Hares: Daisy Duke and Master Router
Where: Aforza, Calgary, AB
On-In: Wild Rose Brewery, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 8
This was definitely the coldest run in a looooong time, and this – apparently – made hashers’ weenies shrink!
Only 8 hashers showed up for trail this week as it looks we have a lot of fair weather hashers in our midst! The only hasher that was completely unfazed by the weather is Vinnie (aka “On the Piss”), King Shit’s Malamute.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft
Where: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s shack, Calgary, AB
On In: Mmmmm Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s shack, Calgary, AB
RA: Dastardly
Attendance: 20
On the eve of all saints’ day, CH3’s ho-liest duo opened their back door wide and let the whole pack in.
From the dungeon in the hosts’ love nest
To the master bedroom where the sex swing rests
The hashers all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from Cam’s electrodes
They did the monster hash
(The monster hash) There was a backyard smash
(They did the hash) Some even caught a rash
(They did the hash) They did the monster hash
On On!
PMS
Hares: Slippy Thong & PMS
Where: Fish Creek – Votier’s Flats, Calgary, AB
On In: Local 403, Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 18
This trail is the event that everyone has been waiting for. Last year, the Itty Bitty Titty Committee went bust, in view of the fact that (t)its membership was 33-66% lower. With PMS gone and Snevil in the UK for long stretches of time, Slippy didn’t have the motivation to set an IBT run by herself. Don’t knock’er though, that would be udderly unfair.
In mammary of good times past, we chose to rack our brains and found the pairfect location for this latest installment of the Itty Bitty Titty Run: Votier’s Flats. This probably was our breast effort to date!
At circle, the pack was fed delicious Fried Egg Gummy candies and enjoyed our cans at the end of the run. Down downs were held outside on the parking lot and after that, hashers went to Local 403 for extra jugs. Luckily, Skewbic Hair didn’t overdo it. Or diddy?
Tatas for now!
PMS
Hares: Hump the Shark and Liquor Lots
Where: Liquor Lots’s Loft
On In: Born Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: ??
Attendance: 26
First, before we go any further, let’s settle a debate. You may have noticed some discrepant spellings for our new Hash Mattress between the hareline and the scribblings. To be clear, LL herself says that her name is LIQUOR Lots (not Lick’er Lots). Let us not be too literal, King Shit or Skewbie.
For the first time, our new Hash master and mattress came together for their pleasure and ours. In the spirit of pre-Hallowe’en, they took us through or near a total of four cemeteries.
Tonight’s run was proof that hashing just ain’t for everybody. Our virgin vowed never to come back because she “didn’t like it”. Wow, don’t hold back!!
So if you’re thinking about giving hashing a go, you might want to reconsider if:
– you don’t drink and are only looking to get in “the orange zone” in between your HIIT and P90X sesh’s. (For us, “the orange zone” is the inside of a bag of Cheezies)
– you can’t tolerate profanity and are easily offended
– you can’t handle poor singing and loud people
You should consider hashing if:
– you don’t take yourself too seriously
– you want to get a decent run in (roughly 5-6k). Or not. Whatevz.
– your inner child is screaming to be let out
– you want to meet some cool people and socialize over beers/drinks.
On On!
PMS
Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister
Where: The Hares’ House, Beermuda Way NE, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 27
Hardly and Twisty, on Thanksgiving Day
We lift our cups to you and say:
We give you thanks for all you’ve done
Especially for the gift of run
For beauty in nature, which we hashed through
For suds and shiggy, and orange food too
For being hosts and hares extraordinaire
These are the blessings you graciously share.
So today we offer this poem of praise
And we’ll drink in your honour until we’re in a daze.
Indeed, we have lots to be thankful for: a s.t.u.n.n.i.n.g trail, beautiful weather, a fantastic group of hashers, and a veritable feast.
On On
PMS
Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Elite Brewing and Cidery, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 25
Everybody loves erections night! Everybody loves Yummy Kippers! In a confluence of all things good, the Hash Gods joined them both in one spectacular night of new mismanagement and goldfish crackers.
Every year, around the 10th of Tishrei, Twisted Sister and Hardly offer us a “Yummy Kippers” Holy Day Run. The celebration includes:
· wearing old non-leather shoes (i.e. runners)
· pilgrimage through the streets of Calgary
· eating (goldfish crackers) and drinking (beer).
Concurrently, new mismanagement was sworn in. Your new mismanagement is:
Hashmaster(s) – Hump the Shark & Liquor Lots
Jointmaster – ]Booty Camp
Sexitary – King Shit
Under The Influencer – Nev-R-bin …
RA Coordinator – On-In
Haberdasher – Daisy Duke
Awardinator – Daisy Duke
Beer Meister – Dastardly
Beer Wench – Just10Beaver & SnowBlower
Hash Cash – Slippy Thong, Hot Cheeks, Mmm… Ladyfingers, Strap-on
Übergeek – Nev-R-Bin
Üntergeek – Skewbic Hair & Snevil, Sucks Everything, AP, Hardly
Hash Horn – Daisy Duke
Scribe – Princess Monkey Spanker
On On!
PMS
Hares: Nev-R-Bin haring two trail in a month
Where: Bowness Pub NW, Calgary, AB
RA: ?
Attendance: 28
In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.
Land Acknowledgement | Calgary Foundation
Every Monday we come out and play on this beautiful land we are lucky to share with all the people – Indigenous and non – who also love, honour and celebrate it.
This week, we enjoyed playing near Bowness, a jewel in and of itself in Calgary. Nev-R-Bin gifted us with an 8K beauty.
Hares: A.P.
Where: A.O. Wheeler Hut, Glacier National Park, BC
RA: A.P. and King Shit
Attendance: 14
This trail was part of our anal fall hiking weekend in the mountains. Thanks to King Shit’s planning, we scored a whole 30 people hut for our 14-man group. Included were 1 Edmonton visitor (Dark Side of the Moon) and 1 archive (Tommy TwoFinger) who both drove close to 6 and a half hours for this. They’d agree that it was totally worth it. We also had a near-virgin. Jenni-you-can-call-me-anything-fer had only hashed once before and joined our ranks for the night.
It has become tradition to have a numbered trail at these events. The length and difficulty of those trails are inversely proportional to the hare (and the pack’s) level of intoxication.
AP set trail and RA’ed. She took it very personally that not all members of the group did her trail and she gave them non-alcoholic French beer as punishment!
Other offenses included:
· excessive awesomeness (PMS, Dark Side, Strap-On)
· sexually explicit comments regarding King Shit’s whiskey
(“it’s really quite thick. It coats your mouth but it’s quite good once you swallow”, “I really can’t do it. I suck so hard”, “it finishes really well after it shoots out of your eyeballs”)
· making the RA feel guilty for missing her rugby game
(and others I can’t remember on account of alcohol).
Our newbie got named. She had mentioned that her name was Jennifer, but could be called “Jen, Jenny, or Fur“. She later mentioned something about “rubbing Jen-itals”. She will henceforth be know as Furry Genitals.
On On
PMS
Hares: Liquor Lots, OPP, Hardly & Snevil
Where: Elite Brewing and Cidery, Calgary, AB
RA: Tardy Dastardly
Attendance: 16 (+ a throuple of bashers)
We were promised an EPIC trail with a view by the dynamic Liquor Lots, OPP and their respective pups. They claimed it was going to be the trail of the year, the trail to end all trails.
Wellllll, it sure was a trail like no other. In fact, it was no trail at all! On account of their lack of foresight, their 100% chalked trail got completely washed away by today’s torrential downpour. So here they were, at 7pm, with their trails between their legs asking for volunteers to live hare the thing!
Our two hash heroes Snevil and Hardly stepped up to the plate and set just what we were promised: an epic trail with a view. You can tell an experienced hasher by the quality of their live improvised trails.
Late cummer Dastardly was punished and made to RA.
Bashers were punished and made to entertain us with their mouths. There was much rejoicing.
On on!
PMS
Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: McDougall Park NE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: King Shit
Attendance: 14
These two must be the Calgary Hash House Harriers’ most prolific hares. They just can’t get enough.
Sadly, tonight’s run saw a very small committee of only the most dedicated and athletic hashers. Someone even pointed out that, for the first time in hashtory, the # of Full Mooners (Saturday night) exceeded the # of hashers at the Monday run.
Bridgeland trails typically offer hills and a mix of urban and trail running. I couldn’t exactly tell you if this one did, as Snevil, Rashy and myself missed the second half of the trail. WHY, you ask? Even though arrows never lie, hares sure do and Snow Blower pointed us in the wrong direction.
We won’t stay mad at him however; it was his birthday after all. And for his birthday, he gifted us with a “Magic Mike” moment:
Here are some of the offenses that occurred on trail:
· Cam Shaft’s new girlfriend lives on his wrist and whispers sweet nothings to him.
· Daisy Duke is a (corn hole) playa. Apparently he went straight for the hole without any foreplay or prior lubrication.
· walkers all stopped on trail for “fluid adjustment”. They oughta be publicly pissed on.
On on!
PMS
