Hares: Hardly, Twisted Sister Guest Hare: Hash Test Dummy (yes, that’s right Hash Test. I too am splitting hares) Where: 2716 16 St SE Calgary, AB On-In: Cold Garden Brewing, Calgary, AB What: Run starting from the run #1 starting point, followed by a picnic and libations. RA: On In/Dastardly Attendance: 41
40 years ago, a couple of accountants changed the face of the Calgary r*nning and drinking scene by starting their own chapter of the Hash House Harriers. Here we are, 2282 runs later, celebrating 4 decades of uninterrupted weekly Monday night trails.
The CH3 was founded by Mike “Oombala” Carr and other accountants, mainly from Clarkson Gordon (now Ernst & Young). “Oombala” got his Hash “training” in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Their first run was on May 30, 1983; starting from The Portuguese Society of Calgary, 2716 – 16th Street S.E., Calgary. There were 15 people at Calgary’s first run and the Hares were Mike Carr and Mike Manderson. Mike Carr now lives (but no longer Hashes) in Houston, Texas. Mike Manderson lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and also no longer Hashes. Stuart “On-In” Crichton is the only hasher left who was at the first run
Today, the hares made us start from the original starting point of run #1. They took us around Ramsay/Inglewood, through grassy patches riddled by gophers. Trail was under 5K and ended near Pearce Estate Park. Unfortunately, Dastardly dropped the balls and forgot to bring the beers to the regroup!
The Hash Gods blessed us with great sunny weather and kindly waited until the end of the picnic to start the drizzling.
Around 40 hashers gathered for this special anniversary run, including two last minute visitors who normally hash in Australia. They are experienced hashers and commented that despite having hashed 5 continents, this was their first time penetrating a gopher hole. Other visitors include Dark Side of the Moon and Bubble Boy from Edmonton. Archives were Krusty, Whale Wanker and Coq Titty.
Hares: Camshaft & Mmm…Ladyfingers! Where: Bowmont Dog Park, Calgary, AB On-In: Mmmmmh Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s Abode, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 26
‘Twas a special run, run 2282. Not only was it on Victoria Day, which happened to fall on a 22 (tutu), but it was also MLFBD Eve (the eve of Mmmmmh Lady Finger’s Birthday).
Cam Shaft was resolved to give us the B.E.S.T and longest of trails but Mother Nature had other plans. The torrential downpour cut the trail-setting short and washed off some of the markings.
Nonetheless, what the hares did manage to set was absolutely glorious. And Mother Nature blessed us with the most beautiful weather as we ran trail. Regroup was cut short by the return of the rain but we all met in the hares’ garage for down downs and burgers.
Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks celebrated in style by setting trail with the Boo-Blow, the hash’s sexiest couple.
Luckily, trail happened the night before the big smoke cloud engulfed Calgary and we were still able to run rather unimpeded, save for the stifling heat. True trail was supposedly 5.7k but some hashers ran over a kilometer worth of check backs! (You’re welcome! 😉
The original On-In location had to be adjusted due to mechanical failure on site. Birthday revelers ended up cumming together at Tailgunner Brewing to celebrate’s Hot Cheeks 35th birthday.
Hares: Slippy Thong (and Lying Sack of Shit) Where: 403 Local, Calgary, AB Attendance: 18 RA: On In
Unfortunately for Slippy, her chalk-marked trail got completely washed away by that afternoon’s torrential downpour. Luckily, her knight in a shitty sack volunteered to reset the trail as “deferred live hare” (meaning he didn’t quite “live hare” it, but re-marked it with a 20 minutes head start).
The hares promised shiggy and they gave us some mud, a (premature for the season) river crossing and a guard goose!
Hare: OPP and Liquor Lots Where: Moose McGuire Pub, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 29
So this run was an attempt to hijack the yearly “School’s Out for Summer” run (hared by CH3’s best teachers). (That’s right, that’s us giving you a dirty look, OPP!) OPP, however, in an interesting twist, offered the same concept but from a student’s perspective. No one really knows what schooling she finished. She just wants to forget it all.
OPP and Liquor Lots paired up – again! – to give us the hottest run of the year (literally *and* figuratively)! Because school’s out (for OPP), she was running low on chalk and marks were few and far between. Still we managed to find our way, mostly thanks to Hardly’s Spidey-Senses.
Hares, rather than do a proper sweep (as a good hare should do…) were caught short cutting and sitting on the grass on a couple of occasions.
Speaking of Hardly: at one point, it was noted that Hardly was just *too big* and couldn’t fit (that’s what she said).
We had a New Boot: Felipe* who was recruited by Just 10 Beaver, Hot Cheeks and Slippy Thong? Those three apparently attend another weekly running/drinking event (with cooler, younger and more attractive attendees?). We’re hoping not to have turned Felipe off.
After the run, choir was held by CYHMN and Hardly (him again!) who had brought his good book of hymns.
Down Downs included:
King Shit’s milestone run: 1600 runs! This legend drank his full yard of beer without hesitation or pause and without a single droplet ending anywhere else but his belly. Props!
Stool Stuffer and Slippy Thongs were punished for their arrogance in thinking they could get away with wearing new footwear to a hash.
On On PMS
*Felipe was originally erroneously referred to as “Enrique”. This scribe’s brain mixed up her new Mexican neighbour, “Enrique”, with our New Boot “Felipe”. Apoligies to our New Boot.
Hare: Dastardly Where: Cat ‘n Fiddle, Calgary, AB RA: Skewbic Hair Attendance: 50!
For this important and momentous event, our hare changed the rules a bit.
This week, trail was no secret. We were aiming for Lem’s house(s) via Queen’s Park Cemetery. Dastardly promised us a long one.
Only a few check backs were set on this special run to allow for extra running/ beer credits (the official exchange rate is 1 mile = 1 beer).
We had an amazing turnout of hashers and plenty of muggles too. People came from far and wide to commemorate our dearest Lem. Whale Wanker came from Lethbridge, Lost in Space from the Hat and Tommy TwoFinger came all the way from Coronation! Flash Pants came from Montreal, although it is said she was in town on business.
Run started promptly at 7pm too allow for everyone to be back in time for the live entertainment at the bar.
A slideshow was put together with 293 photos of Lem! Here are 9 of the best:
For the first time in a reaaaally long time (2017?), a Rocky Mountain trail was set. Hump the Shark chose what turned out to be a beautiful April day to do so. In addition, it was April 22nd – i.e. 2-2, and this constitutes an excuse to wear a tutu, which hashers go out of their way to do.
We had a small contingent of die hard hashers, a new boot and a representative of the next generation.
Trail was HORSESHIT, nay (neigh)… BULLSHIT. It was truly shitty, like… literally. There were all kinds of animal droppings along trail (deer, horse, cow… bear probably). Hump gave us lots of other shiggy too: snow, mud, and shrubbery. And views! So many epic views!
After the run, orange food group and hamburgers made their appearance, as well as libations. Despite the scribe’s excellent recommendation to go for Coors Light (the official beer of the Rocky Mountains – best served Rocky Mountain ), the hares opted for the more conservative President’s choice Red Ale and IPA.
We finally had confirmation of what we always knew: Hump enjoys the meat. He takes twice as much meat as most:
Our hostess Kim finally was named and will henceforth answer to the name 2SOH (2Shits, One Hole)
Hare: Roaring Nancy Where: Sandy Beach Park, Calgary, AB T2T 2V8 RA: On In Attendance: 24
Roaring Nancy titillated our curiosity with this Run name. “What Era? Tell us what’s going on” quoth we last week. He remained tight lipped until the event itself.
It turns out that he is officially exiting the work force at the tender age of 65 (’twas his birthday, too!). Geriatric Roaring Nancy is therefore now in “assisted haring” territory, incapable of covering the distance all by himself. Young Dastardly (our perma-hare) offered his assistance and they both came up with a complicated (and oh-so-funny) new set of marks for this “new age” trail.
On-on: R for Retirement
Check: Circle with “I” inside – Investing / Investigating
Check back: Circle with X and NR inside – Non-Registered / Non-receipt of further marks
Playground: CPP – Canada Pension Plan / Children’s Play Place
Viewpoint: OAP – Old Age Pensioner / Outdoor Aesthetic Place (This UK term may change before you get there to something more Canadian – OAS – Old Age Security / Outdoor Aesthetic Scene)
Turkey Trail – ER – Early Retirement from an unplanned bushwhacking section now part of the official trail only a true hasher will appreciate.
Regroup: RRSP or Refreshment Regroup Special Place
Most hashers *did* appreciate the bushwhacking although it is said that many harrierettes ended up with unwanted pricks in various body parts.
Sandy Beach is close to Roaring Nancy’s old house so he unsurprisingly had us run past it.
We also ran though 4 or 5 playground, where everyone played with themselves:
But some of the structures got the best of crossfitter Hot Quickie:
All in all, it was a successful trail. Happy Birthday FUCK YOU, Roaring Nancy!
The hares this week undeniably gave us the mother of all trail, the trail of the century, the greatest trail in history! Objectively. The hares included PMS and her delightful offspring Bah Bah Beer, who is undeniably the best, cutest, most special kid ever.
Trail consisted of a mix of trail running and pavement pounding to satisfy all types and it was neither too short nor to long. Some might say it was just right.
The shiggy was a delightful and surprising mix of slush puddles, snow, mud and ice to keep hashers on their toes – or not – as proved by Hot Cheeks:
A couple of hashers felt the need to complain about the danger and adversity they faced whilst on trail. They complained more than the co-hare, who is – in fact – a nine year old child.
Luckily, the pack was blessed with some of the best weather in recent hash memory so that was a bonus.
Today saw the return of newbie Brae (let’s hope we can make her cum again) and the visit of archives: “expats” Pull My Woodie and Sticky Lips, and busy bee Lof-T Prancer.
Skewbic Hair celebrated his 1050th run, while Hot Cheeks celebrated her 469th. Get a life, you two.
Hares: Abandoned Pussy Where: Lighthouse Pub, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 27
AP ❤️ DP (Double Plotting) This week, AP is double fisting and setting not one, but two trails, on both ends (of the week): 1) the regular Monday trail (front end of the week); 2) the Bad Thursday Full Moon Trail (back end).
AP has a thing for shiggy, and both trails start from or near Fish Creek. Alas tonight, AP had us circling the rim and we never got real deep into the Crick.
I wonder if some of the art on trail inspired the shape of her run?
She claims her small bladder is to blame for the length of the run (nearing 9k) as she had to pee and took the trail in the direction of the nearest public washroom.
We had a couple of noobs this week, John and Brae. They held their own and proved to be real keeners as both of them were FRB’ing at one point or another.
LiQUOR Lots celebrated her 150th and she received her long awaited sharpied red cap that no doubt got thrown in the garbage the second she got home.
On On PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers