Category Archives: Run

A numbered hash run

Run

2285 – The Last Minute Trail

Hares: Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Rotary Park NE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26

Following a desperate post from our Hash Mattress that announced the end of the Hash unless someone stepped up to hare this Monday, two ballsy members came forward and agreed to set trail at the last hour.

From my experience, last minute hares set trails that are (counter intuitively) inversely proportionate in length to the length of the notice they got. Meaning: little notice → long trail. Out of spite. Because that‘ll teach us.

This principle proved true this evening as I my internal GPS clocked tonight’s trail at nearly 9K. (8.87km to be precise. My internal GPS is *very * accurate)

Trail was beautiful; the hare was inspired. Some say he was on *fire*, so much so that he actually set some part of trail on fire and 6 firetrucks had to be called to put it out.

Hung Loose (or “Well Hung” as On-In likes to call him – he must have inside information) resurfaced after months in hiding.
Newly named Covered in Goo came out again, so he wasn’t totally put off by the name.

If it’s erect, Hump just *has* to mount it!
That midriff! Those legs!
Don’t tell us what to do!
What a classy guy, that hare!

On On!
PMS

Shitty Trail

2284 – The Run that Hardly Happened (foreboding run name)

Hares: Dastardly and On-In
Where: Ogden Boat Launch SE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Ogden Whistle Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 25

This scribe loves it when scribblings write themselves (or, more accurately, when hares post long-winded details about the run on Facebook).

<copy> <paste>

[The Ogden Boat Launch is a] newly improved and otherwise pretty much unused parking area highly suitable for after run refreshments.

The planned run [was said to have] two river crossings, [was going to] 8km long and [promised to go] where no hash trail has gone before. [Hashers – self included – got very excited and did not] want to miss out on the excitement and inherent risks of hashing through virgin territory!

The area was relatively small, so to prevent Frops from blowing through a checkback and finding true trail when they were not supposed to, Monday’s trail [apparently had] no checkbacks. It [was supposed to have] instead six Turkey Checks. These [supposedly had] an arrow pointing in the direction of true trail the pack is expected NOT to follow.

For slower runners these checks also [were rumored to have] a number representing how many hundreds of meters of true trail they [could] cut off. This [was supposed to] cut true trail down from 8 km to 5 km.

There [were] no playgrounds on trail but [we were promised] lots of other interesting things and places to look at and wonder about.

<resume Scribe mode>

OK, so this is what was promised. In hindsight, and reading through the lines, maybe it was clear that trail wasn’t going to be traditional shiggy. Instead, we were given solid pavement pounding (with some gravel and train tracks), detritus, nasty smells and VERY confusing and/or invisible markings.

Is it a check? Is it On? wHO knows?
Running from the CP Police
DDDD: Dumpster Diving Daisy Duke

Still, where the hare spoke the truth is that trail was indeed 8k. A horrible, stinky 8k. 😉 I say this with the utmost respect for Dastardly who normally delivers the BEST, most epic trails. Even Dastardly is allowed the occasional fuck up.

The regroup was back at the parking lot and that is where down downs occurred.

T’was Lazy Cummer (who came late)’s birthday.

On On!
PMS

Run, Special Event

2283 – 83-23: 40th Anniversary Run

Hares: Hardly, Twisted Sister
Guest Hare: Hash Test Dummy
(yes, that’s right Hash Test. I too am splitting hares)
Where: 2716 16 St SE Calgary, AB
On-In: Cold Garden Brewing, Calgary, AB
What: Run starting from the run #1 starting point,
followed by a picnic and libations.
RA: On In/Dastardly
Attendance: 41

40 years ago, a couple of accountants changed the face of the Calgary r*nning and drinking scene by starting their own chapter of the Hash House Harriers. Here we are, 2282 runs later, celebrating 4 decades of uninterrupted weekly Monday night trails.

The CH3 was founded by Mike “Oombala” Carr and other accountants, mainly from Clarkson Gordon (now Ernst & Young). “Oombala” got his Hash “training” in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Their first run was on May 30, 1983; starting from The Portuguese Society of Calgary, 2716 – 16th Street S.E., Calgary. There were 15 people at Calgary’s first run and the Hares were Mike Carr and Mike Manderson. Mike Carr now lives (but no longer Hashes) in Houston, Texas. Mike Manderson lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and also no longer Hashes. Stuart “On-In” Crichton is the only hasher left who was at the first run

Today, the hares made us start from the original starting point of run #1. They took us around Ramsay/Inglewood, through grassy patches riddled by gophers. Trail was under 5K and ended near Pearce Estate Park. Unfortunately, Dastardly dropped the balls and forgot to bring the beers to the regroup!

The Hash Gods blessed us with great sunny weather and kindly waited until the end of the picnic to start the drizzling.

Around 40 hashers gathered for this special anniversary run, including two last minute visitors who normally hash in Australia. They are experienced hashers and commented that despite having hashed 5 continents, this was their first time penetrating a gopher hole. Other visitors include Dark Side of the Moon and Bubble Boy from Edmonton. Archives were Krusty, Whale Wanker and Coq Titty.

the Hares
Look at those shirts!

Visitors:

Dark Side and Bubble Boy (Edmonton)
Dingo Berry and Pussy Willow (Sydney?)

On On!
PMS

Run

2282 – May Tutu Tutu Ate Too

Hares: Camshaft & Mmm…Ladyfingers!
Where: Bowmont Dog Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Mmmmmh Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s Abode, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 26

‘Twas a special run, run 2282. Not only was it on Victoria Day, which happened to fall on a 22 (tutu), but it was also MLFBD Eve (the eve of Mmmmmh Lady Finger’s Birthday).

Cam Shaft was resolved to give us the B.E.S.T and longest of trails but Mother Nature had other plans. The torrential downpour cut the trail-setting short and washed off some of the markings.

Nonetheless, what the hares did manage to set was absolutely glorious. And Mother Nature blessed us with the most beautiful weather as we ran trail. Regroup was cut short by the return of the rain but we all met in the hares’ garage for down downs and burgers.

VP? What V?
Happy Birthday FUCK YOU
Someone wants to start a “sitting hash”.

On On!
PMS

Run

2281 – Happy Birthday, F*uck you!

Hares: Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks, Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Royal Sunalta Park SW, Calgary, AB
Original On-In: Two House Brewing SW, Calgary, AB
New updated On-In: Tailgunner Brewing, Calgary, AB


Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks celebrated in style by setting trail with the Boo-Blow, the hash’s sexiest couple.

Luckily, trail happened the night before the big smoke cloud engulfed Calgary and we were still able to run rather unimpeded, save for the stifling heat. True trail was supposedly 5.7k but some hashers ran over a kilometer worth of check backs! (You’re welcome! 😉

The original On-In location had to be adjusted due to mechanical failure on site. Birthday revelers ended up cumming together at Tailgunner Brewing to celebrate’s Hot Cheeks 35th birthday.

Hot Cheeks really wanted to be in the picture. You win!
The Steve Sandwich
Spread ’em! (those wings)

On On!
PMS

Run

2280 – It’s about to get Slippy

Hares: Slippy Thong (and Lying Sack of Shit)
Where: 403 Local, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 18
RA: On In

Unfortunately for Slippy, her chalk-marked trail got completely washed away by that afternoon’s torrential downpour. Luckily, her knight in a shitty sack volunteered to reset the trail as “deferred live hare” (meaning he didn’t quite “live hare” it, but re-marked it with a 20 minutes head start).

The hares promised shiggy and they gave us some mud, a (premature for the season) river crossing and a guard goose!

The rest of the trail was equally lovely:

On On!
PMS

Run

2279 – No More School, No More Books, No More Teachers’ Dirty Looks

Hare: OPP and Liquor Lots
Where: Moose McGuire Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 29

So this run was an attempt to hijack the yearly “School’s Out for Summer” run (hared by CH3’s best teachers). (That’s right, that’s us giving you a dirty look, OPP!)
OPP, however, in an interesting twist, offered the same concept but from a student’s perspective. No one really knows what schooling she finished. She just wants to forget it all.

The hares

OPP and Liquor Lots paired up – again! – to give us the hottest run of the year (literally *and* figuratively)! Because school’s out (for OPP), she was running low on chalk and marks were few and far between. Still we managed to find our way, mostly thanks to Hardly’s Spidey-Senses.

Hares, rather than do a proper sweep (as a good hare should do…) were caught short cutting and sitting on the grass on a couple of occasions.

Liquor Lots and (not a hare) Rashy Bush

Speaking of Hardly: at one point, it was noted that Hardly was just *too big* and couldn’t fit (that’s what she said).

We had a New Boot: Felipe* who was recruited by Just 10 Beaver, Hot Cheeks and Slippy Thong? Those three apparently attend another weekly running/drinking event (with cooler, younger and more attractive attendees?). We’re hoping not to have turned Felipe off.

After the run, choir was held by CYHMN and Hardly (him again!) who had brought his good book of hymns.

Down Downs included:

  • King Shit’s milestone run: 1600 runs! This legend drank his full yard of beer without hesitation or pause and without a single droplet ending anywhere else but his belly. Props!
  • Stool Stuffer and Slippy Thongs were punished for their arrogance in thinking they could get away with wearing new footwear to a hash.

On On
PMS

*Felipe was originally erroneously referred to as “Enrique”. This scribe’s brain mixed up her new Mexican neighbour, “Enrique”, with our New Boot “Felipe”. Apoligies to our New Boot.

Run, Special Event

2278 – Lay’em Memorial Run

Hare: Dastardly
Where: Cat ‘n Fiddle, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 50!

For this important and momentous event, our hare changed the rules a bit.

This week, trail was no secret. We were aiming for Lem’s house(s) via Queen’s Park Cemetery. Dastardly promised us a long one.

Only a few check backs were set on this special run to allow for extra running/ beer credits (the official exchange rate is 1 mile = 1 beer).

We had an amazing turnout of hashers and plenty of muggles too. People came from far and wide to commemorate our dearest Lem. Whale Wanker came from Lethbridge, Lost in Space from the Hat and Tommy TwoFinger came all the way from Coronation! Flash Pants came from Montreal, although it is said she was in town on business.

The walkers in front of Lem’s last project.

Run started promptly at 7pm too allow for everyone to be back in time for the live entertainment at the bar.

Tim Huss

A slideshow was put together with 293 photos of Lem! Here are 9 of the best:

Lem the handsome hasher
Lem the skier
Lem the dog lover
Lem the Green Thumb
Lem the Folk Fest volunteer
Lem the croqueteer
Lem the beer aficionado
Lem the orange food group connoisseur
Lem the overall good time
Run

2277 – End of an Era

Hare: Roaring Nancy
Where: Sandy Beach Park, Calgary, AB T2T 2V8
RA: On In
Attendance: 24

Roaring Nancy titillated our curiosity with this Run name. “What Era? Tell us what’s going on” quoth we last week. He remained tight lipped until the event itself.

It turns out that he is officially exiting the work force at the tender age of 65 (’twas his birthday, too!). Geriatric Roaring Nancy is therefore now in “assisted haring” territory, incapable of covering the distance all by himself. Young Dastardly (our perma-hare) offered his assistance and they both came up with a complicated (and oh-so-funny) new set of marks for this “new age” trail.

  • On-on: R for Retirement
  • Check: Circle with “I” inside – Investing / Investigating
  • Check back: Circle with X and NR inside – Non-Registered / Non-receipt of further marks
  • Playground: CPP – Canada Pension Plan / Children’s Play Place
  • Viewpoint: OAP – Old Age Pensioner / Outdoor Aesthetic Place (This UK term may change before you get there to something more Canadian – OAS – Old Age Security / Outdoor Aesthetic Scene)
  • Turkey Trail – ER – Early Retirement from an unplanned bushwhacking section now part of the official trail only a true hasher will appreciate.
  • Regroup: RRSP or Refreshment Regroup Special Place

Most hashers *did* appreciate the bushwhacking although it is said that many harrierettes ended up with unwanted pricks in various body parts.

Sandy Beach is close to Roaring Nancy’s old house so he unsurprisingly had us run past it.

We also ran though 4 or 5 playground, where everyone played with themselves:

But some of the structures got the best of crossfitter Hot Quickie:

All in all, it was a successful trail.
Happy Birthday FUCK YOU, Roaring Nancy!

On On!
PMS

Best trail ever

2276 – The B·E·S·T trail *ever*

(unbiased, fact-based scribblings)

Hares: PMS and Bah Bah Beer
Where: Edworthy Park South Parking Lot
RA: On In
Attendance: 22

The hares this week undeniably gave us the mother of all trail, the trail of the century, the greatest trail in history! Objectively. The hares included PMS and her delightful offspring Bah Bah Beer, who is undeniably the best, cutest, most special kid ever.

Trail consisted of a mix of trail running and pavement pounding to satisfy all types and it was neither too short nor to long. Some might say it was just right.

The shiggy was a delightful and surprising mix of slush puddles, snow, mud and ice to keep hashers on their toes – or not – as proved by Hot Cheeks:

A couple of hashers felt the need to complain about the danger and adversity they faced whilst on trail. They complained more than the co-hare, who is – in fact – a nine year old child.

Bah Bah Beer on admittedly the most treacherous part of trail

Luckily, the pack was blessed with some of the best weather in recent hash memory so that was a bonus.

Today saw the return of newbie Brae (let’s hope we can make her cum again) and the visit of archives: “expats” Pull My Woodie and Sticky Lips, and busy bee Lof-T Prancer.

Skewbic Hair celebrated his 1050th run, while Hot Cheeks celebrated her 469th. Get a life, you two.

On On!
PMS