Hares : Princess Monkey Spanker
Where: Boobie Grove (Bebo Grove), 13610 24 St SW, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 30 + 3 half pints

Finally, PMS gets to talk about herself in the third person. She’s very pleased about that.

PMS opted to set one last trail mere days before she embarks on her European adventure. [Wave at the eastbound Westjet flight you see on Friday night (19:30ish)]

The hare was concerned for the pack’s health and well-being (the Air Quality Health Index was at 9 when trail was set), so hashers had the option to keep it short and sweet. Luckily the AQHI went way down to 3 by 7pm so keeners/race-ists were safely able to follow the Eagle trail if they so chose. The trail was absolutely stellar, if I do say so myself.

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Harrierette OPP “didn’t know” about the new shoe rule (i.e. you never wear new shoes hashing) and tried to pull the wool over the RA’s eyes by changing into her old runners for down downs. And a down down she got! From her old shoe! She took it like a champ, though.
Basher Hung Loose showed up after the run in perfectly fitted 501’s and loafers, for which he got the new Hat Shit (Safety Third!). Wanting to atone for his sins, he even volunteered to drink out of his slip-on.

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A milestone, a naming and a virgin this week:
• Snow Blower has been blowing for 169 weeks. Lucky Booty Camp!
• Business in the Back’s buddy David will henceforth be known to us as “Lazy Cummer“. He was supposedly too lazy to come when he and B.i.B went off trail and into the bushes.
• Liquor Lots’s friend Alicia came out! She is unlikely to come back, as she is apparently moving to Bermuda! Fuck you, Alicia!

Hares : Dementia
Where: Local 403, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE
Attendance : 21

After over a year’s absence (I think?) Harrierette Dementia finally remembered about the hash and even offered to hare. Dementia’s trails are like a box of penises, you never know what you’re gonna get. This one was very short, yet Dementia was convinced that it was twice as long as what we measured.

Dementia also forgot how to mark and used a variety of marks such as batman masks and orange balloons.

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A momentous milestone this week: Dastardly entered the new millennium. To celebrate his 1000th run, Dastardly was handed a yard of beer, which he downed with much aplomb.

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In other news, we had a threesome of virgins: newly named “Business in the back” made his friend David come, Never Bin brought a friend (Jen?) and Rashy Bush brought the fruit of her loin (Anna?).

On-On!

Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Murdoch Park, 9 St NE & Centre Ave NE
Attendance : 26

The hash’s sexiest couple (the Boo-Blow) had the pack tickled pink with a delightful trail that would have made the Grand Ol’ Duke of York proud.

Because it was a holiday trail, most hashers were expecting a slightly shorter affair. But in a shocking turn of events, the Boo-Blow kept us going for over 5k. (This was the opposite scenario to last week’s short trail shocker.)

No milestones this week, but a hasher was Pabst™ized (i.e. named). This week, Just Jonathan finally managed to make himself come (without the assistance of Strap On Crampon). Few people recognized him as he had shed his facial hair and lost his mullet. He also made the BIG mistake of mentioning the Half-M-Word he ran a few weeks prior. A few names were briefly considered (1. Cums By Himself, 2. Half Wit), before settling on a winner (courtesy of Frogodile Hunter). John will henceforth be known to the hash as: “Business in the Back“.

Speaking of: after regroup, Froggie did some shady back alley deals that can honestly be described as “grabbing cans for pussies”. Make of it what you will.

On on!

Hares : Pyro and Krusty
Where: 5029 Nose Hill Dr NW, Calgary, AB T3L 0A2
Attendance : 28

Many hashers gasped with horror when they saw those two hares’ names combined for this Monday’s run. Some even conveniently found themselves suddenly “busy” with their “other friends” that night (ahem-Snevil&HotCheeks-ahem).

Shockingly, trail was no ball buster. Some technology relying race-ists may have even clocked it at a very reasonable 6.3km. To prove that they weren’t going soft on us, Pyro and Krusty *did* however provide us with mucky grounds, prickly bushes and steep hills.

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No milestones this week, but we had the visit of two virgins (whom Wet Spot and Cum Honor made come): Bjoern and Aline. Bjoern wanted to run with airpods in, but gave up on the idea after p̶e̶r̶s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶̶̶r̶̶̶i̶̶̶b̶̶̶b̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶g̶̶̶ some guidance from the rest of the pack.

Also, archived Frogodile Hunter graced us with her presence. Regrettably, she found no frogodiles on trail.

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In other news, there were two episodes of alcohol abuse, for which the perpetrators were punished by abusing more alcohol.

On-On!

Hares : Cum Honor and Wet Spot
Where: Tuxedo Park Community Association and Hall, 202 29 Ave NE
Attendance : 21

Red Deer expats Cum Honor and Wet Spot (I wonder if their names and their coupling are a coincidence…) delighted Sticky Lips with the shortest fair weather hash in Calgary Hash History. They insisted that they were doing it the Red Deer way and they generously provided their own regroup beer.

Because the run was so short, nothing much happened on trail. Speaking of short, Lying Sack chose to relieve (and expose!) himself in full view of young and impressionable harrierettes. He defended himself by arguing that there wasn’t “anything to see”.

No milestones this week, but run 2175 saw the first cumming of JC (thanks to Lof-T Prancer). Now we’re all nervously awaiting his second cumming. “The hour and the day no man knoweth” (D&C 49:7), although one might speculate that it would be on a Monday, at 7pm.

On-On!

Hares : Stool Stuffer & Daisy Duke
Where: 403 Local Eatery, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE
Attendance : 22

Judging by the photos, it was a good run followed by a fun “near normal” on-in, complete with patio sitting and singing.

No milestones this week but a NAMING:

1. Relative newbie Tom will henceforth be known as “Broken Woody”.

The story behind the name is supposedly perfectly innocent, but no one is buying it.

On-On!

Hares : Cam Shaft and Mmm… Lady Fingers
Where: Varsity Acres Park
Attendance : 22

A radical change in weather from the previous few runs. This one was a WET ONE. A few things happened: trail was run, beers were drunk, songs were sung, ridiculous headgear was worn and tomfoolery took place.

On-On!

Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer
Where: Nose Hill Park (Peckers Point), 5620 14 St NW
Attendance : 19

This run tied last Monday’s run as the HOTTEST run of the year. I’m told* it was a short one and people gathered for some backside fun afterwards. I’m unsure whether Stool Stuffer got his meat out this time, but I sort of remember Hardly and Twisted Sister mentioning that everybody would get wiener. There is no photographic evidence however (not here anyway. You may want to try your luck on some other site).

Get a life! Two milestones this week:

1. Hardly at 1350 runs
2. Twisted Sister at 1350 runs

What a coincidence, say you? Nah. Despite being married for a bazillion years, these two always ensure that they come together.

On-On!

*If you want more accurate scribblings, write them yourself!

Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker
Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary
Attendance : 39
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.

No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:

1. Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
2. Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
3. Wet Spot (idem)

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On-On!

*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!

Hares : Pyro
Where : Baker Park, Bowness
Attendance : 26
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

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Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).

3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.

Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.

Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.

Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.

Get a LIFE! Two milestones this week:

1. Hump the Shark ran his 169th run;
2. Princess Monkey Spanker celebrated her 350th.

On-On!