It’s that time of year again, when it becomes socially acceptable for people to shamelessly give way to their addiction and lack of restraint: yes indeed, it’s girl guide cookie season again. And King Shit has undoubtedly purchased 10 boxes of Vanilla/Chocolate Creme Cookies, all in the name of encouraging young female entrepreneurship. Our hare OPP acknowledges her shameless plug to peddle her daughter’s product on our website. Bring your money, do your bit.
The hares were so sure of the quality of their trail, they guaran-f*ckn-teed it would make us WET 💦. We were told to bring a change of undergarments.
The hares gave us wood, in fact.
Also, hashers were told that there was a glory hole on trail, which Liquor Lots enjoyed fingering, apparently.
No everyone wanted to get wetThis is what the walkers call “rocking it”.the o’haresIrish down downs
ON ON! PMS
Throwback Monday: PMS, Third Erection, Rhoda Dick (2011)
Hunky Humpy did a great trail Hunky Humpy had a great ale All of the hashers and every hariette Really enjoyed that trail that he set!
Hump the Shark likes to do it everywhere. Sometimes he takes us to the SE (his special lady friend’s stomping grounds) but today he went back to his roots: the En-Dubya.
Some people complained that the driving time to the start of trail he advertised on the Facebook page was misleading and erroneous. At these gas prices, hashers like to plan ahead!!
But weirdly, no one complained that he had us run on an ice rink. Not even Stool Stuffer, who just came back from a month long vacation in Mexico!
Hares: “Sniffle” and “Fever Cheeks” Where: Inglewood Parking Lot, Calgary, AB On-In: The Dirty Duck (the pub formerly known as Swans), Calgary, AB RA: Hardly Attendance: 17
One of our hares had a Covid scare over the weekend but tested negative – twice – and proceeded to set her “farewell Covid” trail. Wouldn’t it have been just her luck? Catching Covid on the last days before March 1st (when Covid magically disappears as per Alberta new health regulations)? Wouldn’t it have SUCKED??!
Reports (by the very objective and impartial hares) are that the trail was GREAT, as featured in this photo they took:
The hares had the pack run through a PG so that hashers could play (not with themselves for once).
Front running bastards (and other early finishers) couldn’t wait to get into the beers so Sucks Everything got his “Slim Jim” out (that’s what she said) and broke into Skewb’s car to get to the regroup beer.
Hardly RA’ed and didn’t miss anyone for down downs. Hash Shits exchanged hands and went from Skewbic Hair and Mucky Dip’s pasty paws to Mmmmh Ladyfingers and Camshaft’s bronzed mitts. It serves them right for rubbing their tan lines in everybody’s face…
Mmmmm Ladyfingers can send you pics of her other tan lines if you ask her nicely.
Everybody (who’s anybody) wore their red “Keep Hashing and Carry On On!” shirt (but some like to be different…. AP!).
even in France!
And then people went to the pub, and there was much rejoicing.
Let’s all sit together and have a chat. What’s the worst that can happen?
Hares: Daisy Deux-ke (what a Cutie Patwotie) Where: Sandy Beach Park – West Access, Calgary, AB T2T 2V2 On-In: Wild Rose Brewing, Calgary, AB Attendance: 22 (no it wasn’t, but let’s just say it was)
Looks like someone cooked the books for this run. Run #2222, on 22/2/22?? What a koinkidenk! The hares planned a run of 2.2+km with a start time of 7:22pm.
What wasn’t pre-planned however, is that the temperature at that time proved 2 be a serendipitous -22°C.
T’was another chilly night in the great white north and only true hashers are committed enough to come out when Weather Canada issues Extreme Cold Warnings.
We had visitors from Canmore, a virgin and wildlife on trail! What else could you ask for?
Hares: Scoobie and the Return of the Dastardly Where: Southland Leisure Centre, Calgary, AB On-In: Swigs Pub & Grill, Calgary, AB Attendance: 10?? That’s it?! RA: Tighty Whitey
Well, well, well. Look what the hare dragged in. If it isn’t Dastardly.
🎵Guess who’s back, back again? Das’dly’s back, tell a friend 🎶
It is fitting that these two BFF’s would get bromantic on V-Day and set trail together, with marks as “special” as their special relationship.
Scoob promised a trail “easy to find, hard to follow”, whatever that means. Although Snevil was heard saying: “There were 4 true trail runners, and [the hares] lost us….”.
Supposedly, lots of preparation went into setting this trail: hares went on and on and ooooon about how it took them 2 ½ hours to set.
Attendance was quite low this week, maybe on account of it being Valentine’s Day?? King Shit posited that attendees included a handful of singletons, two hash couples (the Har-ty and the Skew-ky) and people who have been hashing for sooo long that their partners probably kicked them out of the house (King Shit, Snevil and Tighty Whitey).
We did have a couple of bashers: in true royal fashion, Hash-friendly Kim waved at admirers from her balcony. She was happy to join the pack for post run revelries but she won’t expand any energy going from A to B on anything but a bike or skis.
Another basher was Mucky Dip, who ran from her house at the end of down downs.
The paparazzi, waiting for her Royal Highness Kim
In honour of Valentine’s Day, Hardly and Twisty both went down on trail, but not on each other. It is said that everyone went down on this trail… Lucky trail! It was so slippery that it gave some hashers ideas for a new Olympic event.
Tighty Whitey was RA. He says he was “awesome” (his own words). Yet others said that he handled things hard and fast. It’s all a matter of perspective.
While some f&^%ers were sucking on piña coladas somewhere hot (and rubbing our faces in it), the rest of us were slumming it, not able to travel anywhere – or worse: self isolating on account of the ‘Vid!
But luckily for us, we have the BootyBlower, the hashing Power couple whose trails always offer us a dream and escape from dreary daily drudgery.
For instance, today’s trail basically took the pack all around Texas… kinda…
They gave us hills and viewpoints.
Who needs “Mehico” when we’ve got such a crew of cool cats right here at home?
Mucky Dip, athlete extraordinaire, unfairly punished for being Front Running Harrierette.
Hares: Stool Stuffer (and Rashy Bush) Where: Bumblebee Park, Calgary, AB Attendance: 13
Here’s another hare who is really pulling his weight during this pandemic; he sets more than his fair share of trails. The name of the run is a little dramatic. No, no one is leaving for good. Stoolie (and Rashy) just set the final run in January before fucking off to to Mexico to drink the Corona for a few weeks. Let’s hope they don’t rub it in our face with unending Facebook posts of sunshine, sea and margaritas.
Hashers present: Oozle Pizzle Panties Lying Sack Of Shit King Shit Liquor Lots Hump the Shark Slippy Thong Skewbic Hair Mucky Dip Lay ‘em In Snow Hardly Twisted Sister Stool Stuffer Dastardly
“Hares lie” – Snevil
The hare said only a small portion of the trail was icy and that runners probably wouldn’t need spikes.
TURNS OUT, the trail was 80% pure ice, and spikes were definitely needed . Liquor Lots and Hardly both went down (not on each other) in different parts of the trail. LL even has the war wounds to show for it.
OPP forgot how to use her headlamp so was made fun of for that. Yet somehow, she managed to offload the hash shit that she had since October!
Scooby’s hash shit went to his beautiful wife. She was punished for excessive fraternization with the walkers (pick a side, Mucky!!).
Scooby was only hash shit-less for 2 minutes as he inherited OPP’s, for reasons unclear, other than the fact that we like to punish Scooby.
The hares not only set trail, but also brought the beer for regroup, which they chilled. A real classy move on their part. They also arranged for an On In at 722 World Bier Haus.
Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister (and probably Dastardly) Where: Confederation Park (again), Calgary, AB Attendance: 15 RA: Rashy Bush
Even though Dastardly wasn’t officially on the hares list, we all know he must have been involved somehow, since he can’t keep his dirty paws off of other people’s trails these days.
Hardly and Twisty (and Dastardly) are always very prepared and plan their trail weeks in advance. Yet, last week’s hares changed their start of trail to this exact same location at the last minute. This must have thrown Hardly and Twisty (and Dastardly) for a loop and made marking their trail that much harder.
Hares set trail on Sunday and warned everyone to bring their strap-ons and that there was a very high possibility of people going down on trail.
Head? who said head? I’ll have some of that!
Hares also suggested that hashers be ready to whip out their wood after trail.
No Milestones tonight but there was one New Boot. Her name is Christa. Let’s see if we scared her off or if we’re lucky enough to see her face back next week.
Hares: Daisy Duke and – who else – Dastardly! Where: Confederation Park, Calgary, AB Attendance: 20 RA: Rashy Bush
This week, shockingly, Dastardly (always the bridesmaid, never the bride) was co-hare, *yet again*. It sure looks like he has nothing better to do with himself. What is it, three in a row now? Four? More?
The weather forecast called for a steep drop in temperature right after the 7 o’clock circle up time. And then snow squalls happened, and wind gusts.
Apparently it was too windy for pictures, save for this gem:
Hot Cheeks cruising for cheap hookers. What does a fiver get you these days?
Regardless of weather, Daisy’s trails are always a surprise: some are short (but hard), while others are long (and hard). Some are growers, not showers*.
*throwback to 2012. Picture this: Daisy sets trail. After 5K of running, the pack comes back within spitting distance of the On In (bar). We all think it’s over. Yaaay, beer! But nah. He has us veer left and running for another 6K! Lemme tell ya: it’s been 10 years and I still haven’t forgiven him.
Maybe he’s learned from his sins because this time, he provided the group with a Turkey/Eagle split. Turkey/Eagle splits allow wannabe athletes to go for longer distances while the lazy asses take the shorter route. In this case Daisy Duke basically tour-guided the Turkeys along the Turkey trail, while Dastardly probably FRB’ed the Eagle trail, despite being hare.
Speaking of athletes: Slippy Thong and Lying Sack of Shit came back from their trip to Tanzania, hiking up Mt Kilimanjaro. Poor them. Sounds awful. Lying Sack mentioned how sorry he was to have missed the -38°C run from a few weeks back. Should we believe him? He is – after all – a Lying Sack of Shit.
This week again, walkers and Turkeys huddled up in their cars whilst awaiting the return of the prodigal Eagles.
Milestones: Bootie Camp celebrated her 269th (where was Snow Blower for this 69 action??)
Archives: Business in the Back is BACK. He finally deigned show his face (and his back) after weeeeeeks of absence.
On On! PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
