2255 – Pyro’s Death March

Hares: Pyro
Where: 2202 Crowfoot Parade Parking , Calgary, AB
RA: Skoob
Attendance: 20

The run title may be a wee bit dramatic (a King Shit creation?). A few years ago, the mere mention of Pyro haring would have the more recalcitrant runners stay home for the night. But Pyro has gone soft in his old age, and tends to no longer set the ballbusters of yore. (I am pre-scribing here, so this may come back to bite me in the arse. Time will tell.)

Actually, it’s time for me to get ready. I’ll be back after trail…

[insert on-hold Muzak here]

Well, it’s been confirmed that Pyro likes his trails non-Abu Dhabi and 360º checks. Trail wasn’t particularly long but we’ll cut him some slack as it was his birthday, so he probably had better things to do.

We had two milestones today: Abandoned Pussy is 400 trails old and On-In ran his 800th tonight. AP refused her half yard down down on account of being “responsible” and not wanting to “DUI” but On-In gladly attempted the challenge of downing his half yard in… over 5 minutes. To be fair, the beer was very cold and even a regular down down was hard to swallow (that’s what she said).

Mucky pulled a Dastardly and ran her own trail (after she lost the rest of the pack).

Hardly and Twisty brought some snacks, and there’s nothing better tasting that free snacks. Thanks!

On On!
PMS

2254 – Grey Cup Run

Hares: Dastardly and Hardly
Where: Joyce on 4th, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance:15

This was another exceptional(ly slippery) trail by the hash’s most experienced hares. The pack was advised to bring their strap-ons (crampons) but some chose to do things their own way: Skewb needs no strap-ons when he’s got his equipment (little pricks) on his person (which he screwed on himself) and Snow Blower chose to freestyle it on his summer runners. Apart from one near-miss, he managed to stay vertical all trail long.

Because they didn’t have the entertainment of slipping on ice, walkers regaled themselves with tales of public wankers.

Down Down were held at regroup and Daisy and Blue Balls lead the choir (but did they though?).

All in all, it was a successful afternoon and as Slippy commented, it was nice to be able to see marks again!

ON ON!
PMS

2253 – Choose your own adventure run

Hares: Tighty Whitey
Where: Bebo Grove, Fish Creek Park, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26

TW set a trail in the style of the “Choose your own adventure” books of our youths. This made for an exciting if not confusing run, where people got lost and wished they had picked differently.

Here are the notes shared by the RA:

  • Choir: King Shit and Skoob
  • We had a Visitor straight from Germany
  • Strap On Cramp On went missing on trail. This is due to the fact that she trusted her infallible inner compass. Because Liquor Lots doesn’t know any better, she opted to follow Strap-On and they both managed to finish DFL.
  • Lying Sack of Shit and many walkers did not see the pieces of flagging and beer hidden behind the park bench. And they call themselves hashers??
  • Dastardly filled in for missing Beer Wenches – where are they?

On On!
PMS

2252 – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenies Run

Hares: Daisy Duke and Master Router
Where: Aforza, Calgary, AB
On-In: Wild Rose Brewery, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 8

This was definitely the coldest run in a looooong time, and this – apparently – made hashers’ weenies shrink!

Only 8 hashers showed up for trail this week as it looks we have a lot of fair weather hashers in our midst! The only hasher that was completely unfazed by the weather is Vinnie (aka “On the Piss”), King Shit’s Malamute.

On On!
PMS

2251 – Hallowe’en Howl

Hares: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft
Where: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s shack, Calgary, AB
On In: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s shack, Calgary, AB
RA: Dastardly
Attendance: 20

On the eve of all saints’ day, CH3’s ho-liest duo opened their back door wide and let the whole pack in.

From the dungeon in the hosts’ love nest
To the master bedroom where the sex swing rests
The hashers all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from Cam’s electrodes

They did the monster hash
(The monster hash) There was a backyard smash
(They did the hash) Some even caught a rash
(They did the hash) They did the monster hash

On On!
PMS

2250 – Itty Bitty Titties

Hares: Slippy Thong & PMS
Where: Fish Creek – Votier’s Flats, Calgary, AB
On In: Local 403, Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 18

This trail is the event that everyone has been waiting for. Last year, the Itty Bitty Titty Committee went bust, in view of the fact that (t)its membership was 33-66% lower. With PMS gone and Snevil in the UK for long stretches of time, Slippy didn’t have the motivation to set an IBT run by herself. Don’t knock’er though, that would be udderly unfair.

In mammary of good times past, we chose to rack our brains and found the pairfect location for this latest installment of the Itty Bitty Titty Run: Votier’s Flats. This probably was our breast effort to date!

Accurate representation of Monday’s elevation gain. Funnily, all IBT Runs have the same elevation gain…

At circle, the pack was fed delicious Fried Egg Gummy candies and enjoyed our cans at the end of the run. Down downs were held outside on the parking lot and after that, hashers went to Local 403 for extra jugs. Luckily, Skewbic Hair didn’t overdo it. Or diddy?

Tatas for now!
PMS

2249 – Hump’er Lots

Hares: Hump the Shark and Liquor Lots
Where: Liquor Lots’s Loft
On In: Born Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: ??
Attendance: 26

First, before we go any further, let’s settle a debate. You may have noticed some discrepant spellings for our new Hash Mattress between the hareline and the scribblings. To be clear, LL herself says that her name is LIQUOR Lots (not Lick’er Lots). Let us not be too literal, King Shit or Skewbie.

For the first time, our new Hash master and mattress came together for their pleasure and ours. In the spirit of pre-Hallowe’en, they took us through or near a total of four cemeteries.

Tonight’s run was proof that hashing just ain’t for everybody. Our virgin vowed never to come back because she “didn’t like it”. Wow, don’t hold back!!

So if you’re thinking about giving hashing a go, you might want to reconsider if:
– you don’t drink and are only looking to get in “the orange zone” in between your HIIT and P90X sesh’s. (For us, “the orange zone” is the inside of a bag of Cheezies)
– you can’t tolerate profanity and are easily offended
– you can’t handle poor singing and loud people

You should consider hashing if:
– you don’t take yourself too seriously
– you want to get a decent run in (roughly 5-6k). Or not. Whatevz.
– your inner child is screaming to be let out
– you want to meet some cool people and socialize over beers/drinks.

On On!
PMS

2248 – Thanksgiving Day Afternoon Run

Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister
Where: The Hares’ House, Beermuda Way NE, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 27

Hardly and Twisty, on Thanksgiving Day
We lift our cups to you and say:
We give you thanks for all you’ve done
Especially for the gift of run
For beauty in nature, which we hashed through
For suds and shiggy, and orange food too
For being hosts and hares extraordinaire
These are the blessings you graciously share.
So today we offer this poem of praise
And we’ll drink in your honour until we’re in a daze.

Indeed, we have lots to be thankful for: a s.t.u.n.n.i.n.g trail, beautiful weather, a fantastic group of hashers, and a veritable feast.

On On
PMS

2247 – Yummy Kippers Erections

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Elite Brewing and Cidery, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 25

Everybody loves erections night! Everybody loves Yummy Kippers! In a confluence of all things good, the Hash Gods joined them both in one spectacular night of new mismanagement and goldfish crackers.

Every year, around the 10th of Tishrei, Twisted Sister and Hardly offer us a “Yummy Kippers” Holy Day Run. The celebration includes:
· wearing old non-leather shoes (i.e. runners)
· pilgrimage through the streets of Calgary
· eating (goldfish crackers) and drinking (beer).

Concurrently, new mismanagement was sworn in. Your new mismanagement is:

Hashmaster(s) – Hump the Shark & Liquor Lots
Jointmaster – ]Booty Camp
Sexitary – King Shit
Under The Influencer – Nev-R-bin …
RA Coordinator – On-In
Haberdasher – Daisy Duke
Awardinator – Daisy Duke
Beer Meister – Dastardly
Beer Wench – Just10Beaver & SnowBlower
Hash Cash – Slippy Thong, Hot Cheeks, Mmm… Ladyfingers, Strap-on
Übergeek – Nev-R-Bin
Üntergeek – Skewbic Hair & Snevil, Sucks Everything, AP, Hardly
Hash Horn – Daisy Duke
Scribe – Princess Monkey Spanker

the OG fishy trail shirt (2010)

On On!
PMS

2246 – Truth and Reconciliation Run

Hares: Nev-R-Bin haring two trail in a month
Where: Bowness Pub NW, Calgary, AB
RA: ?
Attendance: 28

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.
Land Acknowledgement | Calgary Foundation

Every Monday we come out and play on this beautiful land we are lucky to share with all the people – Indigenous and non – who also love, honour and celebrate it.

This week, we enjoyed playing near Bowness, a jewel in and of itself in Calgary. Nev-R-Bin gifted us with an 8K beauty.

A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers