Hares : Daisy Duke Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW Attendance : Twenty… nine* (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:
Trails are set for Monday nights.
Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
Circle up at 7:00 pm
All trails will have fully supported regroups
Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
Down Downs will be outside
On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
Masks are not required outside
2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households
As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.
This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.
Two milestones this week:
Pyro (the legend)ran his 1269th run
That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.
Hares : Lay’em in Snow & Dastardly (again!) Where : End of 40 Ave and Varsity Road NE Attendance : 23 (running separately, some from remote prairie locations)
Dastardly, who can’t seen to wanna stop haring, offered his assistance to other fellow Master Trail Setter Lay’em In Snow. They braved snakes and amphibians to set us a record setting trail that featured big wood, red-tipped cocks (or was it red-winged blackbirds?), beavers and a huge hole.
World’s Longest Scavenger Hunt list
world’s biggest check
big log with a H on it
Cliff swallows (at least that’s what he says)
Not many hashers are as into bird watching as Dastardly and Lay’em apparently are (we’re into a different kind of bird watching), so no one completed the scavenger hunt. Slippy Thong was reportedly too busy scanning the ground for reptiles to notice anything else.
Hump The Shark lost his car keys in the wilderness, which put him in the awkward situation of not having access to his beer at the regroup. Fear not, dear reader, some generous and selfless hashers provided Hump with libations, proving once again that the hash will always be there for you in your worst moments of need.
Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower Where : Booty & Snow’s Love Nest, 1739 – 27 Street SW Attendance : 12-ish? (running separately)
Monday was a very wet day and some of our most hardcore hashers passed on this trail. But rest assured that it wasn’t too wet for Pyro. He came.
Booty Camp and Snowblower opened their back door for the last time and they set a nice trail for us: not too long but really really hard. Lying Sack and Slippy Thong managed to make it longer (by rubbing it fervently, I assume) while Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer never found it at all!
Scavenger Hunt Items
Red winged blackbirds
The world’s biggest pile of sawdust
A wishing well
Lily of the Valleys in bloom
Mansion on a hill
Mmmmmmh Ladyfinger’s interpretation of the scavenger hunt list is looser than she is! In her defense, they were out of town, so she made do with what she had.
One milestone this week: Skewbic Hair “ran” his 950th, which – for once – he got recognized for on the actual day, thus robbing him of any excuse to whine.
Hares : Liquor Lots, Oozie Pizzle Panties, Dastardly Where : Bowmont Park, 85 St NW, Calgary Attendance : 29 (running separately)
This week again, hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures. Safety Third!
Scavenger Hunt Items
a non-hashers dog
hasher in a bikini
(optional ball pic)
It’s always a treat when veteran hasher Dastardly helps set trail. The hares did a remarkable job in this gem of a location. It was hard, wet, and slippery. We got high and we went down. The hares promised an 8k true trail and they delivered just that: no underselling, no over-delivering.
This was also the trail of many milestones:
King Shit ran his 1500th, securing his spot as the Runner Up to the Hash’s biggest loser title. Get a life, King Shit!
The beautiful Mucky Dip (569 runs) 69’ed fellow 69-er…
Liquor Lots (69 runs). Lesbians are best, boys!
Depending on when you ran trail, you may have run into Bownesian yoots loitering by the river, throwing caution to the wind and empties into the Bow. Tsk tsk.
This week marked the first trail set since the latest set of mandatory restrictions. Because the Calgary Hash House Harriers are responsible law-abiding citizens, hares set trail but hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures.
Scavenger Hunt Items
a bus or train stop a construction site a “sold” realtor sign a massage parlour a tree with Xmas lights (dick pics optional)
Trail was well marked (with V’s for on, C’s for checks and X’s for checkback) and left very little room for error, unless your name is Haywood Jablömee, in which case you ran every which way, paying little attention to marks and made the trail 19km long. Even your Strava gave up on you and reported back in two separate segments.
The rest of us underachievers kept it real and stuck to the #realeagle or turkey trails.
Hares : Can You Hear Me Now and Aunty Frank (?) Where : King George School, 2108 10th St. NW Attendance : 20-something (in multiple groups of fewer than 10)
Can You Hear Me Now and Aunty Frank (maybe? Was he even there?) delighted us with a wonderful trail that covered varied terrain. Proving that they are indeed “Old Men” and losing their marbles, the hares forgot to mention that they used flagging, on top of the myriad of chalk marks featured above.
This week marked Snevil’s 800th. She is still quite spry and could easily pass for a hasher in her 400’s. It was noticed that she disappeared on trail, with Daisy Duke AND Roaring Nancy. Whatever were they up to??
Despite CYHMN’s promises of a “no killer run”, the Eagle trail took us on a treacherous urban cliff and had hashers grabbing at shrubbery for dear life. I’m happy to report that everyone survived (which I guess fulfilled the hare’s promise).
There are no reports of anything that went on with the 7pm group, proving the adage: “What happens with the 7-Crew stays with the 7-Crew”.
The next few weeks will have us back to running alone (or in smaller groups). We made the most of it this week, while we still could.
Hares : Camshaft and Mmmm….Ladyfingers Co-Hares : I Killed Kenny and Straddlepuss (Red Deer expats) Where : Mid Sun Community Centre, 50 Midpark Rise SE Attendance : 22 (in multiple groups of fewer than 10)
So, because I didn’t actually run trail, this week’s Scribblings will be a mix of hearsay, lies and other made up sh!t (as opposed to the usual mix of just lies and made up sh!t).
Here is what transpired on trail this week, in no particular order:
the hares used weird “Red Deer” marks, which was very difficult to adjust to, particularly for the folks in the 7pm group who really don’t like change. To them, it was the hash equivalent of speaking in Tongues.
The Po-Po must have been tipped off about suspicious behaviour in the neighbourhood and started circling the 6:30 group. It made King Shit dump his stash of girl guide cookies and actually run, for a change. Turns out the Fuzz was after a group of much more dangerous kids on skateboards.
Lying Sack of Sh¡t was once again seen going into a bush to do some shady business. It appears that this is a weekly occurrence.
Hare I Killed Kenny, despite setting trail just 4 hours prior to the run, was very cumfused and couldn’t remember which way was what. It didn’t help that the marks were very parsimoniously placed. Maybe there’s a chalk shortage? I blame Covid.
Regardless, everyone found their way back to the regroup where they each drank their own beer, while being physically distant (and mentally out there).
Hares : Snevil Where : Inn on Officers Garden, 150 Dieppe Dr SW Attendance : 23 (in multiple groups of fewer than 10)
She who sucks no Evil (a.k.a Snevil) set a most head spinning trail. We did feel bad for her that she had to set it in pretty horrific weather (compared to Saturday’s patio weather), but such is the life of a Calgary hasher.
No worries though: she got her revenge by circle-jerking us to death.The 6:30 crew got so delirious that we lost true trail shortly after that and started wandering aimlessly through Rutland Park. We did eventually find our way back to the beer.
This was never a problem for King Shit and Sticky Lips, who stumbled upon Wild Rose Brewery immediately at the start of their “walking trail”. King Shit claims to have followed the arrows.