Hares : King Shit Where:Arthur O. Wheeler Hut, BC Attendance : 7 (as per BC health measures)
With views this breathtaking, no wonder this event warranted its own run number! (But really, it was only King Shit’s scheme to ensure he secures his lead in “most runs run at the Calgary Hash House Harriers”.)
5 Calgary Hashers and 2 Ottawa Hashers joined in this year’s CH3 hiking event at the ACC Wheeler Hut. It wasn’t all work and no play, though. There were libations too, judging by the photographic evidence left on the Facebook page.
Hares : Was there one? Lying Sack of Shit said he was… Where: Joyce on 4th, Calgary AB Attendance : 10
S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L, Shitty trail, (It sucked!) Shitty trail, (It really sucked!) The motherlover set a shitty trail; I’d rather drink another beer Than run your shitty trail. S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L
I guess that’s what we get for entrusting LSOS to “live hare” at the last minute! No one found trail. Thankfully only ten suckers showed up this week (and that’s including the hare!)
Let that be a lesson for everyone! People better sign up to hare.
Hares : Snevil and Hardly Where: Nose Hill, Calgary AB Attendance : 21
A bit of a bitter sweet event, as Snevil had her car broken into as she was setting trail! The loot? A bunch of hash clothes that would fit literally no one else but Sneevz herself. Oh, and a BEER! They stole a whole can of beer. No scruples, no honor.
We are narrowing it down to a few suspects. The usual.
“Hand me the BEER you f***ing c***sucker.”
The run was no doubt majestic, considering the experience and athleticism of your hares. Photos and more details will be added if anything is posted on social media. The pack is pretty tight lipped about this one…
AP invited the pack to enjoy Hull’s Wood this Monday night. (Who the hell is Hull anyway??) The evening was brisk, so there must have been significant shrinkage.
Regroup and down downs happened at the circle benches – where AP planned to “do cult like things, like sacrifice virgins” (her words). There are not reports of sacrificed virgins, however.
This scribe was not present, so here are some trail reviews found on Yelp:
Hot Cheeks “Shiggy was on point tonight! Lots of it and a fun trail! Drizzle for the down downs but of course with beer in hand, we did not melt. Thanks AP!!”
Skewbic Hair “That’s a pretty big piece of chalk!“
Hares : Princess Monkey Spanker Where: Boobie Grove (Bebo Grove), 13610 24 St SW, Calgary, AB Attendance : 30 + 3 half pints
Finally, PMS gets to talk about herself in the third person. She’s very pleased about that.
PMS opted to set one last trail mere days before she embarks on her European adventure. [Wave at the eastbound Westjet flight you see on Friday night (19:30ish)]
The hare was concerned for the pack’s health and well-being (the Air Quality Health Index was at 9 when trail was set), so hashers had the option to keep it short and sweet. Luckily the AQHI went way down to 3 by 7pm so keeners/race-ists were safely able to follow the Eagle trail if they so chose. The trail was absolutely stellar, if I do say so myself.
watch for ants
the weekly Mmmmh Ladyfingers selfie
Harrierette OPP “didn’t know” about the new shoe rule (i.e. you never wear new shoes hashing) and tried to pull the wool over the RA’s eyes by changing into her old runners for down downs. And a down down she got! From her old shoe! She took it like a champ, though. Basher Hung Loose showed up after the run in perfectly fitted 501’s and loafers, for which he got the new Hat Shit (Safety Third!). Wanting to atone for his sins, he even volunteered to drink out of his slip-on.
Oozy Pizzle Panties
Hung Loose
A milestone, a naming and a virgin this week: •Snow Blower has been blowing for 169 weeks. Lucky Booty Camp! • Business in the Back’s buddy David will henceforth be known to us as “Lazy Cummer“. He was supposedly too lazy to come when he and B.i.B went off trail and into the bushes. • Liquor Lots’s friend Alicia came out! She is unlikely to come back, as she is apparently moving to Bermuda! Fuck you, Alicia!
Hares : Dementia Where: Local 403, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE Attendance : 21
After over a year’s absence (I think?) Harrierette Dementia finally remembered about the hash and even offered to hare. Dementia’s trails are like a box of penises, you never know what you’re gonna get. This one was very short, yet Dementia was convinced that it was twice as long as what we measured.
Dementia also forgot how to mark and used a variety of marks such as batman masks and orange balloons.
A momentous milestone this week: Dastardly entered the new millennium. To celebrate his 1000th run, Dastardly was handed a yard of beer, which he downed with much aplomb.
The warm up
The size up
The bottoms up
In other news, we had a threesome of virgins: newly named “Business in the back” made his friend David come, Never Bin brought a friend (Jen?) and Rashy Bush brought the fruit of her loin (Anna?).
Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower Where:Murdoch Park, 9 St NE & Centre Ave NE Attendance : 26
The hash’s sexiest couple (the Boo-Blow) had the pack tickled pink with a delightful trail that would have made the Grand Ol’ Duke of York proud.
Because it was a holiday trail, most hashers were expecting a slightly shorter affair. But in a shocking turn of events, the Boo-Blow kept us going for over 5k. (This was the opposite scenario to last week’s short trail shocker.)
No milestones this week, but a hasher was Pabst™ized (i.e. named). This week, Just Jonathan finally managed to make himself come (without the assistance of Strap On Crampon). Few people recognized him as he had shed his facial hair and lost his mullet. He also made the BIG mistake of mentioning the Half-M-Word he ran a few weeks prior. A few names were briefly considered (1. Cums By Himself, 2. Half Wit), before settling on a winner (courtesy of Frogodile Hunter). John will henceforth be known to the hash as: “Business in the Back“.
Speaking of: after regroup, Froggie did some shady back alley deals that can honestly be described as “grabbing cans for pussies”. Make of it what you will.
Because no appears to have taken photos of the run, here is a pretty car that was sighted on trail.
Many hashers gasped with horror when they saw those two hares’ names combined for this Monday’s run. Some even conveniently found themselves suddenly “busy” with their “other friends” that night (ahem-Snevil&HotCheeks-ahem).
Shockingly, trail was no ball buster. Some technology relying race-ists may have even clocked it at a very reasonable 6.3km. To prove that they weren’t going soft on us, Pyro and Krusty *did* however provide us with mucky grounds, prickly bushes and steep hills.
Hump the Shark is a very dirty boy indeed
No milestones this week, but we had the visit of two virgins (whom Wet Spot and Cum Honor made come): Bjoern and Aline. Bjoern wanted to run with airpods in, but gave up on the idea after p̶e̶r̶s̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶̶̶r̶̶̶i̶̶̶b̶̶̶b̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶g̶̶̶ some guidance from the rest of the pack.
Also, archived Frogodile Hunter graced us with her presence. Regrettably, she found no frogodiles on trail.
Noobs Bjoern and Aline
Froggie’s back! (actually, that’s her front)
In other news, there were two episodes of alcohol abuse, for which the perpetrators were punished by abusing more alcohol.
Red Deer expats Cum Honor and Wet Spot (I wonder if their names and their coupling are a coincidence…) delighted Sticky Lips with the shortest fair weather hash in Calgary Hash History. They insisted that they were doing it the Red Deer way and they generously provided their own regroup beer.
Because the run was so short, nothing much happened on trail. Speaking of short, Lying Sack chose to relieve (and expose!) himself in full view of young and impressionable harrierettes. He defended himself by arguing that there wasn’t “anything to see”.
No milestones this week, but run 2175 saw the first cumming of JC (thanks to Lof-T Prancer). Now we’re all nervously awaiting his second cumming. “The hour and the day no man knoweth” (D&C 49:7), although one might speculate that it would be on a Monday, at 7pm.
For our yearly Stampede Campout, Lay’em organized a fantastic weekend at a legendary Alberta venue. The Last Chance Saloon is where the Jackie Chan movie “Shanghai Noon” was filmed. This 100 year old hotel has bullet holes in the walls of the bar. It is supposed to be haunted, so we recommended that only our bravest hashers stay there. I believe all opted to camp in the back of the hotel near the creek.
Fun fact: the hotel is owned by a former Calgary and Edmonton hasher: “RV” (Dave Arsenault).
The hotel manager Paula wanted to partake in a Midnight Naked Run (as that’s something hashers indulge in) but there is no evidence that such an event took place this year (yet I have it on good authority that it did).
Here are some things that did take place and for which there is photographic evidence:
Slippy Thong: part hasher, part mountain goat
On-On!
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
