Address to a Haggis […] Ye Pow’rs wha mak mankind your care, And dish them out their bill o’ fare, Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware That jaups in luggies; But, if ye wish her gratfu’ prayer, Gie her a Haggis!
Robert Burns
The Beginning
Hashers grabbed their passports, fueled up their cars, bought snacks for the ride and headed down to the deeep deeeeeep south.
The Circle
Insane Bolt led circle masterfully and we all found out (Blue Balls included) that it was a Blue Balls’ milestone! The man learned that he was getting 69’ed tonight (1369 was his magic number).
The Run
Hump, who typically likes to treat us to a long and hard one, surprised us with a slightly shorter than expected treat (but it was a little cold, to be fair).
The Down Downs
Here were some of the offenses that warranted these hashers a down down: * OPP for being trippy * Hot Cheeks, Twisted Sister and Blue Balls for being short cutting bastards * Karate Klit for swinging her balls around (snow balls) * Hot Cheeks for going down on Lazy Cummer (or going down under Lazy Cummer?.. something like that.) * Insane Bolt for causing a muggle to rush out of her house in sweatpants and cowboy boots (now there’s the real crime)
The Highlight
The flawless singing by choir PMS and Coq Titty, despite the heckling by an angry lady.
Mr. PeeeeeNutOn InMarks
What a view!
Insane BoltHardlyBlue BallsHump the Shark showing is left knee
In the celebration of Robbie (Rabbie) Burns, the Scottish poet and lyricist , lived from 25 January 1759 – 21 July 1796. He is widely regarded as the national poet of Scotland and is celebrated worldwide.
Hump the Shark volunteered to set trail for the Robbie Burns tribute run. All things Scottish was the theme. The location was in the deep south community of Legacy, which is most of the way to Okotoks. Bobby’s Place Pub is a Scottish themed eatery which had Haggis on the menu.
With succinct GPS coordinates, finding the place only took more time than you could have imagined. Those coming from the north could have been most of the way to Banff if they were heading west. Nevertheless, the venue offered a view into a new section of town and distant views of downtown from top of the river bank!
The weather was good with above freezing temperatures. Perfect for high quality ice and slippery conditions. Hashers arrived to the pub and began their preparations for the evening trail.
Bobby’s Place Pub
PMS thinkingA table of enthusiastsSnevil getting readyShakes Beer appears out of nowhere!
The pack was instructed to head outside for the circle.
Hot Pants and Tighty WhiteyFog Horny and Comes and GoesBlue BallsLiquor Lots adorning the Hat ShitHump the Shark and PMSTwistyStoolie spiking upStrap On CramponPlaid artwork New boot – Just TomHot CheeksOn InLiquor lots and Lazy CummerSnevil and Mucky DipInsane BoltArchive – Shakes BeerJust JenBacchanal
PMS called the circle to order and we went through the introductions. New boots, archives and a good turn out for such a southern location.
PMS doing some sort of strange danceOne foot seems like enough
Hump the Shark was called into the circle to describe the marks.
Marking These are the marks!
There was flagging described as well as mention of a walkers trail. The hash was released into the neighbourhood to find the marks.
The Trail
Off we go in all directions. Plenty of ice to navigate and much confusion. Tiny marks widely spaced. Eventually, we found the beginning of the trail and the pack as off.
Which way!Perhaps this way?Really, it is over here…
Parks were present, so playing was a thing. Shiny new playground equipment offered some new play experiences.
PlaygroundSpinning thingThis could end badly
From the top of the river bank, there were some great views of downtown, which was very far away.
Hardly follows SnevilNice headlights!ViewpointA view of a downtown very far away
More urban exploring uncovered evidence of a civilization that must have existed in Legacy prior to the redevelopment. There is some chance that this is fake.
We can patch this upThis is what the blue prints said!
Apparently there is some unique wildlife on the pathways . No camels or elephants were spotted and we heard no one speaking to their dogs.
Dog talkInteresting animals use this trail
More wilderness, pathways, parks and sidewalks lead us to the regroup.
House with lightsPark lightingStrap on with playing assistanceMore assistanceNothing good happens hereHope it is this wayQuite a climbPlayground availablePlay here
After what seemed to be a long time, the regroup was discovered and all was put right.
RegroupHot Pants prior to accepting the Hat ShitIf you touch it, you wear itSafely packed up!
Off to the pub to conduct the down down’s
The Down Down’s
We presented a large group to the pub and they were able to accommodate us. They had haggis on the menu which was popular with the Scottish aligned crowd.
We gathered and figured out where to sit and what to order prior to the commencement of the down down cerimonies.
Eating and hash cashInsane Bolt with hope that his onesie of shame will be releasedTW being assaulted by KKSerious chat tableConversationalistsThe new kids plotting to overthrow the current regime
On In and Snevil got to work to start the down down’s. On In looked after the Scottish piece and Snevil did the rest.
On In and Snevil preparing for the down down’s
A choir of King Shit and Tighty Whitey was selected and we were ready to go.
Choir singing themselves a songChoir with down down
With the Robbie Burns theme, On In educated us on all things Scottish, and provided a tribute to the haggis. In spite of the lack of simultaneous translation, the delivery was excellent.
On In
More crimes and punishments were handed out by Snevil.
Liquor Lots and Hot Pants – Hat Shit transferInsane looses the onesieLiquor Lots happy to receive the Onesie of Shame
More offences came forward. Something to do with clothing redistribution on trail.
Bacchanal clothes the groupNew boot Just Tom with a donated item of clothing
Hard to keep track of the multiple offences, but here are the people that were honoured.
Bacchanal is recruitingThe return of Shakes BeerJust Jen getting closer to a namingHappy walkers
During the festivities, a beer was sacrificed and created quite a mess and a workplace hazard. A quick response from the spill response team made everything right again.
Before pictureThen this happenedNo chance to reassembleCorrect one footed technique for spill clean up
Recovering from the beer mishap, more hashers were called up to received down down’s.
PMSKK and TW
With all crimes disclosed and worked with, we were declared “on the piss”, and a down down was given to the RA’s.
Down down for the religious advisors
Scribed by Skewbic Hair.
Trail Summary
A fine trail of some 7 km’s was enjoyed by all that ran with the pack this evening. Great terrain and extremely high quality ice. Strap On crampons are a must for this type of weather.
A run in the deep south is always something to look forward to. As the city spreads out and consumes farmland, new neighbourhoods spring up on land that was unknow to the GPS.
Cranston is one such neighbourhood. We were happy that the Berwick Public House is there and able to host the run. The weather has been surprisingly warm, which makes for some really good slippery sections as the snow melts onto the sidewalks.
The theme for the run was Robbie Burns. It would have been his 266 birthday on January 25. Celebrating all things Scottish for this legacy poet, As such, there was a toast the Robbie Burns (with McClelland’s Scotch) at the beginning of the circle.
Robert Burns, also known familiarly as Rabbie Burns, was a Scottish poet and lyricist. He is widely regarded as the national poet of Scotland and is celebrated worldwide.
The pack assembled inside the Berwick Public House, waiting for the call to go outside. They had a section put aside for the group which seem to be well suited for our needs.
Eventually, we headed outside to start the run. The group clustered around the streetlight outside the front door of the pub and waited for a signal from On-In to start the circle. Some Scottishness was observed in the circle!
On-In in the circleDastardly and No CureSkewbic Hair in his Scottish costumeKins Shit and TwistyBeer in the Rear and SnevilSlippy Thong and Hot CheeksLiquor LotsDastardly and StoolieTighty Whitey and Insane BoltSlow Clap and Blue BallsNo Cure introduced as a visitor
Hump the Shark was brought into the circle to describe the marks he had marked the trail with. A walkers trail was identified! Extra effort to do that.
The pack was released into the wilds of Cranston for find the marks.
The Trail
Multiple check backs started the trail. After much milling about, the pack was finally looking like they found something. The ice and slush mixture on the roads and sidewalks was delightful to run in.
Just lookingMarks this wayViewpointLighting up the pathwayViewpoint againSnevil runningTrail goes this wayTrafficPlaygroundInsane Bolt testing the slide
After much running around in a circle, we realized that Cranston is nothing more than a big circle with a couple of pathways behind the houses to try and hide the fact….it is a big circle.
Eventually, the regroup was discovered. Happy hashers with beverages.
Regrouping in style.
The End
We made are way back to the Berwick to get set up for the closing ceremonies. We had the foresight to get a reservation which made it all seem worthwhile.
The group found a place to sit and ordered refreshments and food prior to the Down Down’s start.
On-In was the Religious Advisor. The kick things off, a taste of haggis for the culinary crowd in the group. The question to answer is…”how can this awful collection of meat parts taste so good?” There were some come backs for extra helpings.
Haggis preparationYummy!
With the goodies dispensed with, a choir was appointed. Slow Clap and Hardly were called into action. A series of down-downs transpired with much song and merriment. It is difficult to keep track of all the offences, but there were a few.
Choir – Hardly and Slow ClapInsane Bolt and Tighty WhiteyNo CureSlippy, LL and Blue BallsDastardlySnevilScottish Themed Dress
Eventually, we were all done. On the piss
Scribed by Skewbic Hair
The Trail
More than 6 km. Even more for the FRB’s.
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
