Hares: Hump the Shark (and Dastardly)
Where: Stonewall Pub, Calgary AB
What: Wear your best Scottish getup
RA: On In
Attendance: 19

In honor of Scotland’s most famous bard, the hash organizes a special trail on (or close to) his birthday on a yearly basis. This year, Hump the Shark (the least Scottish hasher?) volunteered for the job. On-In (the Scottishest hasher) was RA and beguiled us with his own rendition(s) of Rabbie Burns poetry. Even after seeing the printed words, I’m not sure it is any more comprehensible.

Trail was true to Hump’s style: on the longer side at around 8.5km. Feel the Burns! Over achiever “Insane Bolt” is rumoured to have run even more than the hare covered as he set it, with check backs and all (11.5km).

Only a handful of hashers dressed the part, with kilt-clad Hardly being the most Scottish-looking (despite his strong Teutonic roots). Some (including myself, in the name of the “auld alliance“) wore some tartan accessories.

Oan oan!
PMS

Hares: Skewbic Hair, Hump the Shark, Dastardly
Where: Carburn Park, Calgary, AB
On In: The Station Pub and Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: RoaaarrRRring Naaancy
Attendance: 18

In loving mammary of Thunder Tits, Dastardly decided to hare this trail on the anniversary of her passing. And then he did his back in and called upon able-bodied hashers to do the work for him.

The pack met up at Carburn Park and the hares took us on a winding pilgrimage through Thunder Tits’s old stomping grounds. It was foggy and spooky.

Trail was a touch longer than people were comfortable with and only a couple of true athletes completed the “Eagle” trail while most settled for turkeying back to the car park.

A few archives came out for the occasion and we reminisced about the good old days of Thunder Tits.

May you rest in peace, TT.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Snevil
Where: The Dirty Duck, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 14

Who’s a dirty, dirty duck?

Cinderfella was supposed to hare this week’s trail but he must have gotten cold feet and his beautiful wife Snevil ended up doing him a solid and taking this monumental task off his hands.

Snevil is a seasoned pro, so she doesn’t like to set trail in her image (short and sweet).

(this run was 100% named by Daisy Duke himself)

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Heritage Park – Big H Parking Location, Calgary, AB
Where exactly: under the BIG H
RA: (Unsure)
Attendance: 14

By all accounts (and by that I mean by NO ACCOUNTS, because no one mentioned trail on social media), it was the second best trail of the year! Or maybe even the best. It reckon it was THAT good.

Daisy sure knows what he’s doing and that’s why he’s going to be setting most of the trails in 2023. That’s what he said anyway.

Because nothing leaked about this week’s run, let me regale you with the complete list of all the hashers who attended this momentous event. In ALPHABETICAL order, no less:

• Blue Balls
• Daisy Duke
• Hardly
• Insane Bolt
• Just 10 Beaver
• Karate Klit
• King Shit
• Lying Sack of Shit
• On In
• Pyro
• Slippy Thong
• Stool Stuffer
• Suck No Evil (aka Snevil, in which case she’s listed in between Slippy and Stooly)
• Twisted Sister

On On!
PMS

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Brickwell Tap House, Calgary, AB
What: Don’t forget to wear your favourite Boxer Shorts.
RA: On In
Attendance: 19

Temperatures were breaking zero degrees and it was a 2pm affair which means that trail was run in broad daylight! Nice change of pace from the few weeks prior.

The hares warned that it could be a ballbuster run or the second shortest trail of the year. Which was it??

My intelligence (let’s temper this statement: my “intelligence” was King Shit) tells me that it was somewhere in between the two. I quote: ” a good distance, as the weather was warm, but not a ballbuster”. So… average length.

For her own birthday, Slippy Thong, treated the gang to a strip tease of sorts by “slipping” her headband off in a most seductive fashion, “like underwear” (?!).

Snow Blower celebrated his 200th run (jeeeee, get a LIFE!).

On On!
PMS

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Ol’ Beautiful Brewery, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 21
RA: On In (?)

Brrrrrrrr. T’was cold! T’was the “shortest run of the year” on the shortest day of the year.

Frogodile Hunter turned 40 30 today and she chose to celebrate it with the people that really matter.

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Blackbird Public Urban Bar, Calgary, AB
Directions: Drive South until you hit Granum, then turn around and drive about about an hour North.
Attendance: 12
RA: On In

Our Hash Mattress asked, nay, *demanded* that the hare set a lengthier trail (for racist reasons). Being the good and amenable little hasher that she is, AP was more than happy to comply. And we aaaallllll paid the price with an 8k dash.

On top of that, the deep south wasn’t the tropical paradise it promised to be and we were blessed with frigid wind gusts.

Back at the regroup, the RA did down downs outside. AP received her 400th run trophy. This trophy gets passed to hashers when they run their 400th trail. They hold on to it until a next hasher gets to 400 runs. This can take years, which means you get to hang on to this most decorative trophy for a delightfully long time.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Insane Bolt with the help of Dastardly
Where: The Banquet, Calgary, AB
On-In: The Banquet, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 12
RA: Camshaft

12 courageous souls (gluttons for punishment) dared brave the snow, the wind and the cold for one of Insane Bolt’s doozie of a trail. He swears that when he “reckied” it, it was a perfectly pleasant 6k stroll. This is Calgary, so things can shift dramatically in 24 hours. By the time he was setting it (at the last minute), his carefully planned route was covered in ankle-deep, ankle-breaking snow.

Some hashers may have been caught bitching about it (“What has two thumbs and bitched about the terrible running conditions on tonight’s trail? THIS scribe!”)

No photos of the trail surfaced on the interwebz, probably because it was too flipping cold out to stop for pictures!

The regroup was located near a gas fire pit that looked a lot better than it warmed us up.

We celebrated Karate Klit’s 50th run and I managed to snap a photo where she doesn’t make a face. (Turns out, all you have to do is give her something to put in her mouth!)

On On!
PMS

Hares: Suck No Evil
Where: Marda Loop Community Association, Calgary, AB
On-In: Royal Exchange Bankview, Calgary, AB
RA: Snevil, the one woman Hash
Attendance: 26

The Chinook we experienced in the last few week is now over and temperatures are back to well below zero. This makes for particularly slippery sidewalks, rendered even more treacherous by the light dusting of snow that is covering the icy patches.

It’s a good thing that hashers either a) are always prepared or b) have a very high risk tolerance (Safety Third!)

Sneevz (‘O ye, of little faith’) was expecting a pack of 8 hashers (or an “8-pack”), but surprisingly, the turnout was remarkably high for such a cold evening. (There typically is a direct correlation between the weekly attendance and that Monday’s nightly temperature).

Still, even though she was setting trail for what she thought was going to be a small group of us, she still – thoughtfully – gave us a choice between an eagle and a turkey trail (which she soberly called a “shortcut”). The vast majority opted for the longcut, proving that we are definitely an athletic bunch. Except for Skewbic Hare, who shortcut with the intention of getting to the beer first (he did not succeed).

Never one to let anything go to waste, Snevil even recycled old marks and parts of the trail from the Grey Cup Run.

Snevil organised the regroup in her own parkade. Being queen of her domain, it was only fitting she also RA’ed down downs.

On On!
PMS