Hares: Slippy Thong (and Lying Sack of Shit) Where: 403 Local, Calgary, AB Attendance: 18 RA: On In
Unfortunately for Slippy, her chalk-marked trail got completely washed away by that afternoon’s torrential downpour. Luckily, her knight in a shitty sack volunteered to reset the trail as “deferred live hare” (meaning he didn’t quite “live hare” it, but re-marked it with a 20 minutes head start).
The hares promised shiggy and they gave us some mud, a (premature for the season) river crossing and a guard goose!
Hare: OPP and Liquor Lots Where: Moose McGuire Pub, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 29
So this run was an attempt to hijack the yearly “School’s Out for Summer” run (hared by CH3’s best teachers). (That’s right, that’s us giving you a dirty look, OPP!) OPP, however, in an interesting twist, offered the same concept but from a student’s perspective. No one really knows what schooling she finished. She just wants to forget it all.
The hares
OPP and Liquor Lots paired up – again! – to give us the hottest run of the year (literally *and* figuratively)! Because school’s out (for OPP), she was running low on chalk and marks were few and far between. Still we managed to find our way, mostly thanks to Hardly’s Spidey-Senses.
Hares, rather than do a proper sweep (as a good hare should do…) were caught short cutting and sitting on the grass on a couple of occasions.
Liquor Lots and (not a hare) Rashy Bush
Speaking of Hardly: at one point, it was noted that Hardly was just *too big* and couldn’t fit (that’s what she said).
We had a New Boot: Felipe* who was recruited by Just 10 Beaver, Hot Cheeks and Slippy Thong? Those three apparently attend another weekly running/drinking event (with cooler, younger and more attractive attendees?). We’re hoping not to have turned Felipe off.
After the run, choir was held by CYHMN and Hardly (him again!) who had brought his good book of hymns.
Down Downs included:
King Shit’s milestone run: 1600 runs! This legend drank his full yard of beer without hesitation or pause and without a single droplet ending anywhere else but his belly. Props!
Stool Stuffer and Slippy Thongs were punished for their arrogance in thinking they could get away with wearing new footwear to a hash.
On On PMS
*Felipe was originally erroneously referred to as “Enrique”. This scribe’s brain mixed up her new Mexican neighbour, “Enrique”, with our New Boot “Felipe”. Apoligies to our New Boot.
Hare: Dastardly Where: Cat ‘n Fiddle, Calgary, AB RA: Skewbic Hair Attendance: 50!
For this important and momentous event, our hare changed the rules a bit.
This week, trail was no secret. We were aiming for Lem’s house(s) via Queen’s Park Cemetery. Dastardly promised us a long one.
Only a few check backs were set on this special run to allow for extra running/ beer credits (the official exchange rate is 1 mile = 1 beer).
We had an amazing turnout of hashers and plenty of muggles too. People came from far and wide to commemorate our dearest Lem. Whale Wanker came from Lethbridge, Lost in Space from the Hat and Tommy TwoFinger came all the way from Coronation! Flash Pants came from Montreal, although it is said she was in town on business.
The walkers in front of Lem’s last project.
Run started promptly at 7pm too allow for everyone to be back in time for the live entertainment at the bar.
Tim Huss
A slideshow was put together with 293 photos of Lem! Here are 9 of the best:
Lem the handsome hasherLem the skierLem the dog loverLem the Green ThumbLem the Folk Fest volunteerLem the croqueteerLem the beer aficionadoLem the orange food group connoisseurLem the overall good time
Hare: Hump the Shark Where: Sandy McNabb Trailhead, Kananaskis, AB T0L 1K0 RA: Skewbic Hair Attendance: 17
For the first time in a reaaaally long time (2017?), a Rocky Mountain trail was set. Hump the Shark chose what turned out to be a beautiful April day to do so. In addition, it was April 22nd – i.e. 2-2, and this constitutes an excuse to wear a tutu, which hashers go out of their way to do.
We had a small contingent of die hard hashers, a new boot and a representative of the next generation.
Trail was HORSESHIT, nay (neigh)… BULLSHIT. It was truly shitty, like… literally. There were all kinds of animal droppings along trail (deer, horse, cow… bear probably). Hump gave us lots of other shiggy too: snow, mud, and shrubbery. And views! So many epic views!
After the run, orange food group and hamburgers made their appearance, as well as libations. Despite the scribe’s excellent recommendation to go for Coors Light (the official beer of the Rocky Mountains – best served Rocky Mountain ), the hares opted for the more conservative President’s choice Red Ale and IPA.
We finally had confirmation of what we always knew: Hump enjoys the meat. He takes twice as much meat as most:
Our hostess Kim finally was named and will henceforth answer to the name 2SOH (2Shits, One Hole)
Hare: Roaring Nancy Where: Sandy Beach Park, Calgary, AB T2T 2V8 RA: On In Attendance: 24
Roaring Nancy titillated our curiosity with this Run name. “What Era? Tell us what’s going on” quoth we last week. He remained tight lipped until the event itself.
It turns out that he is officially exiting the work force at the tender age of 65 (’twas his birthday, too!). Geriatric Roaring Nancy is therefore now in “assisted haring” territory, incapable of covering the distance all by himself. Young Dastardly (our perma-hare) offered his assistance and they both came up with a complicated (and oh-so-funny) new set of marks for this “new age” trail.
On-on: R for Retirement
Check: Circle with “I” inside – Investing / Investigating
Check back: Circle with X and NR inside – Non-Registered / Non-receipt of further marks
Playground: CPP – Canada Pension Plan / Children’s Play Place
Viewpoint: OAP – Old Age Pensioner / Outdoor Aesthetic Place (This UK term may change before you get there to something more Canadian – OAS – Old Age Security / Outdoor Aesthetic Scene)
Turkey Trail – ER – Early Retirement from an unplanned bushwhacking section now part of the official trail only a true hasher will appreciate.
Regroup: RRSP or Refreshment Regroup Special Place
Most hashers *did* appreciate the bushwhacking although it is said that many harrierettes ended up with unwanted pricks in various body parts.
Sandy Beach is close to Roaring Nancy’s old house so he unsurprisingly had us run past it.
We also ran though 4 or 5 playground, where everyone played with themselves:
But some of the structures got the best of crossfitter Hot Quickie:
All in all, it was a successful trail. Happy Birthday FUCK YOU, Roaring Nancy!
The hares this week undeniably gave us the mother of all trail, the trail of the century, the greatest trail in history! Objectively. The hares included PMS and her delightful offspring Bah Bah Beer, who is undeniably the best, cutest, most special kid ever.
Trail consisted of a mix of trail running and pavement pounding to satisfy all types and it was neither too short nor to long. Some might say it was just right.
The shiggy was a delightful and surprising mix of slush puddles, snow, mud and ice to keep hashers on their toes – or not – as proved by Hot Cheeks:
A couple of hashers felt the need to complain about the danger and adversity they faced whilst on trail. They complained more than the co-hare, who is – in fact – a nine year old child.
Bah Bah Beer on admittedly the most treacherous part of trail
Luckily, the pack was blessed with some of the best weather in recent hash memory so that was a bonus.
Today saw the return of newbie Brae (let’s hope we can make her cum again) and the visit of archives: “expats” Pull My Woodie and Sticky Lips, and busy bee Lof-T Prancer.
Skewbic Hair celebrated his 1050th run, while Hot Cheeks celebrated her 469th. Get a life, you two.
Hares: Abandoned Pussy Where: Lighthouse Pub, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 27
AP ❤️ DP (Double Plotting) This week, AP is double fisting and setting not one, but two trails, on both ends (of the week): 1) the regular Monday trail (front end of the week); 2) the Bad Thursday Full Moon Trail (back end).
AP has a thing for shiggy, and both trails start from or near Fish Creek. Alas tonight, AP had us circling the rim and we never got real deep into the Crick.
I wonder if some of the art on trail inspired the shape of her run?
She claims her small bladder is to blame for the length of the run (nearing 9k) as she had to pee and took the trail in the direction of the nearest public washroom.
We had a couple of noobs this week, John and Brae. They held their own and proved to be real keeners as both of them were FRB’ing at one point or another.
LiQUOR Lots celebrated her 150th and she received her long awaited sharpied red cap that no doubt got thrown in the garbage the second she got home.
We thought she was gon(orrhoea), but she’s baaack! The Clap is BACK! And on International Viagra Day, no less. Trust Skewb or King Shit to know this anniversary date (the day the FDA approved the use of the little blue pill as an oral medication for erectile dysfunction).
Restoring blood flow down south since March 27, 1998
Incidentally, March 27th also happens to be:
another one of King Shit’s favourite things!
?Crop tops on ladies and whisky from Britain? ?Blue little pills and scribblings well-written? ?Blue cheese dressing on suicide wings? ?These are a few of Poo’s favourite things?
For International Viagra Day however, whoever posted the run on the website suggested we all dress in blue to “celebrate” this momentous day. ?
Three of our own (Daisy, Hardly, Jump the Shark) were caught on camera playing with themselves in a playground area. The shame.
Hares: Miss(ing) Daisy Duke, Skewbic Hare and – who else? – Dastardly Where: Stonyslope Brewing, Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 28
Technically, Daisy Duke wasn’t missing but as hare, he clearly dropped the ball(s) as he was unavailable to set his own trail!
Trail ended up being the brainchild of – who else? – Dastardly (get a life!), and was aptly executed by Skewbie. They took us through many ice covered back alleys where crampons were a must.
Unfortunately our Texan visitor McPisser was woefully ill-equipped and – in an attempt to stay alive – ended up with the walkers.
The On In was a wonderful new brewery in Haysboro. Five Stars!
On On! PMS
On an unrelated note, PMS went to Toronto for the TWAT. PMS had a good time with the TWAT. The TWAT was warm and hospitable. Go check out Toronto’s TWAT if you get the chance.
Hares: Just-10 Beaver with “guidance” from Dastardly Where: The Weaselhead Bar and Grill Calgary, AB RA: On In Attendance: 22
Dastardly always enjoys de”flour”ing nubile young harrierettes and show them the ins and outs of setting trail. In this sense, he’s taken on Pyro’s old job.
The hares
Dastardly is a master baiter: he knows exactly how to turn the pack around and take us most unpredictable routes. Hopefully he let Just-10 have a say and she came out of this experience with added expertise.
The hares took us through many playgrounds:
Someone went down on trailWhat an athlete!
Hash Test Dummy finally resurfaced from down under and kindly brought a little gift back for ball-breaker AP.
A brand new ball for AP, who is said to have no balls left.
Another nubile young harrierette for Dastardly to get his paws on.
On On! PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
), the hares opted for the more conservative President’s choice Red Ale and IPA.
