Run, Run

2306 – T&R Orange Shirt Run

October 3, 2023 The Scribe

Hares: Hump the Shark
Where: Courtyard Pub, Calgary, AB

RA: Booty Camp
Attendance: 26

The Story

A fine trail was delivered by Hump the Shark to entertain the hash. In the spirit of Truth and Reconciliation, the runners were encouraged to wear something orange.

The group formed in the North East of Crescent Heights neighbourhood, at the Fiddlers Courtyard, after hunting for appropriate parking. The circle formed and the new Hashmatress, PMS, took charge.

PMS is the New Hash Mattress, supported by On-In… The new regime!

Good attendance and we had a new boot! Rowena, who has connections through the secret ski club, courtesy of Hot Cheeks.

Hump the Shark described the marks for the run, indicating that there were three T&R features to find. The pack muddled off and eventually found the trail, through the Crescent Heights with great views of the city.

PMS sees something going on in that apartment!

Hum the Shark — Waiting for Hashers to find his trail…

We eventually found the trail that lead us through the neighbourhood, which did have some elevation changes. The problem with downhill is there is usually a corresponding uphill. The Reconciliation Bridge was traversed over to the south side of the Bow River.

East Village and Fort Calgary were explored. The new site for the T&R park was observed at the confluence of the Bow and Elbow rivers!

As darkness settled in, the run continued back over the Bow River to the North Side. Much random trail tracking, with the requisite “false trail” at the top of the stairs in Bridgeland.

Thankfully, for those that ran the alternate trail, the regroup was found without having to give up the elevation achieved from the stair workout. Much mirth and merriment was had for those that were present. Apparently, our new boot was not aware of the regroup, and headed back to the bar. She was educated and made it back for the fun and refreshments!

Finally, back to the bar, refreshments and food were obtained, and the down down’s commenced through the fine work of our RA, Booty Camp. The new boot was acknowledged, Hung Loose finally made 100 runs, and any many transgressions were rewarded with a beverage and a song. Here is a collage of some of the misgivings…..

Of note, is that this date was the wedding anniversary of some hashers who felt it was important to support the club and drink beer on there special day! 24 years of marital bliss….

Skewbic Hair and Mucky Dip celebrating in style…

On-On

Your scribe, Skewbic Hair!

Erections, Run

2305 – Yummy Kippers Run

September 25, 2023 PMS

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Moose McGuire Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: On In!
Attendance: 27

Every year Twister Sister and Hardly set their own version of a Yom Kippur run. Yummy Kippers is observed for a 2.5-hour period, beginning at 7pm. Goldfish crackers are holy food for this event.

It sometimes coincides with erection night which is the appointment of the new mismanagement for the coming year. This year was such a year and we celebrated the holy day of Yummy Kippers as well as the new mismanagement.

This year saw the cumming of at least one new mismanager: Lazy Cummer will have to cum more regularly to fulfill his hash cash duties. By his own admission, he’s a “fair weather hasher”. Well, hash cash happens in all weathers so, he’d better get ready to face blizzards and all.

Other (re)appointments included:
· Skewbic Hair graciously took on the role of scribbler (thank you!).
· Daisy Duke, King Shit, Dastardly and Booty Camp kept their roles of Haberdasher/Awardinator, Sexetary/Übergeek, BeerMeister and Joint Master, respectively.
· Liquor Lots and Hump the Shark stepped down from Hash Masters and are taking the roles of Beer Wench and RA Coordinator.
· On In and PMS will be your new fearless leaders
· Hash Cash will be handled by: Strap On, Slippy Thong, Lazy Cummer, Hot Cheeks (by PMS ordinance) and… someone else?

Tonight’s trail saw Hung Loose running faster than ever when he saw a young thing running in a bra, ahead of him (until he realised that she was likely younger than his daughter and that it was a little creepy).

We had yet another visitor from Lagos, Nigeria (their Hash is very active indeed!): Toothless Head (Head? Who said head?) joined us for tonight.

Trail was – according to the hares – the Best Trail EVER. It was fun, though the lack of circle jerk was a little bit of a let down.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 383773619_10167938763025384_7373708242803612040_n-1024x768.jpg — Typical Liquor Lots: she lying there with her legs out, while the guy does all the work!

For shits and giggles, I asked ChatGPT to type me a farewell message, as it’s my last scribbing before Skewbic Hair takes over. Here is what it came up with (keeping in mind that I asked for “a SHORT message”… Fucking ChattyGPT):

As I bid adieu to this chapter of my [scribbling] journey, I wanted to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you for being a part of my world, for taking the time to read my [scribbles], and for your unwavering support [?!].

It’s time for me to pass the torch to [Skewb] who will be taking over [my scribbling duties]. I wish [him] all the best on [his] exciting journey ahead. May [he] continue to inspire, educate, and entertain you just as I have tried to do. [!!]

Remember, the world of [scribbling] is a beautiful tapestry woven with the words, thoughts, and stories of countless [hashers]. I hope you’ll embrace the fresh perspective and insights that [Skewb] brings.

Thank you once again for being a wonderful part of my [scribbling] adventure. Farewell for now, and may your days be filled with inspiration and discovery.

With warmest regards,

(fucking scary, right???)

PMS
On On!

Run, Special Event

2300 – White Dress Run

September 23, 2023 PMS

Hares: Hot Quicky and Slow Clap
Where: Inglewood, Calgary, AB
RA: Hump the Shark
Attendance: 18

The Calgary Hash saved itself for run 2300 (it went straight from 2299 to 2301, in past weeks). This is why it was able to wear white for this special event. Our hares organized a fantastic pub crawl/trail that took us through Inglewood, the Beltline, Stephen Ave, the East Village and back to Inglewood. We had many beer station on route, to keep our fluid levels up. Trail was – after all – nearly 12k long… On trail we saw three separate weddings and even managed to be featured in one of the newlyweds’ official photoshoot.

They’re so good at finding check backs that they found an old one from weeks ago.

Trail was expertly set in such a way that runners and walkers came together at the exact same time at nearly every regroup.

We had a solid contingent of noobs, some walkers and some runners. Newbie Nicole proudly announced that the white runners she was sporting were fresh out of the box that morning. Tsk tsk tsk (though the fault is all Hot Quickie’s, as she should have shared Hashing Faux-Pas 101 with her guests.

At least the virgins were all (appropriately) wearing white dresses, which is more than can be said of Dastardly. We’ll forgive him as he made all the jell-O shots and drove the beer station wagon around.

Cock Tale was unanimously voted fairest of them all, with the prettiest dress.

Hump kindly gave PMS his dirty monkey to spank.

The RA picked three highly inexperienced chorists for today’s choir

If you weren’t there because you had “better things to do”, it was your loss. You missed an epic run. If you weren’t there because you had Covid, we missed you (but don’t worry, your husband was loud for the both of you).

On On!
PMS (This scribe needs a break from scribing. Please come forth and take this on 🙂 )

Run

2304 – Daisy Duke’s Dilatory Delight

September 18, 2023 PMS

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Bella Roma Pizza, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 26

Daisy kindly offered to hare tonight’s trail when no one else had stepped up. No details of this trail surfaced until the 11th hour. It turns out it had slipped Daisy’s mind, twice.

The hare did mark his trail on Sunday evening but he ended up having to live hare anyway, as his marked trail got washed away by the last minute downpour.

Trail was lovely. Daisy took us in and out of leafy back alleys. Towards the end, the pack intersected the beginning of the trail and – following the call of beer – completely by-passed the last kilometer.

Archive Rag Head came out of the wood work and brought his whole family with him. Hasher “Not Ready” is clearly “not ready” to hash regularly but he showed up tonight and brought a Sex Convict with him. Sex Convict is – if I remember correctly – visiting from… Lagos, Nigeria?

On On!
PMS

Rocky Mountain Hash

Rocky Mountain #121 – Mount & Hump the Shark

September 16, 2023 PMS

Hare: Hump the Shark
Where: Mount Shark Parking Lot, Kananaskis, AB
RA: Tighty Whitey
Attendance: 12

Yes the location was faaaaar but NOT remote, Shark argues. He’ll show us remote!! (Is that a threat?)

The SharkMeister made us travel 2 and a half hours out of Calgary, risk our lives on gravel roads and eat dust for 35 minutes, but the destination was well worth the long journey.

Trail was a floofy cloud of green moss, interspersed with gurgling brooks and stunning lake views.

Some sexual offenses happened on trail.
· Supposedly Slippy and Lying Sack of Shit disappeared behind trees for some “bush play”. This is just hearsay though.
· Maple shared his fluids with Liquor Lots, and there is photographic evidence of her sucking on his thingy.

Post trail, Shark delivered – again! – and served us freshly barbecued burgers with all the trimmings, including not one but two types of home made pickles. Here are two harriettes opening wide for Shark’s meat:

On On!
PMS

Run

2303 – 9/11 memorial run

September 11, 2023 PMS

Hares: Tighty Whitey
Where: Ogden Boat Launch SE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Ogden Whistle Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: Professor On In
Attendance: 26

[A moment of silence in the memory of those who lost or gave their lives during the 9/11 terrorist attacks, 22 years ago.]

Tighty Whitey regaled us with a wonderfully challenging trail, full of ups and downs, and long check backs that the asshole set On. His. Bike. He claims that it’s not against the rules, but we would ascertain that it is most definitely a “faux pas”, quite literally. (If you do not speak French, “faux pas” means “wrong step”).

To save both time and chalk, the hare made sure only to get off his bike to mark trail every 500 meters or so.

Here is one of the three marks that TW put down for his 7k trail.

New year new rules: in a last ditch effort to assert themselves as upper mismanagement, it was decided at the last meeting that between September and April, down downs would be held inside, at a bar.

Rules are rules, so after the run on Monday, despite unseasonably warm temperatures, some of the group went to the local dive bar for down downs.

Erections are coming soon. The position of scribbler is up for grabs! Claim it before someone else does!

On On!
PMS

Run, Special Event

2302 – HHHHike… Rogers Passsout

September 9, 2023 PMS

Hares: King Shit, et Mr Peeeeeenut
Where: A.O. Wheeler Hut, Glacier National Park
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 14 (including muggles/visitors)

No images have surfaced for this special event.

The trail wove through the demolished foundations of a gand old CP hotel and into the woods to a “meeting of the waters” (whatever that means). A live-but-well-rested hare (Mr Peeeeeeenut) waited in a Muskoka chair with liquid treasures for the hashers to enjoy.

Cock Tale has reported another hasher exposing themself (full back, not full frontal).

Run

2301 – The Labour Day Tool Shed

September 4, 2023 PMS

Hares: Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Tool Shed Brewing Co, Calgary, AB
RA: On In?
Attendance: 24

From this run forward, no hasher shall wear white (except for this upcoming event)

Live Hare, Run

2299 – Heroes & Villains Live Hare Gong Show

August 28, 2023 PMS

Hares: Qweft-BG & Liquor Lots
Where: LIQUOR Lots’s Lot, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 27

Today’s hare was “the man with 6 names“. On top of his civilian name, he goes by “Queer Eye for the Brown Guy”, “Qweft-BG”, “Queef”, “Funny Guy” (A Can Crusher exclusive), and “Liquor Lots’s piece of ass”. For obvious practical purposes, I will stick to Queef.

Queef doesn’t often (or ever) hare in Calgary, but when he does, he makes sure it’s a live hare, in an area he barely knows. (Live haring allowed for more time in bed with Liquor Lots). The deed was done “T2 Style” (Edmonton True Trail style): fast and furious. There were boobs checks, dick checks, some getting wet, much trying to find your way around and someone definitely finished first.

King Shit finished dead fucking last and got assistance from a much younger harriette to get him back up at the end.

Regroup and down downs were held in LL’s back lot where Dastardly celebrated his birthday and provided us with delicious iced treats.

Despite a most lovely trail, some people opted out of running/walking and chose to … bash!! (Gasp!) Lots and lots of excuses:
– Dark Side of the Moon’s excuse was that he was too far away to make it on time.
– AP’s excuse was (what else?) RUGBY
– PMS (yours truly) offered no excuse, but you better be sure that it was a good one.

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
Batman!

On On!
PMS

Run

2298 – Northern Exposure

August 21, 2023 PMS

Hares: Pyro
Where: Home Depot Parking lot, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 20

Another Pyro Special. Here are the hash mattress’s tales from trail:

2 archives (or were they visitors? [note from the scribe: archives!]) and a new boot (Chad, Pyro’s neighbour and also an frb/racist*).
Dastardly had his 1100th run and downed a large drink of beergarita.
Great trail. Tons of ups, tons of downs, lots of near misses (aka tripping and allllmost falling on our faces.

Photos (also from the hash mattress):