All posts by PMS

2290 – Can Crusher’s Debutante Trail

Hares: Can Crusher (with probable help from mom AP)
Where: Can Crusher’s Crib, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 18

We had virgins,
And vi-si-tors
At our hash,
At our hash
Had to get them drunked up
Had to get them drunked up
Down the hatch
Down the hatch

This is what our hash mattress told me anyway, not being present myself. Liquor Lots: “We had 5 visitors/new boots today! 2 from Lagos, Nigeria, and their daughter and her spouse who live in Auburn Bay. And one from Barbados. They were all awesome.”

I’m going to take a wild guess as to who was who.

Poor visitor is getting his ear talked off by Roaring Nancy. We’ll never see him again! In the meantime, while back at the trampoline, the hare is bouncing her little bum off.
The hares

To finish off on a high, here’s a picture posted by Maple, dating back to the 20th century. Regrettably, the most interesting bits have been censored.

Dastardly, third from left and Maple (? really??) on the right.

On On!
PMS

2289 – Canada Day Run

Hares: “Special Guest Hares”
Where: Big Al’s Bar & Grill, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 18 (16 + two ½ pints)

Oh Can of Beer
I hold within my hand
Tall, slim and cold
Beloved throughout Hashland
With foaming heads
We see thee rise
Ales, Lagers, Draughts and Stouts
From locals to imported brews
We cannot do without
Hares keep our beers
Smooth, chilled and cheap
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee
Oh can of Beer
We run the Hash for thee!

On this Canada Day, Hardly came up with a wonderful idea. The “Special Guest hares” were none other than us! This was a pick-up hash were one volunteer live hares the beginning of trail. If (when) he/she gets “caught”, the catcher becomes the hare and so on.

Despite tropical temperatures, we managed to run close to 6k. Dastardly kindly brought jello shots and ice creams for the regroup, as well as his legendary Beergarita and warm mystery swill!

· Maple – for once – was able to stay for down downs and he got a down down for his 434th run (in lieu of all the milestone runs he didn’t stick around to get his down down for). It suggested (by me) that he get the 400th run award right after PMS (me) gets it, so that she (I) doesn’t have to store it in her (my) condo.
· Rashy Bush was noted for her excellent fashion sense in sporting a “French Run” shirt. It’s the little black dress of running shirts; it works for every occasion, if I say so moi-même.

On On!
PMS

2288 – School’s Out for Summer Annual Run

Hares: Ms Cheeks (Hot) and Ms Pussy (Abandoned)
Hare in absentia: Ms Spanker (involved in no way, shape or form)
Where: Bebo Grove, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 28! A full class

Attendance declines towards the end of the school year and this is true for teachers also; PMS (yours truly) is missing this whole last week (and was therefore also absent at this momentous yearly event).

Luckily Hot Cheeks and AP picked up the slack and hared a short but action-packed trail. They designed a test of people’s ability to cross water and offered no accommodation for vertically challenged people. This resulted in varied impact on the tall and the short.

A new onesie (of shame?) appeared. I’m assuming it was provided by the hares? Alternatively, it may have been provided by Lying Sack of Shit who was spotted wearing it at the beginning of trail.

So, as of Friday:

We got no class (not that we ever do)
And we got no principals (or principles)
And we got no innocence (not anymore)

On On!
PMS

2287 – Q: Who wears short shorts?

A: Daisy Duke (the hare)
Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 16

It’s unfortunate that this week’s weather was reminiscent of March weather with its drizzle and single-digit temps. These were not the best conditions to bare your legs and your midriff (in true Daisy Duke fashion). Only 16 hashers showed up and some didn’t even run. There may even have been some “bashers” (Hot*cough*Cheeks).

This allowed for Mucky Dip to be FRB for a while. She’s starting to like the feeling.

Liquor Lots, Slippy Thong and Hot Cheeks were punished for Race-ism as they entered an *actual* race over the weekend. Liquor Lots even proceeded to post about it on the Hash Faceplace Group… If that isn’t a hash-shittable offense, I don’t know what is. Although, in fairness, all the hash shits are sitting in Skoob’s garage so there are none to pass around.

Speaking of FRB… While hashing in New York for their 2000th run, we learned a new acronym: FBI= First Bitch In. ???? Heeeeey, it’s race-ist AND sexist! ????

Roaring Nancy was noted for losing his marbles as he forgot the lyrics to the “S H I T T Y T R A I L” song, even though it is sung – mostly undeservedly – Every. Freaking. Week.

The hare chose his favourite new brewery. It is conveniently located near a barber shop (Omar’s) and a storefront called “Just Barbs” which makes us wonder what it sells. (A quick Google job shows that a missing apostrophe is all it takes to take this place from a hair salon that belongs to Barb to a shop possibly selling barb wire/fish hooks. It is the former.)

Not many tales emanated from this week’s trail, so…

On On!
PMS

2286 – Pyro ❤️ Bush

Hares: Pyro (the brain) & Insane Bolt (the legs)
Where: Villa D’Esta (12 Mile Coulee), Calgary, AB
On-In: Last Straw Ale House, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 22

The announced hare for tonight was Pyro (by his lonesome). Trail was indeed his brain child, but having injured himself (how??), he hired the services of his son-in-law to actually physically set it. “Insane-the-Sado-Masochist-Bolt” probably went the (literal) extra mile and marked longer check backs than mapped out by Pyro.

Thanks to cleverly marked circle jerks her athleticism, Mucky Dip got to FRB on a couple of occasions.

Unfortunately, the assistant to the hare Insane Bolt sent her off trail (down a check back) which led her to finishing DFL again. Normally she does this all on her own!

Trail was beautiful, with many ups and downs, and regroup at the end had many down downs.

Yet another successful trail for the Calgary Hash House Harriers.

On On!
PMS

2285 – The Last Minute Trail

Hares: Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Rotary Park NE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Fiddler’s Courtyard, Calgary, AB
RA: On-In
Attendance: 26

Following a desperate post from our Hash Mattress that announced the end of the Hash unless someone stepped up to hare this Monday, two ballsy members came forward and agreed to set trail at the last hour.

From my experience, last minute hares set trails that are (counter intuitively) inversely proportionate in length to the length of the notice they got. Meaning: little notice long trail. Out of spite. Because that‘ll teach us.

This principle proved true this evening as I my internal GPS clocked tonight’s trail at nearly 9K. (8.87km to be precise. My internal GPS is *very * accurate)

Trail was beautiful; the hare was inspired. Some say he was on *fire*, so much so that he actually set some part of trail on fire and 6 firetrucks had to be called to put it out.

Hung Loose (or “Well Hung” as On-In likes to call him – he must have inside information) resurfaced after months in hiding.
Newly named Covered in Goo came out again, so he wasn’t totally put off by the name.

On On!
PMS

2284 – The Run that Hardly Happened (foreboding run name)

Hares: Dastardly and On-In
Where: Ogden Boat Launch SE, Calgary, AB
On-In: Ogden Whistle Pub, Calgary, AB
RA: Skewbic Hair
Attendance: 25

This scribe loves it when scribblings write themselves (or, more accurately, when hares post long-winded details about the run on Facebook).

<copy> <paste>

[The Ogden Boat Launch is a] newly improved and otherwise pretty much unused parking area highly suitable for after run refreshments.

The planned run [was said to have] two river crossings, [was going to] 8km long and [promised to go] where no hash trail has gone before. [Hashers – self included – got very excited and did not] want to miss out on the excitement and inherent risks of hashing through virgin territory!

The area was relatively small, so to prevent Frops from blowing through a checkback and finding true trail when they were not supposed to, Monday’s trail [apparently had] no checkbacks. It [was supposed to have] instead six Turkey Checks. These [supposedly had] an arrow pointing in the direction of true trail the pack is expected NOT to follow.

For slower runners these checks also [were rumored to have] a number representing how many hundreds of meters of true trail they [could] cut off. This [was supposed to] cut true trail down from 8 km to 5 km.

There [were] no playgrounds on trail but [we were promised] lots of other interesting things and places to look at and wonder about.

<resume Scribe mode>

OK, so this is what was promised. In hindsight, and reading through the lines, maybe it was clear that trail wasn’t going to be traditional shiggy. Instead, we were given solid pavement pounding (with some gravel and train tracks), detritus, nasty smells and VERY confusing and/or invisible markings.

Still, where the hare spoke the truth is that trail was indeed 8k. A horrible, stinky 8k. 😉 I say this with the utmost respect for Dastardly who normally delivers the BEST, most epic trails. Even Dastardly is allowed the occasional fuck up.

The regroup was back at the parking lot and that is where down downs occurred.

T’was Lazy Cummer (who came late)’s birthday.

On On!
PMS

2283 – 83-23: 40th Anniversary Run

Hares: Hardly, Twisted Sister
Guest Hare: Hash Test Dummy
(yes, that’s right Hash Test. I too am splitting hares)
Where: 2716 16 St SE Calgary, AB
On-In: Cold Garden Brewing, Calgary, AB
What: Run starting from the run #1 starting point,
followed by a picnic and libations.
RA: On In/Dastardly
Attendance: 41

40 years ago, a couple of accountants changed the face of the Calgary r*nning and drinking scene by starting their own chapter of the Hash House Harriers. Here we are, 2282 runs later, celebrating 4 decades of uninterrupted weekly Monday night trails.

The CH3 was founded by Mike “Oombala” Carr and other accountants, mainly from Clarkson Gordon (now Ernst & Young). “Oombala” got his Hash “training” in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Their first run was on May 30, 1983; starting from The Portuguese Society of Calgary, 2716 – 16th Street S.E., Calgary. There were 15 people at Calgary’s first run and the Hares were Mike Carr and Mike Manderson. Mike Carr now lives (but no longer Hashes) in Houston, Texas. Mike Manderson lives in Aberdeen, Scotland and also no longer Hashes. Stuart “On-In” Crichton is the only hasher left who was at the first run

Today, the hares made us start from the original starting point of run #1. They took us around Ramsay/Inglewood, through grassy patches riddled by gophers. Trail was under 5K and ended near Pearce Estate Park. Unfortunately, Dastardly dropped the balls and forgot to bring the beers to the regroup!

The Hash Gods blessed us with great sunny weather and kindly waited until the end of the picnic to start the drizzling.

Around 40 hashers gathered for this special anniversary run, including two last minute visitors who normally hash in Australia. They are experienced hashers and commented that despite having hashed 5 continents, this was their first time penetrating a gopher hole. Other visitors include Dark Side of the Moon and Bubble Boy from Edmonton. Archives were Krusty, Whale Wanker and Coq Titty.

Visitors:

On On!
PMS

2282 – May Tutu Tutu Ate Too

Hares: Camshaft & Mmm…Ladyfingers!
Where: Bowmont Dog Park, Calgary, AB
On-In: Mmmmmh Lady Fingers & Camshaft’s Abode, Calgary, AB
RA: On In
Attendance: 26

‘Twas a special run, run 2282. Not only was it on Victoria Day, which happened to fall on a 22 (tutu), but it was also MLFBD Eve (the eve of Mmmmmh Lady Finger’s Birthday).

Cam Shaft was resolved to give us the B.E.S.T and longest of trails but Mother Nature had other plans. The torrential downpour cut the trail-setting short and washed off some of the markings.

Nonetheless, what the hares did manage to set was absolutely glorious. And Mother Nature blessed us with the most beautiful weather as we ran trail. Regroup was cut short by the return of the rain but we all met in the hares’ garage for down downs and burgers.

On On!
PMS

2281 – Happy Birthday, F*uck you!

Hares: Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks, Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Royal Sunalta Park SW, Calgary, AB
Original On-In: Two House Brewing SW, Calgary, AB
New updated On-In: Tailgunner Brewing, Calgary, AB


Birthday Girl Hot Cheeks celebrated in style by setting trail with the Boo-Blow, the hash’s sexiest couple.

Luckily, trail happened the night before the big smoke cloud engulfed Calgary and we were still able to run rather unimpeded, save for the stifling heat. True trail was supposedly 5.7k but some hashers ran over a kilometer worth of check backs! (You’re welcome! 😉

The original On-In location had to be adjusted due to mechanical failure on site. Birthday revelers ended up cumming together at Tailgunner Brewing to celebrate’s Hot Cheeks 35th birthday.

Hot Cheeks really wanted to be in the picture. You win!

On On!
PMS