(AKA: “AP Sets Trail”)

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Lighthouse Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 27

AP has a thing for shiggy, and both trails start from or near Fish Creek. Alas tonight, AP had us circling the rim and we never got real deep into the Crick.

I wonder if some of the art on trail inspired the shape of her run?

LiQUOR Lots celebrated her 150th and she received her long awaited sharpied red cap that no doubt got thrown in the garbage the second she got home.

On On
PMS

Hare: Slow Clap
Where: Swigs Pub & Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 23

We thought she was gon(orrhoea), but she’s baaack! The Clap is BACK! And on International Viagra Day, no less. Trust Skewb or King Shit to know this anniversary date (the day the FDA approved the use of the little blue pill as an oral medication for erectile dysfunction).

Incidentally, March 27th also happens to be:

🎶 Crop tops on ladies and whisky from Britain 🎶
🎶 Blue little pills and scribblings well-written 🎶
🎶 Blue cheese dressing on suicide wings 🎶
🎶 These are a few of Poo’s favourite things 🎶

For International Viagra Day however, whoever posted the run on the website suggested we all dress in blue to “celebrate” this momentous day. 😑

Three of our own (Daisy, Hardly, Jump the Shark) were caught on camera playing with themselves in a playground area. The shame.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Miss(ing) Daisy Duke, Skewbic Hare and – who else? – Dastardly
Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 28

Technically, Daisy Duke wasn’t missing but as hare, he clearly dropped the ball(s) as he was unavailable to set his own trail!

Trail ended up being the brainchild of – who else? – Dastardly (get a life!), and was aptly executed by Skewbie. They took us through many ice covered back alleys where crampons were a must.

Unfortunately our Texan visitor McPisser was woefully ill-equipped and – in an attempt to stay alive – ended up with the walkers.

The On In was a wonderful new brewery in Haysboro. Five Stars!

On On!
PMS

On an unrelated note, PMS went to Toronto for the TWAT. PMS had a good time with the TWAT. The TWAT was warm and hospitable. Go check out Toronto’s TWAT if you get the chance.

Hares: Just-10 Beaver with “guidance” from Dastardly
Where: The Weaselhead Bar and Grill Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 22

Dastardly always enjoys de”flour”ing nubile young harrierettes and show them the ins and outs of setting trail. In this sense, he’s taken on Pyro’s old job.

Dastardly is a master baiter: he knows exactly how to turn the pack around and take us most unpredictable routes. Hopefully he let Just-10 have a say and she came out of this experience with added expertise.

The hares took us through many playgrounds:

Hash Test Dummy finally resurfaced from down under and kindly brought a little gift back for ball-breaker AP.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Cam Shaft and Mmmmmh Lady Fingers
Where: Dorset Pub and Eatery, Calgary, AB
RA: On In?
Attendance: 16

Our overachieving hares set trail #1 of their week of haring marathon. Cam Shaft treated us to a 5k trail with stretches of pure running (for the athletes in our midst).

The On-In was a British pub with a grocery section that sells British treats and delicacies. It is reported that one harrierette cleaned them out of their bags of Monster Munch.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Strap-On Crampon & Hot Cheeks
Where: Stonegate Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 30 (or is it 15?)

The (short and curly) hares set out to give us a short and curly trail. However, as the first check had us coil around and around the pub, we had already reached one kilometer when we found true trail! In the end, trail was of regular length with just over 5K.

Down Downs were held outside at the request of the hares. Mmmh Ladyfinger received her 200th run prize (complete with misspelled name).

On On!
PMS

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blow ‘er
Where: Citizen Brewing Company, Calgary, AB
RA: Roaring Nancy
Attendance: 21 (including 4 kidlets)

This run was dubbed the “Best 2pm Run of the Week”! If that’s not high praise, I don’t know what is.

Today was a special day: Family Day and a 69er (which, as we know, is the prelude to how some families get started). In that honor, at least one person went down on trail. And back at the bar, there was some licking and fingering involved too, as Skoob wanted to get rid of the evidence.

Archive: Today saw the return of archived Tommy TwoThreefinger. We’re not sure what warranted the name change. We probably don’t want to know.

Regroup: Dastardly brought his usual growlers of Hot Chocolate (you know, for kids!). Because Dastardly knows how to live, he used a whole 3 1/2 scoops of chocky powder AND offered optional Baileys add-on. We have some photographic evidence that some of the kids hit the sauce a little too hard (see below):

Sexual offence: Strap-On Crampon and Booty Camp were caught “air scissoring” at the bar.

On On!
PMS

Hare: King Shit
Where: Cold Garden Brewery, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 21

Our old hare prides himself on being old. From the link he posted on the hash Facebook page, he seems to think that he falls into the category of “handsome and distinguished older gentleman”. 🤔 It begs the question: can one be a hasher AND distinguished at once?

Anyhoo… At circle, King Shit sold us a 4k trail with a few slippery patches towards the end, when in fact we slid through almost 6k of sheer ice.

Trail took us to the top of Scotman’s Hill for a stunning view of downtown, beautifully captured by Skewbic Hair.

Down downs were held at Cold Garden, on their heated patio.

ON ON!

Hares: Oozy Pizzle Panties & Liquor Lots
Where: Garrison Pub & Eatery, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 23

🎶 OPP, how can I explain it
I’ll take you frame by frame it
To have y’all jumpin’ shall we singin’ it
O is for Oozy, P is for Pizzle maybe with a rimple
The last P… well… that’s quite simple
It’s what your call underwear not worn by men.🎶

Circle started off with kind words of remembrance for fellow hasher Lay’em in Snow, who sadly passed last Tuesday after a year-long battle with cancer. We will miss his kindness, positive spirit and wisdom. What a Mensch. On Up, Lem!

Our two harrierettes set a wonderful long(er) trail on this beautiful warm(ish) night. Times are tough and chalk is expensive so marks were few and far between: hares had to guide us through sections of it. Still, it made for a very enjoyable trail through Marda Loop and Sandy Beach, complete with a PG and on-trail smut!

Down Downs were held at the Garrison Pub, directed by RA On In, and songs were led by a S-H-I-T-T-Y C-H-O-I-R, shitty choir (they sucked!), shitty choir (the *really* sucked!). On-In likes his down down beers to be more than a mouthful so beer bitch Just-Ten Beaver, did as she was asked and filled ’em glasses!

On On!
PMS

Hares: Roaring Nancy and Dastardly
Where: Pizza Bob’s, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In.
Attendance: 16

For those who missed yesterday’s run, please note that this pair of hares will *never set trail together again* (best shouted in RoaaRrring Naaancy’s inimitable voice). We’re not sure what caused the discord as trail was quite wonderful: a mix of street and trail running interspersed with idyllic forest-like segments (see for yourself):

One complaint: the name of the run over-promised and under-delivered on the sex (and the polar vortex). Temperatures (see above) were almost mild in fact. It was even mild enough for people to disrobe, which may have upped the sex appeal, but alas, no one did.

Hares gave us many PG’s to play at and the Universe gave Insane Bolt and Hump the Shark an extra toy, which they both rode long and hard.

We ran near the Tom Baker Cancer Centre and had a thought for our fellow Hasher Lay’em In Snow who – we hear – is not doing too well these days. Let’s send him some love. We miss you, buddy. ❤️

On On!
PMS