Hares : Cam Shaft and Mmm… Lady Fingers Where: Varsity Acres Park Attendance : 22
A radical change in weather from the previous few runs. This one was a WET ONE. A few things happened: trail was run, beers were drunk, songs were sung, ridiculous headgear was worn and tomfoolery took place.
Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer Where: Nose Hill Park (Peckers Point), 5620 14 St NW Attendance : 19
Hardly looks like he’s breathing rather heavily, no?
This run tied last Monday’s run as the HOTTEST run of the year. I’m told* it was a short one and people gathered for some backside fun afterwards. I’m unsure whether Stool Stuffer got his meat out this time, but I sort of remember Hardly and Twisted Sister mentioning that everybody would get wiener. There is no photographic evidence however (not here anyway. You may want to try your luck on some other site).
Get a life! Two milestones this week:
Hardly at 1350 runs
Twisted Sister at 1350 runs
What a coincidence, say you? Nah. Despite being married for a bazillion years, these two always ensure that they come together.
I can only assume King Shit is pointing out the resemblance?
On-On!
*If you want more accurate scribblings, write them yourself!
Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary Attendance : 39 (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.
No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:
Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
Wet Spot (idem)
Speaking of noobs: we also had the second cumming of noobie John. It was explained to him that he doesn’t need Strap-On Crampon to come. He can come by himself.
Because Red Deer Hashers don’t have the level of sophisti-ma-cations that us Calgarians have, Cum on ‘er was spotted urinating on trail. Tsk Tsk.
On-On!
*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!
Hares : Pyro Where : Baker Park, Bowness Attendance : 26 (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).
3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.
Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.
Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.
Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.
Hares : Daisy Duke Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW Attendance : Twenty… nine* (*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)
As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:
Trails are set for Monday nights.
Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
Circle up at 7:00 pm
All trails will have fully supported regroups
Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
Down Downs will be outside
On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
Masks are not required outside
2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households
As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.
This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.
Two milestones this week:
Pyro (the legend)ran his 1269th run
That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.
Hares : Hump the Shark Where : The Berwick Public House, 356 Cranston Road NE Attendance : 23 (running in multiple groups of fewer than 10)
They’ve got the moves like Jagger.
Q: What’s long and goes up at a 45% gradient? A: Hump the Shark’s t(r)ail.
True to himself, Hump the Shark took us on an extended run up and down hills, across waters and through wooded areas. Because he’s such a class act, we were met with a cooler full of beers at the end.
Scavenger Hunt Items
Hooters
Bird Condominium
Babbling Brook
Dragonfly
Nitwit
Mountains
Grader
Teddy bears
One milestone this week: Abandoned Pussy rode her way through her 369th. To celebrate, Strap-On Crampon cracked open her special bottle of Cask Strength Alberta Premium Rye.
Hashers’ balance and remarkable core strength ensured that no one fell in.
Hares : Lay’em in Snow & Dastardly (again!) Where : End of 40 Ave and Varsity Road NE Attendance : 23 (running separately, some from remote prairie locations)
Dastardly, who can’t seen to wanna stop haring, offered his assistance to other fellow Master Trail Setter Lay’em In Snow. They braved snakes and amphibians to set us a record setting trail that featured big wood, red-tipped cocks (or was it red-winged blackbirds?), beavers and a huge hole.
World’s Longest Scavenger Hunt list
4-plex birdhouse
world’s biggest check
inaccessible island
red-winged blackbirds
port-a-potty
swimming dogs
big log with a H on it
future hoodoos
Cliff swallows (at least that’s what he says)
beaver house
mountain bikers
Not many hashers are as into bird watching as Dastardly and Lay’em apparently are (we’re into a different kind of bird watching), so no one completed the scavenger hunt. Slippy Thong was reportedly too busy scanning the ground for reptiles to notice anything else.
Hump The Shark lost his car keys in the wilderness, which put him in the awkward situation of not having access to his beer at the regroup. Fear not, dear reader, some generous and selfless hashers provided Hump with libations, proving once again that the hash will always be there for you in your worst moments of need.
Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower Where : Booty & Snow’s Love Nest, 1739 – 27 Street SW Attendance : 12-ish? (running separately)
Rashy Bush is pretty horny.
Monday was a very wet day and some of our most hardcore hashers passed on this trail. But rest assured that it wasn’t too wet for Pyro. He came.
Booty Camp and Snowblower opened their back door for the last time and they set a nice trail for us: not too long but really really hard. Lying Sack and Slippy Thong managed to make it longer (by rubbing it fervently, I assume) while Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer never found it at all!
Scavenger Hunt Items
Red winged blackbirds
The world’s biggest pile of sawdust
A wishing well
Lily of the Valleys in bloom
Mansion on a hill
Mmmmmmh Ladyfinger’s interpretation of the scavenger hunt list is looser than she is! In her defense, they were out of town, so she made do with what she had.
One milestone this week: Skewbic Hair “ran” his 950th, which – for once – he got recognized for on the actual day, thus robbing him of any excuse to whine.
Hares : Liquor Lots, Oozie Pizzle Panties, Dastardly Where : Bowmont Park, 85 St NW, Calgary Attendance : 29 (running separately)
This week again, hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures. Safety Third!
Scavenger Hunt Items
a snake
waterfall
a train
a wheelchair
a non-hashers dog
a bicycle
hasher in a bikini
(optional ball pic)
It’s always a treat when veteran hasher Dastardly helps set trail. The hares did a remarkable job in this gem of a location. It was hard, wet, and slippery. We got high and we went down. The hares promised an 8k true trail and they delivered just that: no underselling, no over-delivering.
This was also the trail of many milestones:
King Shit ran his 1500th, securing his spot as the Runner Up to the Hash’s biggest loser title. Get a life, King Shit!
The beautiful Mucky Dip (569 runs) 69’ed fellow 69-er…
Liquor Lots (69 runs). Lesbians are best, boys!
Liquor Lots (69)
Mucky Dip (569) – ignore the dude on the right
Depending on when you ran trail, you may have run into Bownesian yoots loitering by the river, throwing caution to the wind and empties into the Bow. Tsk tsk.
This week marked the first trail set since the latest set of mandatory restrictions. Because the Calgary Hash House Harriers are responsible law-abiding citizens, hares set trail but hashers were asked to run trail on their own or in groups that follow the current health measures.
Scavenger Hunt Items
a bus or train stop a construction site a “sold” realtor sign a massage parlour a tree with Xmas lights (dick pics optional)
Trail was well marked (with V’s for on, C’s for checks and X’s for checkback) and left very little room for error, unless your name is Haywood Jablömee, in which case you ran every which way, paying little attention to marks and made the trail 19km long. Even your Strava gave up on you and reported back in two separate segments.
He looks pretty pleased with himself too.
The rest of us underachievers kept it real and stuck to the #realeagle or turkey trails.
The hare apparently forgot what he was doing half way through marking. Squirrel!
Carry On-On!
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers