(this run was 100% named by Daisy Duke himself)

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Heritage Park – Big H Parking Location, Calgary, AB
Where exactly: under the BIG H
RA: (Unsure)
Attendance: 14

By all accounts (and by that I mean by NO ACCOUNTS, because no one mentioned trail on social media), it was the second best trail of the year! Or maybe even the best. It reckon it was THAT good.

Daisy sure knows what he’s doing and that’s why he’s going to be setting most of the trails in 2023. That’s what he said anyway.

Because nothing leaked about this week’s run, let me regale you with the complete list of all the hashers who attended this momentous event. In ALPHABETICAL order, no less:

• Blue Balls
• Daisy Duke
• Hardly
• Insane Bolt
• Just 10 Beaver
• Karate Klit
• King Shit
• Lying Sack of Shit
• On In
• Pyro
• Slippy Thong
• Stool Stuffer
• Suck No Evil (aka Snevil, in which case she’s listed in between Slippy and Stooly)
• Twisted Sister

On On!
PMS

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Brickwell Tap House, Calgary, AB
What: Don’t forget to wear your favourite Boxer Shorts.
RA: On In
Attendance: 19

Temperatures were breaking zero degrees and it was a 2pm affair which means that trail was run in broad daylight! Nice change of pace from the few weeks prior.

The hares warned that it could be a ballbuster run or the second shortest trail of the year. Which was it??

My intelligence (let’s temper this statement: my “intelligence” was King Shit) tells me that it was somewhere in between the two. I quote: ” a good distance, as the weather was warm, but not a ballbuster”. So… average length.

For her own birthday, Slippy Thong, treated the gang to a strip tease of sorts by “slipping” her headband off in a most seductive fashion, “like underwear” (?!).

Snow Blower celebrated his 200th run (jeeeee, get a LIFE!).

On On!
PMS

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Ol’ Beautiful Brewery, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 21
RA: On In (?)

Brrrrrrrr. T’was cold! T’was the “shortest run of the year” on the shortest day of the year.

Frogodile Hunter turned 40 30 today and she chose to celebrate it with the people that really matter.

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Blackbird Public Urban Bar, Calgary, AB
Directions: Drive South until you hit Granum, then turn around and drive about about an hour North.
Attendance: 12
RA: On In

Our Hash Mattress asked, nay, *demanded* that the hare set a lengthier trail (for racist reasons). Being the good and amenable little hasher that she is, AP was more than happy to comply. And we aaaallllll paid the price with an 8k dash.

On top of that, the deep south wasn’t the tropical paradise it promised to be and we were blessed with frigid wind gusts.

Back at the regroup, the RA did down downs outside. AP received her 400th run trophy. This trophy gets passed to hashers when they run their 400th trail. They hold on to it until a next hasher gets to 400 runs. This can take years, which means you get to hang on to this most decorative trophy for a delightfully long time.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Insane Bolt with the help of Dastardly
Where: The Banquet, Calgary, AB
On-In: The Banquet, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 12
RA: Camshaft

12 courageous souls (gluttons for punishment) dared brave the snow, the wind and the cold for one of Insane Bolt’s doozie of a trail. He swears that when he “reckied” it, it was a perfectly pleasant 6k stroll. This is Calgary, so things can shift dramatically in 24 hours. By the time he was setting it (at the last minute), his carefully planned route was covered in ankle-deep, ankle-breaking snow.

Some hashers may have been caught bitching about it (“What has two thumbs and bitched about the terrible running conditions on tonight’s trail? THIS scribe!”)

No photos of the trail surfaced on the interwebz, probably because it was too flipping cold out to stop for pictures!

The regroup was located near a gas fire pit that looked a lot better than it warmed us up.

We celebrated Karate Klit’s 50th run and I managed to snap a photo where she doesn’t make a face. (Turns out, all you have to do is give her something to put in her mouth!)

On On!
PMS

Hares: Suck No Evil
Where: Marda Loop Community Association, Calgary, AB
On-In: Royal Exchange Bankview, Calgary, AB
RA: Snevil, the one woman Hash
Attendance: 26

The Chinook we experienced in the last few week is now over and temperatures are back to well below zero. This makes for particularly slippery sidewalks, rendered even more treacherous by the light dusting of snow that is covering the icy patches.

It’s a good thing that hashers either a) are always prepared or b) have a very high risk tolerance (Safety Third!)

Sneevz (‘O ye, of little faith’) was expecting a pack of 8 hashers (or an “8-pack”), but surprisingly, the turnout was remarkably high for such a cold evening. (There typically is a direct correlation between the weekly attendance and that Monday’s nightly temperature).

Still, even though she was setting trail for what she thought was going to be a small group of us, she still – thoughtfully – gave us a choice between an eagle and a turkey trail (which she soberly called a “shortcut”). The vast majority opted for the longcut, proving that we are definitely an athletic bunch. Except for Skewbic Hare, who shortcut with the intention of getting to the beer first (he did not succeed).

Never one to let anything go to waste, Snevil even recycled old marks and parts of the trail from the Grey Cup Run.

Snevil organised the regroup in her own parkade. Being queen of her domain, it was only fitting she also RA’ed down downs.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Pyro
Where: 2202 Crowfoot Parade Parking , Calgary, AB
RA: Skoob
Attendance: 20

The run title may be a wee bit dramatic (a King Shit creation?). A few years ago, the mere mention of Pyro haring would have the more recalcitrant runners stay home for the night. But Pyro has gone soft in his old age, and tends to no longer set the ballbusters of yore. (I am pre-scribing here, so this may come back to bite me in the arse. Time will tell.)

Actually, it’s time for me to get ready. I’ll be back after trail…

Well, it’s been confirmed that Pyro likes his trails non-Abu Dhabi and 360º checks. Trail wasn’t particularly long but we’ll cut him some slack as it was his birthday, so he probably had better things to do.

We had two milestones today: Abandoned Pussy is 400 trails old and On-In ran his 800th tonight. AP refused her half yard down down on account of being “responsible” and not wanting to “DUI” but On-In gladly attempted the challenge of downing his half yard in… over 5 minutes. To be fair, the beer was very cold and even a regular down down was hard to swallow (that’s what she said).

Mucky pulled a Dastardly and ran her own trail (after she lost the rest of the pack).

Hardly and Twisty brought some snacks, and there’s nothing better tasting that free snacks. Thanks!

On On!
PMS

Hares: Dastardly and Hardly
Where: Joyce on 4th, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance:15

This was another exceptional(ly slippery) trail by the hash’s most experienced hares. The pack was advised to bring their strap-ons (crampons) but some chose to do things their own way: Skewb needs no strap-ons when he’s got his equipment (little pricks) on his person (which he screwed on himself) and Snow Blower chose to freestyle it on his summer runners. Apart from one near-miss, he managed to stay vertical all trail long.

Because they didn’t have the entertainment of slipping on ice, walkers regaled themselves with tales of public wankers.

Down Down were held at regroup and Daisy and Blue Balls lead the choir (but did they though?).

All in all, it was a successful afternoon and as Slippy commented, it was nice to be able to see marks again!

ON ON!
PMS

Hares: Tighty Whitey
Where: Bebo Grove, Fish Creek Park, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26

TW set a trail in the style of the “Choose your own adventure” books of our youths. This made for an exciting if not confusing run, where people got lost and wished they had picked differently.

Here are the notes shared by the RA:

• Choir: King Shit and Skoob
• We had a Visitor straight from Germany
• Strap On Cramp On went missing on trail. This is due to the fact that she trusted her infallible inner compass. Because Liquor Lots doesn’t know any better, she opted to follow Strap-On and they both managed to finish DFL.
• Lying Sack of Shit and many walkers did not see the pieces of flagging and beer hidden behind the park bench. And they call themselves hashers??
• Dastardly filled in for missing Beer Wenches – where are they?

On On!
PMS