Hares: Ms Cheeks (Hot) and Ms Pussy (Abandoned) Hare in absentia: Ms Spanker (involved in no way, shape or form) Where: Bebo Grove, Calgary, AB RA: On-In Attendance: 28! A full class
Attendance declines towards the end of the school year and this is true for teachers also; PMS (yours truly) is missing this whole last week (and was therefore also absent at this momentous yearly event).
Luckily Hot Cheeks and AP picked up the slack and hared a short but action-packed trail. They designed a test of people’s ability to cross water and offered no accommodation for vertically challenged people. This resulted in varied impact on the tall and the short.
The tall…… and the short.
A new onesie (of shame?) appeared. I’m assuming it was provided by the hares? Alternatively, it may have been provided by Lying Sack of Shit who was spotted wearing it at the beginning of trail.
So, as of Friday:
We got no class (not that we ever do) And we got no principals (or principles) And we got no innocence (not anymore)
A: Daisy Duke (the hare) Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB RA: On-In Attendance: 16
It’s unfortunate that this week’s weather was reminiscent of March weather with its drizzle and single-digit temps. These were not the best conditions to bare your legs and your midriff (in true Daisy Duke fashion). Only 16 hashers showed up and some didn’t even run. There may even have been some “bashers” (Hot*cough*Cheeks).
This allowed for Mucky Dip to be FRB for a while. She’s starting to like the feeling.
Liquor Lots, Slippy Thong and Hot Cheeks were punished for Race-ism as they entered an *actual* race over the weekend. Liquor Lots even proceeded to post about it on the Hash Faceplace Group… If that isn’t a hash-shittable offense, I don’t know what is. Although, in fairness, all the hash shits are sitting in Skoob’s garage so there are none to pass around.
Speaking of FRB… While hashing in New York for their 2000th run, we learned a new acronym: FBI= First Bitch In. ???? Heeeeey, it’s race-ist AND sexist! ????
Roaring Nancy was noted for losing his marbles as he forgot the lyrics to the “S H I T T Y T R A I L” song, even though it is sung – mostly undeservedly – Every. Freaking. Week.
The hare chose his favourite new brewery. It is conveniently located near a barber shop (Omar’s) and a storefront called “Just Barbs” which makes us wonder what it sells. (A quick Google job shows that a missing apostrophe is all it takes to take this place from a hair salon that belongs to Barb to a shop possibly selling barb wire/fish hooks. It is the former.)
Not many tales emanated from this week’s trail, so…
The announced hare for tonight was Pyro (by his lonesome). Trail was indeed his brain child, but having injured himself (how??), he hired the services of his son-in-law to actually physically set it. “Insane-the-Sado-Masochist-Bolt” probably went the (literal) extra mile and marked longer check backs than mapped out by Pyro.
Thanks to cleverly marked circle jerks her athleticism, Mucky Dip got to FRB on a couple of occasions.
Unfortunately, the assistant to the hare Insane Bolt sent her off trail (down a check back) which led her to finishing DFL again. Normally she does this all on her own!
Trail was beautiful, with many ups and downs, and regroup at the end had many down downs.
Yet another successful trail for the Calgary Hash House Harriers.
Following a desperate post from our Hash Mattress that announced the end of the Hash unless someone stepped up to hare this Monday, two ballsy members came forward and agreed to set trail at the last hour.
From my experience, last minute hares set trails that are (counter intuitively) inversely proportionate in length to the length of the notice they got. Meaning: little notice →long trail. Out of spite. Because that‘ll teach us.
This principle proved true this evening as I my internal GPS clocked tonight’s trail at nearly 9K. (8.87km to be precise. My internal GPS is *very * accurate)
Trail was beautiful; the hare was inspired. Some say he was on *fire*, so much so that he actually set some part of trail on fire and 6 firetrucks had to be called to put it out.
Hung Loose (or “Well Hung” as On-In likes to call him – he must have inside information) resurfaced after months in hiding. Newly named Covered in Goo came out again, so he wasn’t totally put off by the name.
If it’s erect, Hump just *has* to mount it!That midriff! Those legs!Don’t tell us what to do!What a classy guy, that hare!
This scribe loves it when scribblings write themselves (or, more accurately, when hares post long-winded details about the run on Facebook).
<copy> <paste>
[The Ogden Boat Launch is a] newly improved and otherwise pretty much unused parking area highly suitable for after run refreshments.
The planned run [was said to have] two river crossings, [was going to] 8km long and [promised to go] where no hash trail has gone before. [Hashers – self included – got very excited and did not] want to miss out on the excitement and inherent risks of hashing through virgin territory!
The area was relatively small, so to prevent Frops from blowing through a checkback and finding true trail when they were not supposed to, Monday’s trail [apparently had] no checkbacks. It [was supposed to have] instead six Turkey Checks. These [supposedly had] an arrow pointing in the direction of true trail the pack is expected NOT to follow.
For slower runners these checks also [were rumored to have] a number representing how many hundreds of meters of true trail they [could] cut off. This [was supposed to] cut true trail down from 8 km to 5 km.
There [were] no playgrounds on trail but [we were promised] lots of other interesting things and places to look at and wonder about.
<resume Scribe mode>
OK, so this is what was promised. In hindsight, and reading through the lines, maybe it was clear that trail wasn’t going to be traditional shiggy. Instead, we were given solid pavement pounding (with some gravel and train tracks), detritus, nasty smells and VERY confusing and/or invisible markings.
Is it a check? Is it On? wHO knows?Running from the CP Police DDDD: Dumpster Diving Daisy Duke
Still, where the hare spoke the truth is that trail was indeed 8k. A horrible, stinky 8k. 😉 I say this with the utmost respect for Dastardly who normally delivers the BEST, most epic trails. Even Dastardly is allowed the occasional fuck up.
The regroup was back at the parking lot and that is where down downs occurred.
Hares: Hardly, Twisted Sister Guest Hare: Hash Test Dummy (yes, that’s right Hash Test. I too am splitting hares) Where: 2716 16 St SE Calgary, AB On-In: Cold Garden Brewing, Calgary, AB What: Run starting from the run #1 starting point, followed by a picnic and libations. RA: On In/Dastardly Attendance: 41
40 years ago, a couple of accountants changed the face of the Calgary r*nning and drinking scene by starting their own chapter of the Hash House Harriers. Here we are, 2282 runs later, celebrating 4 decades of uninterrupted weekly Monday night trails.
The CH3 was founded by Mike “Oombala” Carr and other accountants, mainly from Clarkson Gordon (now Ernst & Young). “Oombala” got his Hash “training” in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Their first run was on May 30, 1983; starting from The Portuguese Society of Calgary, 2716 – 16th Street S.E., Calgary. There were 15 people at Calgary’s first run and the Hares were Mike Carr and Mike Manderson. Mike Carr now lives (but no longer Hashes) in Houston, Texas. Mike Manderson lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and also no longer Hashes. Stuart “On-In” Crichton is the only hasher left who was at the first run
Today, the hares made us start from the original starting point of run #1. They took us around Ramsay/Inglewood, through grassy patches riddled by gophers. Trail was under 5K and ended near Pearce Estate Park. Unfortunately, Dastardly dropped the balls and forgot to bring the beers to the regroup!
The Hash Gods blessed us with great sunny weather and kindly waited until the end of the picnic to start the drizzling.
Around 40 hashers gathered for this special anniversary run, including two last minute visitors who normally hash in Australia. They are experienced hashers and commented that despite having hashed 5 continents, this was their first time penetrating a gopher hole. Other visitors include Dark Side of the Moon and Bubble Boy from Edmonton. Archives were Krusty, Whale Wanker and Coq Titty.
the HaresLook at those shirts!
Visitors:
Dark Side and Bubble Boy (Edmonton)Dingo Berry and Pussy Willow (Sydney?)
Hares: Camshaft & Mmm…Ladyfingers! Where: Bowmont Dog Park, Calgary, AB On-In: Mmmmmh Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s Abode, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 26
‘Twas a special run, run 2282. Not only was it on Victoria Day, which happened to fall on a 22 (tutu), but it was also MLFBD Eve (the eve of Mmmmmh Lady Finger’s Birthday).
Cam Shaft was resolved to give us the B.E.S.T and longest of trails but Mother Nature had other plans. The torrential downpour cut the trail-setting short and washed off some of the markings.
Nonetheless, what the hares did manage to set was absolutely glorious. And Mother Nature blessed us with the most beautiful weather as we ran trail. Regroup was cut short by the return of the rain but we all met in the hares’ garage for down downs and burgers.
VP? What V?Happy Birthday FUCK YOUSomeone wants to start a “sitting hash”.
Hares: Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks, Booty Camp & Snow Blower Where: Royal Sunalta Park SW, Calgary, AB Original On-In: Two House Brewing SW, Calgary, AB New updated On-In: Tailgunner Brewing, Calgary, AB
Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks celebrated in style by setting trail with the Boo-Blow, the hash’s sexiest couple.
Luckily, trail happened the night before the big smoke cloud engulfed Calgary and we were still able to run rather unimpeded, save for the stifling heat. True trail was supposedly 5.7k but some hashers ran over a kilometer worth of check backs! (You’re welcome! 😉
The original On-In location had to be adjusted due to mechanical failure on site. Birthday revelers ended up cumming together at Tailgunner Brewing to celebrate’s Hot Cheeks 35th birthday.
Hot Cheeks really wanted to be in the picture. You win!
Hares: Slippy Thong (and Lying Sack of Shit) Where: 403 Local, Calgary, AB Attendance: 18 RA: On In
Unfortunately for Slippy, her chalk-marked trail got completely washed away by that afternoon’s torrential downpour. Luckily, her knight in a shitty sack volunteered to reset the trail as “deferred live hare” (meaning he didn’t quite “live hare” it, but re-marked it with a 20 minutes head start).
The hares promised shiggy and they gave us some mud, a (premature for the season) river crossing and a guard goose!
Hare: OPP and Liquor Lots Where: Moose McGuire Pub, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 29
So this run was an attempt to hijack the yearly “School’s Out for Summer” run (hared by CH3’s best teachers). (That’s right, that’s us giving you a dirty look, OPP!) OPP, however, in an interesting twist, offered the same concept but from a student’s perspective. No one really knows what schooling she finished. She just wants to forget it all.
The hares
OPP and Liquor Lots paired up – again! – to give us the hottest run of the year (literally *and* figuratively)! Because school’s out (for OPP), she was running low on chalk and marks were few and far between. Still we managed to find our way, mostly thanks to Hardly’s Spidey-Senses.
Hares, rather than do a proper sweep (as a good hare should do…) were caught short cutting and sitting on the grass on a couple of occasions.
Liquor Lots and (not a hare) Rashy Bush
Speaking of Hardly: at one point, it was noted that Hardly was just *too big* and couldn’t fit (that’s what she said).
We had a New Boot: Felipe* who was recruited by Just 10 Beaver, Hot Cheeks and Slippy Thong? Those three apparently attend another weekly running/drinking event (with cooler, younger and more attractive attendees?). We’re hoping not to have turned Felipe off.
After the run, choir was held by CYHMN and Hardly (him again!) who had brought his good book of hymns.
Down Downs included:
King Shit’s milestone run: 1600 runs! This legend drank his full yard of beer without hesitation or pause and without a single droplet ending anywhere else but his belly. Props!
Stool Stuffer and Slippy Thongs were punished for their arrogance in thinking they could get away with wearing new footwear to a hash.
On On PMS
*Felipe was originally erroneously referred to as “Enrique”. This scribe’s brain mixed up her new Mexican neighbour, “Enrique”, with our New Boot “Felipe”. Apoligies to our New Boot.
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
