Hares: Oozy Pizzle Panties & Liquor Lots
Where: Garrison Pub & Eatery, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 23

🎶 OPP, how can I explain it
I’ll take you frame by frame it
To have y’all jumpin’ shall we singin’ it
O is for Oozy, P is for Pizzle maybe with a rimple
The last P… well… that’s quite simple
It’s what your call underwear not worn by men.🎶

Circle started off with kind words of remembrance for fellow hasher Lay’em in Snow, who sadly passed last Tuesday after a year-long battle with cancer. We will miss his kindness, positive spirit and wisdom. What a Mensch. On Up, Lem!

Our two harrierettes set a wonderful long(er) trail on this beautiful warm(ish) night. Times are tough and chalk is expensive so marks were few and far between: hares had to guide us through sections of it. Still, it made for a very enjoyable trail through Marda Loop and Sandy Beach, complete with a PG and on-trail smut!

Down Downs were held at the Garrison Pub, directed by RA On In, and songs were led by a S-H-I-T-T-Y C-H-O-I-R, shitty choir (they sucked!), shitty choir (the *really* sucked!). On-In likes his down down beers to be more than a mouthful so beer bitch Just-Ten Beaver, did as she was asked and filled ’em glasses!

On On!
PMS

Hares: Roaring Nancy and Dastardly
Where: Pizza Bob’s, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In.
Attendance: 16

For those who missed yesterday’s run, please note that this pair of hares will *never set trail together again* (best shouted in RoaaRrring Naaancy’s inimitable voice). We’re not sure what caused the discord as trail was quite wonderful: a mix of street and trail running interspersed with idyllic forest-like segments (see for yourself):

One complaint: the name of the run over-promised and under-delivered on the sex (and the polar vortex). Temperatures (see above) were almost mild in fact. It was even mild enough for people to disrobe, which may have upped the sex appeal, but alas, no one did.

Hares gave us many PG’s to play at and the Universe gave Insane Bolt and Hump the Shark an extra toy, which they both rode long and hard.

We ran near the Tom Baker Cancer Centre and had a thought for our fellow Hasher Lay’em In Snow who – we hear – is not doing too well these days. Let’s send him some love. We miss you, buddy. ❤️

On On!
PMS

Hares: Hump the Shark (and Dastardly)
Where: Stonewall Pub, Calgary AB
What: Wear your best Scottish getup
RA: On In
Attendance: 19

In honor of Scotland’s most famous bard, the hash organizes a special trail on (or close to) his birthday on a yearly basis. This year, Hump the Shark (the least Scottish hasher?) volunteered for the job. On-In (the Scottishest hasher) was RA and beguiled us with his own rendition(s) of Rabbie Burns poetry. Even after seeing the printed words, I’m not sure it is any more comprehensible.

Trail was true to Hump’s style: on the longer side at around 8.5km. Feel the Burns! Over achiever “Insane Bolt” is rumoured to have run even more than the hare covered as he set it, with check backs and all (11.5km).

Only a handful of hashers dressed the part, with kilt-clad Hardly being the most Scottish-looking (despite his strong Teutonic roots). Some (including myself, in the name of the “auld alliance“) wore some tartan accessories.

Oan oan!
PMS

Hares: Skewbic Hair, Hump the Shark, Dastardly
Where: Carburn Park, Calgary, AB
On In: The Station Pub and Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: RoaaarrRRring Naaancy
Attendance: 18

In loving mammary of Thunder Tits, Dastardly decided to hare this trail on the anniversary of her passing. And then he did his back in and called upon able-bodied hashers to do the work for him.

The pack met up at Carburn Park and the hares took us on a winding pilgrimage through Thunder Tits’s old stomping grounds. It was foggy and spooky.

Trail was a touch longer than people were comfortable with and only a couple of true athletes completed the “Eagle” trail while most settled for turkeying back to the car park.

A few archives came out for the occasion and we reminisced about the good old days of Thunder Tits.

May you rest in peace, TT.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Snevil
Where: The Dirty Duck, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 14

Who’s a dirty, dirty duck?

Cinderfella was supposed to hare this week’s trail but he must have gotten cold feet and his beautiful wife Snevil ended up doing him a solid and taking this monumental task off his hands.

Snevil is a seasoned pro, so she doesn’t like to set trail in her image (short and sweet).

(this run was 100% named by Daisy Duke himself)

Hares: Daisy Duke
Where: Heritage Park – Big H Parking Location, Calgary, AB
Where exactly: under the BIG H
RA: (Unsure)
Attendance: 14

By all accounts (and by that I mean by NO ACCOUNTS, because no one mentioned trail on social media), it was the second best trail of the year! Or maybe even the best. It reckon it was THAT good.

Daisy sure knows what he’s doing and that’s why he’s going to be setting most of the trails in 2023. That’s what he said anyway.

Because nothing leaked about this week’s run, let me regale you with the complete list of all the hashers who attended this momentous event. In ALPHABETICAL order, no less:

• Blue Balls
• Daisy Duke
• Hardly
• Insane Bolt
• Just 10 Beaver
• Karate Klit
• King Shit
• Lying Sack of Shit
• On In
• Pyro
• Slippy Thong
• Stool Stuffer
• Suck No Evil (aka Snevil, in which case she’s listed in between Slippy and Stooly)
• Twisted Sister

On On!
PMS

Hares: Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Brickwell Tap House, Calgary, AB
What: Don’t forget to wear your favourite Boxer Shorts.
RA: On In
Attendance: 19

Temperatures were breaking zero degrees and it was a 2pm affair which means that trail was run in broad daylight! Nice change of pace from the few weeks prior.

The hares warned that it could be a ballbuster run or the second shortest trail of the year. Which was it??

My intelligence (let’s temper this statement: my “intelligence” was King Shit) tells me that it was somewhere in between the two. I quote: ” a good distance, as the weather was warm, but not a ballbuster”. So… average length.

For her own birthday, Slippy Thong, treated the gang to a strip tease of sorts by “slipping” her headband off in a most seductive fashion, “like underwear” (?!).

Snow Blower celebrated his 200th run (jeeeee, get a LIFE!).

On On!
PMS

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Ol’ Beautiful Brewery, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 21
RA: On In (?)

Brrrrrrrr. T’was cold! T’was the “shortest run of the year” on the shortest day of the year.

Frogodile Hunter turned 40 30 today and she chose to celebrate it with the people that really matter.

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Blackbird Public Urban Bar, Calgary, AB
Directions: Drive South until you hit Granum, then turn around and drive about about an hour North.
Attendance: 12
RA: On In

Our Hash Mattress asked, nay, *demanded* that the hare set a lengthier trail (for racist reasons). Being the good and amenable little hasher that she is, AP was more than happy to comply. And we aaaallllll paid the price with an 8k dash.

On top of that, the deep south wasn’t the tropical paradise it promised to be and we were blessed with frigid wind gusts.

Back at the regroup, the RA did down downs outside. AP received her 400th run trophy. This trophy gets passed to hashers when they run their 400th trail. They hold on to it until a next hasher gets to 400 runs. This can take years, which means you get to hang on to this most decorative trophy for a delightfully long time.

On On!
PMS