from our Hash Mattress that announced the end of the Hash unless someone stepped up to hare this Monday, two ballsy members came forward and agreed to set trail at the last hour.

From my experience, last minute hares set trails that are (counter intuitively) inversely proportionate in length to the length of the notice they got. Meaning: little notice long trail. Out of spite. Because that‘ll teach us.

This principle proved true this evening as I my internal GPS clocked tonight’s trail at nearly 9K. (8.87km to be precise. My internal GPS is *very * accurate)

Trail was beautiful; the hare was inspired. Some say he was on *fire*, so much so that he actually set some part of trail on fire and 6 firetrucks had to be called to put it out.

Hung Loose (or “Well Hung” as On-In likes to call him – he must have inside information) resurfaced after months in hiding.
Newly named Covered in Goo came out again, so he wasn’t totally put off by the name.

On On!