Hares: Tighty Whitey
Where: Gators Sports Pub SW, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 18

The run title says it all. Also, the meeting point was located near Fish Creek, so there was no way we were not getting shiggy. Hopefully, this did not put off our virgin hasher Matt (whom Insane Bolt made cum).

Hare Tighty Whitey likes to lurk around and take pictures of wet and dirty hashers:

Here are some of the tales that were reported:

• Insane Bolt saw his first beaver today. Snevil gave him the ins and outs of how to catch one.
• Noobie “Just Josh” (who took the liberty of calling himself ‘JJ’ (rookie mistake)) will henceforth be known as “Va-JJ”. A brilliant name, whoever came up with that.
• There were Moose Track sightings on trail (see below).
• Stool Stuffer came 169 times. This time, he came alone. Weird for a 169.
• Strap-On Crampon and Hot Cheeks shared their strap-ons.

In other news, a few hashers celebrated/will celebrate their birthdays :
🎂Brokeback Mount Me’s was TODAY Mar 28
🎂Booty Camp’s was March23^rd
🎂 Lying Sack Of Shit’s is Apr 2^nd.

ON ON !
PMS

Hares: Abandoned Pussy
Where: Transit Parking Lot SE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Penny Black Bar & Kitchen SE, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 18

AP likes it hard and long – that’s what she said! No, like, literally… That’s what she said when talking about this trail that she set for us. At first, she looked fairly apologetic that her trail was on the longer side… But then she just let her mean side show, unapologetically, like the asshole she is.

And when the scribe posted her weekly plea for “Scribbling fodder”, AP further proved my point:

Turns out, at least one harrierette survived the ordeal to tell the tale. Thank you Strap On Crampon for your in real time reports.

ON ON!
With my cumpliments,
PMS

Hares: Oozy Pizzle Panties & Liquor Lots
Where: Griffith Woods Park SW – Discovery Ridge, Calgary, AB
On-In: Lennox Irish Pub SW, Calgary, AB
RA: Snevil
Attendance: 23

It’s that time of year again, when it becomes socially acceptable for people to shamelessly give way to their addiction and lack of restraint: yes indeed, it’s girl guide cookie season again. And King Shit has undoubtedly purchased 10 boxes of Vanilla/Chocolate Creme Cookies, all in the name of encouraging young female entrepreneurship. Our hare OPP acknowledges her shameless plug to peddle her daughter’s product on our website. Bring your money, do your bit.

The hares were so sure of the quality of their trail, they guaran-f*ckn-teed it would make us WET 💦. We were told to bring a change of undergarments.

ON ON!
PMS

Hare: Hump the Shark
Where: Crowfoot Baseball Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Red Rock Bar and Grill, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 11
RA: Stool Stuffer probably

Hump the Shark likes to do it everywhere. Sometimes he takes us to the SE (his special lady friend’s stomping grounds) but today he went back to his roots: the En-Dubya.

Another job well done, Hump The Shark!

ON ON
PMS

Hares: “Sniffle” and “Fever Cheeks”
Where: Inglewood Parking Lot, Calgary, AB
On-In: The Dirty Duck (the pub formerly known as Swans), Calgary, AB
RA: Hardly
Attendance: 17

One of our hares had a Covid scare over the weekend but tested negative – twice – and proceeded to set her “farewell Covid” trail. Wouldn’t it have been just her luck? Catching Covid on the last days before March 1st (when Covid magically disappears as per Alberta new health regulations)? Wouldn’t it have SUCKED??!

Reports (by the very objective and impartial hares) are that the trail was GREAT, as featured in this photo they took:

Hardly RA’ed and didn’t miss anyone for down downs. Hash Shits exchanged hands and went from Skewbic Hair and Mucky Dip’s pasty paws to Mmmmh Ladyfingers and Camshaft’s bronzed mitts. It serves them right for rubbing their tan lines in everybody’s face…

Everybody (who’s anybody) wore their red “Keep Hashing and Carry On On!” shirt (but some like to be different…. AP!).

And then people went to the pub, and there was much rejoicing.

Carry ON ON!
PMS

Hares: Abandoned Pussy and Strap On Crampon
Where: Mackenzie Towne Gate & Mackenzie Towne Link, Calgary, AB
On-In: Kilt & Caber Ale House, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 10 (incl. 3 visitors and 1 virgin)

T’was another chilly night in the great white north and only true hashers are committed enough to come out when Weather Canada issues Extreme Cold Warnings.

We had visitors from Canmore, a virgin and wildlife on trail! What else could you ask for?

On On!
PMS

Hares: Scoobie and the Return of the Dastardly
Where: Southland Leisure Centre, Calgary, AB
On-In: Swigs Pub & Grill, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 10?? That’s it?!
RA: Tighty Whitey

Well, well, well. Look what the hare dragged in. If it isn’t Dastardly.

It is fitting that these two BFF’s would get bromantic on V-Day and set trail together, with marks as “special” as their special relationship.

Scoob promised a trail “easy to find, hard to follow”, whatever that means. Although Snevil was heard saying: “There were 4 true trail runners, and [the hares] lost us….”.

Attendance was quite low this week, maybe on account of it being Valentine’s Day?? King Shit posited that attendees included a handful of singletons, two hash couples (the Har-ty and the Skew-ky) and people who have been hashing for sooo long that their partners probably kicked them out of the house (King Shit, Snevil and Tighty Whitey).

In honour of Valentine’s Day, Hardly and Twisty both went down on trail, but not on each other. It is said that everyone went down on this trail… Lucky trail! It was so slippery that it gave some hashers ideas for a new Olympic event.

Tighty Whitey was RA. He says he was “awesome” (his own words). Yet others said that he handled things hard and fast. It’s all a matter of perspective.

On On!
PMS

Hares: Booty Camp and Snow Blower
Where: Rotary Park NE, Calgary, AB
On In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 18

While some f&^%ers were sucking on piña coladas somewhere hot (and rubbing our faces in it), the rest of us were slumming it, not able to travel anywhere – or worse: self isolating on account of the ‘Vid!

But luckily for us, we have the BootyBlower, the hashing Power couple whose trails always offer us a dream and escape from dreary daily drudgery.

ON ON!
PMS

Hares: Stool Stuffer (and Rashy Bush)
Where: Bumblebee Park, Calgary, AB
Attendance: 13

Here’s another hare who is really pulling his weight during this pandemic; he sets more than his fair share of trails. The name of the run is a little dramatic. No, no one is leaving for good. Stoolie (and Rashy) just set the final run in January before fucking off to to Mexico to drink the Corona for a few weeks. Let’s hope they don’t rub it in our face with unending Facebook posts of sunshine, sea and margaritas.

Hashers present:
Oozle Pizzle Panties
Lying Sack Of Shit
King Shit
Liquor Lots
Hump the Shark
Slippy Thong
Skewbic Hair
Mucky Dip
Lay ‘em In Snow
Hardly
Twisted Sister
Stool Stuffer
Dastardly

The hare said only a small portion of the trail was icy and that runners probably wouldn’t need spikes.

TURNS OUT, the trail was 80% pure ice, and spikes were definitely needed . Liquor Lots and Hardly both went down (not on each other) in different parts of the trail. LL even has the war wounds to show for it.

OPP forgot how to use her headlamp so was made fun of for that. Yet somehow, she managed to offload the hash shit that she had since October!

Scooby’s hash shit went to his beautiful wife. She was punished for excessive fraternization with the walkers (pick a side, Mucky!!).

Scooby was only hash shit-less for 2 minutes as he inherited OPP’s, for reasons unclear, other than the fact that we like to punish Scooby.

The hares not only set trail, but also brought the beer for regroup, which they chilled. A real classy move on their part. They also arranged for an On In at 722 World Bier Haus.

ON ON!
PMS