Hares: Nev-R-Bin [X] and her daddy Stool Stuffer
Where: Paskapoo Slopes, Calgary, AB
Directions: SW Calgary near Calgary Olympic Park.
RA: Hump the Shark
Attendance: 25

This Pride Themed run had everything to make all of us proud: the hares took us up and down (and up again) delightful trails and the pack had the athleticism to keep up! Yay us.

Most people remembered to wear rainbow coloured gear but Abandoned Pussy had the foresight to bring her rainbow markers to adorn the losers who forgot.

On on!
PMS

Hares: Business in the Back and co-hare Lazy Cummer
Where: Business Office – Business in the Back, 515/151 (or is it 511?) Scarboro Ave SW, Calgary
RA: Booty Camp
Attendance: 40

Business is being lured to the “greener” pastures of Regina! Tonight was his last trail with us before he begins is sentence.

This trail might as well have been called :Two dicks, one trail. Not just because of the hares (although they *are* a couple of assholes) but also because they cleverly shaped their trail as a couple of dicks (one big, one smaller). I wonder whose is which?

Strap-On Crampon was highly offended that the hares didn’t use her dick, which she thought was much better. She had mapped a trail of her own, in the shape of a better-looking penis (in her opinion) but the hares were satisfied with their own misshapen members and disregarded her turgid macrophallus.

The trail was the source of confusion right from the get-go as two separate addresses were listed on the website as the start of the trail. Our Edmontonian visitor took the hareline instructions very literally and went on knocking on some neighbourhood door looking for a “business in the back”? Evidently, this was because some dylsecix hahsre edited the hareline for it. Let’s blame, Skoob. Or King Shit.

The trail was extremely well marked. Some (Skewbie again) complained that it was in fact overmarked. True enough: there were marks every 3 meters, arrows galore and very few checks, which made for very long stretches of straight up running. (Now, if we were interested in training, we’d join the Running Room.) The rationale – said the hares – was that the trail *had* to be long and hard because their penises were erect.

Speaking of other running groups: it was brought to light that Business in the Back has other running friends! “Night Something” is the name of that other running group. We’re not mad, we’re just disappointed.

The trail was an all-around (and straight up up up) fun time. We had archives (Froggy), visitors (Man-AIDS from San Diego and Dark Side of the Moon from Edmonton) and virgins (Sarah and Owen).

ON ON!
PMS

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Fish Creek – Shannon Terrace Amphitheatre, Calgary, AB
On-In: Gators Sports Pub SW, Calgary, AB
RA: PMS
Attendance: 25

Why this run wasn’t entitled “Huzzah, PMS is back“, I don’t know 🤷.

This trail saw lots of race-ism (athleticism rather) and sexual offenses:

🚴 The kidlets (Bah Bah Beer, Beer Crusher, Huggy Bear) and Hump the Shark were caught (separately) bike shaming electric bike riders calling them “cheaters”. Not everyone can be as athletic as us, you know.
🍑 Ménage à Trois was seen stripping on trail.
✨🚿 After his first round of chemo, Stool Stuffer’s bodily fluids are so toxic that there can be no golden showers for three days. Lying Sack kindly offered to cover for him for that period of time to avoid Rashy being disappointed.
🌳 Dastardly admitted to going for the bush and going down (and something about it being too hard)
👹 Skewbic Hair was being creepy by luring people into the deep dark woods and he was heard breathing extra hard while running next to a harrierette.

Runs that occur on the 22nd are tutu (2-2) runs, and most people got the memo (though not all remembered):

On on!
PMS

Hares: Boo-Blow (Booty Camp and Snow Blower)
Where: Royal Sunalta Park, Calgary, AB
On In: Two House Brewing, Calgary AB
RA: Snevil
Attendance: 23

You know what they say: couples who hash together stay together! These two CH3 superstars met at a Calgary Red Dress event yeeeaaars ago (photographic evidence below) and they are still going strong! Tonight was their anniversary, and what more romantic evening than to set trail and hare together?

This Bennifer of Hashing set a trail that took us through their old stomping grounds. Kind of like a “Hash down memory lane”.

Here is what the RA Snevil reported back:

· Choir was held by On-in and Dastardly. Such seasoned hashers must have done a fine job of it.

· Snevil was miffed that – week after week – trails continually go past her house and hares have the audacity not to plan for a regroup there.

· Sexual offense: Harrierette Just-10 Beaver and newbie Just Bill ran down secluded cul de sacs together. Some name ideas were thrown around, possibly relating to his sexual prowess: Just-10 Seconds was a contender… In the end, he remains Just Bill for now.

· Liquor Quicker got lost on trail and was ultimately saved by the walkers.

In other news, here is the selection of this week’s most photogenic hashers:

There were other noteworthy moments:

ON ON
PMS

Hares: Tighty Whitey
Where: Bitter Sisters Brewing Company, Calgary, AB
RA: (ex YYC hasher now visitor) Sticky Lips
Attendance: 24

So apparently, this was a sponsored run, brought to you by UNTAPPD. WTF is Untappd, you ask?? LMGTFY (Let Me Google That For You).

Hare Tighty Whitey is really into it, and not only does he share his achievements with the Untappd Community, but he also makes sure that the Calgary Hash House Harriers stay abreast of his progress. In case you’re not a part of either of these exclusive groups: he’s approaching unique beer #3500. (I only drink macro-brews myself so I don’t really get it; but it’s a big deal, I guess.)

So to celebrate his love of craft beers and/or OCD, TW set a (probably) most wonderful trail starting from one of Calgary’s breweries!

A bunch of hashers had gone to the Crowsnest Pass for the yearly Grimaldi* Adulting Weekend, so it’s surprising that attendance was still relatively high this Monday.

Anyhoo, the regular snitches and documenters were away so, we have little to work with other than King Shit’s compulsion to take photos of his dog (and other pooches).

On On!
PMS

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* the name has been changed to protect the anonymity of the Hot Cheeks Family. Also, the Grimaldi name is classy and refined, much like those Adulting weekends.

Hare: Snevil
Where: Sandy Beach Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Marda Loop Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: Hump the Shark
Attendance: 28

Snevil hadn’t been back from England for a day that she decided to set trail. What a trouper.

We were excited to see special UK marks or for the hare to be speaking with a strange accent but alas, everything was sadly very normal. To be clear, normal isn’t boring. A Snevil normal is…

This scribe relies 100% on the tales and photos of people who actually attended the run. Tales vary in length and girth, depending on whose they are. But this week, Hump the Shark needs to be acknowledged for providing HOT AND READY tales.

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[Hump The Shark] had the pleasure of being RA tonight so [he] figured [he]’d send [me] some notes :

– Tonight was a fantastic shiggy trail by Snevil, balls/muff deep in the Elbow.
– we had two visitors, Big Stick from Australia and Banshee from Vancouver
– two new boots joined our ranks: Bill brought out by Just Ten Beaver and Sonya brought out by Business In The Back
– [Just Ten Beaver and BIB] failed to tell them all the hash rules. Bill “won the hash” with a finishing sprint and Sonya wore a race shirt.
– the hash was to vote on who got the hash shit for not teaching the new boots properly. But BIB snuck a beer and was awarded it promptly
– we had a fantastic choir of Folk fest volunteers (Booty Camp, Snow Blower, Liquor Lots and AP). They did a rousing rendition of Monty Python’s Philosopher’s Song for Dr Just Ten Beaver
– Twisty got crabs on the walking trail (sic [what is this all about??])
– Abandoned Pussy will be known as Wet Pussy after the river crossing until she dries out
– Never Been was ratted out by daddy Stoolie for her new shoes
– lastly, the recently renamed Can Crusher was in fine crushing form tonight.

ON ON!
PMS (but, really, Hump The Shark)

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Aforza (Formerly the Tennis Academy), Calgary, AB
Directions: off 50 ave SW.
On-In: Chefs N Farmers, Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 19

Daisy Duke saves the hash (again) by setting trail. Not content with merely setting trail, Daisy set a dooooozie of a trail. He likes ’em long.

He also tasked the pack to track as many penises on trail as possible. He promised to trade alcohol for penises.
The walkers had a fun time – or so we’re told.

ON ON!
PMS

Hares: Pyro and Liquor Quicker
Where: Tuscany NW Run Start Location, Calgary, AB
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 18

Here is what transpired on trail and after:

• Choir was masterfully lead by Skewbic Hair.
• Hashers who deigned grace us with their presence (archives): Insane Bolt, Lof-T Prancer, Liquor Quicker (hare AND archive? Am I reading this right?)
• We had a visitor from Switzerland: Bern Balls (why not Rug Bern, I wonder?)
• The following hashers (human and dog alike) were awarded the “Dirtiest” Award: Dastardly (human) and Poppy (dog)
• We had a series of “Dog Sluts”. It turns out that a variety of offenses will warrant you getting this title. When one dog slut drinks, all dog sluts drink!!
  – Just-10 Beaver was named dog slut extraordinaire. She earned the titled because despite having no dog of her own, she brought dog treats to the run. She volunteered to run with Maverick, whom Liquor Lots is dog sitting. She even ran back 200m down the trail from on-in with a poo bag to pick up after it. What a star.
  – Lof-T also ran with Maverick for a bit.
  – Twisty raved about her daughter’s new puppy.
• Blue Balls left before he could be downed. He needed to be punished for leading the walkers astray, and had to be dragged back by the hare.
• Sexual Offense: Twisty was complaining about elliptical trainers. She doesn’t like to spread her legs that wide (that’s NOT what Hardly says).
• Just Matt was named Sheep Skate: when cumming to pay for hash cash, he was a Toonie short. He had to rely on a pensioner on a fixed income (King Shit) to pay the rest!
• DFLs : Stoolie, Dastardly, Bern Balls were dead fucking last.  Liquor Quicker swept the trail and was significantly slowed down but their lack of athleticism.

Thank you for the detailed notes King Shit! And thank you Skewb for the photos.

ON ON!
PMS