A numbered hash run
Hares: Dastardly & Roaring Nancy
Where: Max Bell Centre, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 24
Mum’s the word on this run. I have to rely on Mmmmmh Ladyfingers photos and comments (and Karate Klit’s photos (minus the half a dozen tongue-sticking selfies)).
Looks like trail included:
– an Edmonton visitor (Eager Peevert)
– returning newbies
– a new boot (Trevor)
– a survivalist’s mobile home displaying some Hash appropriate words of wizz-dumb
On On!
PMS
Hares: Cam Shaft and Stool Stuffer
Where: The Rinaldi Estate, CNP, AB
RA: AP?
Attendance: a bunch o’people
This year again, Boss Hog (Hot Cheeks Sr) allowed us rowdy group to squat at his property for a weekend of merriment (debauchery?) and hashing (athleticism?), in that order.
The hares and some devoted hashers went ahead and scouted trail. They made sure to test the quality of the beer in the area. It seems to have met expectations.
Some Edmontonians kindly joined our festivities, and happily took part in the shot ski, the “ice bucket challenge”, and the sleeve too. A “Cone of Shame” is featured in photos but it appears that our guests did not do anything shameful enough to warrant that kind of punishment.
The ice bucket (or whatever it is called) was a treat for the eyes (in some cases):
Only one individual did something so worthy of reprimand that they were awarded a down down with the Sleeve *and* the Cone of Shame.
Special mention to Hardly, who is clearly the *master* sleeve-drinker [insert cup-drop]
Trail must have been beautiful, judging by the photos.
Fun was had by all:
I take that back:
And Skewb decided to bring sexy back:
On On!
PMS
Hares: Skewbic Hair
Where: South Glenmore Park, Calgary, AB
RA: Roaring Nancy (by the looks of it)
Attendance: 24
It was a chilly one this Monday night. The weather (and Roaring Nancy’s incessant talking) didn’t deter last week’s visitor Keep on Pumping who came back for seconds and even brought someone with him! It is said that “Not Ready” (left) is a hasher who lives in Calgary! Yet we’ve never managed to make him come. He was just Not Ready. Will he come again?
In a nutshell, here are some other things that happened tonight:
Hardly got lost? Or something to that effect. Anyway, we were reminded NOT to follow Hardly.
Hump The Shark got awarded “Best Dressed” (!)
Pull My Woody celebrated his 300th run.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Can Crusher (with probable help from mom AP)
Where: Can Crusher’s Crib, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 18
We had virgins,
And vi-si-tors
At our hash,
At our hash
Had to get them drunked up
Had to get them drunked up
Down the hatch
Down the hatch
This is what our hash mattress told me anyway, not being present myself. Liquor Lots: “We had 5 visitors/new boots today! 2 from Lagos, Nigeria, and their daughter and her spouse who live in Auburn Bay. And one from Barbados. They were all awesome.”
I’m going to take a wild guess as to who was who.
To finish off on a high, here’s a picture posted by Maple, dating back to the 20th century. Regrettably, the most interesting bits have been censored.
On On!
PMS
Hares: “Special Guest Hares”
Where: Big Al’s Bar & Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 18 (16 + two ½ pints)
Oh Can of Beer
I hold within my hand
Tall, slim and cold
Beloved throughout Hashland
With foaming heads
We see thee rise
Ales, Lagers, Draughts and Stouts
From locals to imported brews
We cannot do without
Hares keep our beers
Smooth, chilled and cheap
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee!
On this Canada Day, Hardly came up with a wonderful idea. The “Special Guest hares” were none other than us! This was a pick-up hash were one volunteer live hares the beginning of trail. If (when) he/she gets “caught”, the catcher becomes the hare and so on.
Despite tropical temperatures, we managed to run close to 6k. Dastardly kindly brought jello shots and ice creams for the regroup, as well as his legendary Beergarita and warm mystery swill!
· Maple – for once – was able to stay for down downs and he got a down down for his 434th run (in lieu of all the milestone runs he didn’t stick around to get his down down for). It suggested (by me) that he get the 400th run award right after PMS (me) gets it, so that she (I) doesn’t have to store it in her (my) condo.
· Rashy Bush was noted for her excellent fashion sense in sporting a “French Run” shirt. It’s the little black dress of running shirts; it works for every occasion, if I say so moi-même.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Ms Cheeks (Hot) and Ms Pussy (Abandoned)
Hare in absentia: Ms Spanker (involved in no way, shape or form)
Where: Bebo Grove, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 28! A full class
Attendance declines towards the end of the school year and this is true for teachers also; PMS (yours truly) is missing this whole last week (and was therefore also absent at this momentous yearly event).
Luckily Hot Cheeks and AP picked up the slack and hared a short but action-packed trail. They designed a test of people’s ability to cross water and offered no accommodation for vertically challenged people. This resulted in varied impact on the tall and the short.
A new onesie (of shame?) appeared. I’m assuming it was provided by the hares? Alternatively, it may have been provided by Lying Sack of Shit who was spotted wearing it at the beginning of trail.
So, as of Friday:
We got no class (not that we ever do)
And we got no principals (or principles)
And we got no innocence (not anymore)
On On!
PMS
A: Daisy Duke (the hare)
Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 16
It’s unfortunate that this week’s weather was reminiscent of March weather with its drizzle and single-digit temps. These were not the best conditions to bare your legs and your midriff (in true Daisy Duke fashion). Only 16 hashers showed up and some didn’t even run. There may even have been some “bashers” (Hot*cough*Cheeks).
This allowed for Mucky Dip to be FRB for a while. She’s starting to like the feeling.
Liquor Lots, Slippy Thong and Hot Cheeks were punished for Race-ism as they entered an *actual* race over the weekend. Liquor Lots even proceeded to post about it on the Hash Faceplace Group… If that isn’t a hash-shittable offense, I don’t know what is. Although, in fairness, all the hash shits are sitting in Skoob’s garage so there are none to pass around.
Speaking of FRB… While hashing in New York for their 2000th run, we learned a new acronym: FBI= First Bitch In. ???? Heeeeey, it’s race-ist AND sexist! ????
Roaring Nancy was noted for losing his marbles as he forgot the lyrics to the “S H I T T Y T R A I L” song, even though it is sung – mostly undeservedly – Every. Freaking. Week.
The hare chose his favourite new brewery. It is conveniently located near a barber shop (Omar’s) and a storefront called “Just Barbs” which makes us wonder what it sells. (A quick Google job shows that a missing apostrophe is all it takes to take this place from a hair salon that belongs to Barb to a shop possibly selling barb wire/fish hooks. It is the former.)
Not many tales emanated from this week’s trail, so…
On On!
PMS
Hares: Pyro (the brain) & Insane Bolt (the legs)
Where: Villa D’Esta (12 Mile Coulee), Calgary, AB
On-In: Last Straw Ale House, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 22
The announced hare for tonight was Pyro (by his lonesome). Trail was indeed his brain child, but having injured himself (how??), he hired the services of his son-in-law to actually physically set it. “Insane-the-Sado-Masochist-Bolt” probably went the (literal) extra mile and marked longer check backs than mapped out by Pyro.
Thanks to cleverly marked circle jerks her athleticism, Mucky Dip got to FRB on a couple of occasions.
Unfortunately, the assistant to the hare Insane Bolt sent her off trail (down a check back) which led her to finishing DFL again. Normally she does this all on her own!
Trail was beautiful, with many ups and downs, and regroup at the end had many down downs.
Yet another successful trail for the Calgary Hash House Harriers.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Rotary Park NE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26
Following a desperate post from our Hash Mattress that announced the end of the Hash unless someone stepped up to hare this Monday, two ballsy members came forward and agreed to set trail at the last hour.
From my experience, last minute hares set trails that are (counter intuitively) inversely proportionate in length to the length of the notice they got. Meaning: little notice → long trail. Out of spite. Because that‘ll teach us.
This principle proved true this evening as I my internal GPS clocked tonight’s trail at nearly 9K. (8.87km to be precise. My internal GPS is *very * accurate)
Trail was beautiful; the hare was inspired. Some say he was on *fire*, so much so that he actually set some part of trail on fire and 6 firetrucks had to be called to put it out.
Hung Loose (or “Well Hung” as On-In likes to call him – he must have inside information) resurfaced after months in hiding.
Newly named Covered in Goo came out again, so he wasn’t totally put off by the name.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Dastardly and On-In
Where: Ogden Boat Launch SE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Ogden Whistle Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 25
This scribe loves it when scribblings write themselves (or, more accurately, when hares post long-winded details about the run on Facebook).
<copy> <paste>
[The Ogden Boat Launch is a] newly improved and otherwise pretty much unused parking area highly suitable for after run refreshments.
The planned run [was said to have] two river crossings, [was going to] 8km long and [promised to go] where no hash trail has gone before. [Hashers – self included – got very excited and did not] want to miss out on the excitement and inherent risks of hashing through virgin territory!
The area was relatively small, so to prevent Frops from blowing through a checkback and finding true trail when they were not supposed to, Monday’s trail [apparently had] no checkbacks. It [was supposed to have] instead six Turkey Checks. These [supposedly had] an arrow pointing in the direction of true trail the pack is expected NOT to follow.
For slower runners these checks also [were rumored to have] a number representing how many hundreds of meters of true trail they [could] cut off. This [was supposed to] cut true trail down from 8 km to 5 km.
There [were] no playgrounds on trail but [we were promised] lots of other interesting things and places to look at and wonder about.
<resume Scribe mode>
OK, so this is what was promised. In hindsight, and reading through the lines, maybe it was clear that trail wasn’t going to be traditional shiggy. Instead, we were given solid pavement pounding (with some gravel and train tracks), detritus, nasty smells and VERY confusing and/or invisible markings.
Still, where the hare spoke the truth is that trail was indeed 8k. A horrible, stinky 8k. 😉 I say this with the utmost respect for Dastardly who normally delivers the BEST, most epic trails. Even Dastardly is allowed the occasional fuck up.
The regroup was back at the parking lot and that is where down downs occurred.
T’was Lazy Cummer (who came late)’s birthday.
On On!
PMS
