Special Event

2174 – Anal Stampede Campout

Hares : Lay’em in Snow
Where: Last Chance Saloon, Wayne, Alberta
Attendance : 16

For our yearly Stampede Campout, Lay’em organized a fantastic weekend at a legendary Alberta venue. The Last Chance Saloon is where the Jackie Chan movie “Shanghai Noon” was filmed. This 100 year old hotel has bullet holes in the walls of the bar. It is supposed to be haunted, so we recommended that only our bravest hashers stay there. I believe all opted to camp in the back of the hotel near the creek.

Fun fact: the hotel is owned by a former Calgary and Edmonton hasher: “RV” (Dave Arsenault).

The hotel manager Paula wanted to partake in a Midnight Naked Run (as that’s something hashers indulge in) but there is no evidence that such an event took place this year (yet I have it on good authority that it did).

Here are some things that did take place and for which there is photographic evidence:

  • Slippy Thong: part hasher, part mountain goat

On-On!

Run

2173 – Daisy Duke in chaps

Hares : Stool Stuffer & Daisy Duke
Where: 403 Local Eatery, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE
Attendance : 22

Judging by the photos, it was a good run followed by a fun “near normal” on-in, complete with patio sitting and singing.

No milestones this week but a NAMING:

  1. Relative newbie Tom will henceforth be known as “Broken Woody”.

The story behind the name is supposedly perfectly innocent, but no one is buying it.

  • Just a wee dram.
  • Broken Woody and Troublemaker in the back
  • spread ’em, cowgirl!

On-On!

Special Event

Flapjack-OFF 15

Hares : Skewbic Hare and Mucky Dip
Where: North Glenmore Park (66 Ave and 37 St SW)

This special event was part of Run Calgary’s virtual r-word series.

For the race-ists who registered, the idea was to run around the reservoir (for a total of 15k). For those that just wanted to go for a nice virtual run with Hashing pals, it was suggested that they stop at the halfway point (Scoobie and Mucky’s) for refreshments and a post-run BBQ. Scoobie provided wiener for all and tossed salad.

On-On!

Run

2172 – Calgary, Unmasked!

Hares : Cam Shaft and Mmm… Lady Fingers
Where: Varsity Acres Park
Attendance : 22

Always knew these two were swingers.

A radical change in weather from the previous few runs. This one was a WET ONE. A few things happened: trail was run, beers were drunk, songs were sung, ridiculous headgear was worn and tomfoolery took place.

On-On!

Run

2171 – July 1 Run

Hares : Twisted Sister, Hardly, Rashy Bush and Stool Stuffer
Where: Nose Hill Park (Peckers Point), 5620 14 St NW
Attendance : 19

Hardly looks like he’s breathing rather heavily, no?

This run tied last Monday’s run as the HOTTEST run of the year. I’m told* it was a short one and people gathered for some backside fun afterwards. I’m unsure whether Stool Stuffer got his meat out this time, but I sort of remember Hardly and Twisted Sister mentioning that everybody would get wiener. There is no photographic evidence however (not here anyway. You may want to try your luck on some other site).

Get a life! Two milestones this week:

  1. Hardly at 1350 runs
  2. Twisted Sister at 1350 runs

What a coincidence, say you? Nah. Despite being married for a bazillion years, these two always ensure that they come together.

  • I can only assume King Shit is pointing out the resemblance?

On-On!

*If you want more accurate scribblings, write them yourself!

Run

2170 – School’s out for summer run

Hares : Ms A. Pussy, Ms H. Cheeks, Ms, P. Monkey-Spanker
Where: Pearce Estate Park, 440 17a St SE, Calgary
Attendance : 39
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

This was by far the HOTTEST run of the year, expertly set by our teacher-harriettes (if I do say so myself*. ). The pack was delighted to be offered refreshing snacks , and two recesses while on trail. Because our harriettes believe in equal opportunities and “no hashers left behind”, they set up a Hash Hold towards the end of trail, ensuring that the whole group came together.

No milestones this week, but a couple of noobs:

  1. Andra (Hung Loose’s delightful offspring)
  2. Cum on ‘er (ex Red Deer, now 100% CH3)
  3. Wet Spot (idem)

Speaking of noobs: we also had the second cumming of noobie John. It was explained to him that he doesn’t need Strap-On Crampon to come. He can come by himself.

Because Red Deer Hashers don’t have the level of sophisti-ma-cations that us Calgarians have, Cum on ‘er was spotted urinating on trail. Tsk Tsk.

On-On!

*If you want impartial scribblings, write them yourself!

Run

2169 – Another Pyro 69

Hares : Pyro
Where : Baker Park, Bowness
Attendance : 26
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

Our return to near-normal hashing habits had a few archived hashers come out of the WOODwork (namely: Insane Bolt, Hung Loose and Liquor Lots’s dad Denis).

3/4 of last week’s virgins came for the second time (Tom, Chuck – aka Trouble Maker – and Aichee) . It’s nice to see that we put off only 25% of newcummers.

Despite his old age, Pyro proved that he can still make us wet, give us wood(s), and make it last too! He likes to keep us going for a long time. Hump the Shark commented that he got in balls deep, so Pyro must have done something right. It was unclear if Pyro got help from Insane Bolt or not, as the latter was sighted so far off trail (even by Dastardly’s standards) that he clearly had no idea of where he was going.

Hardly was sorry to have missed the bum floss paddle boarder, but made up for it by spotting a slippery wet beaver.

Mmmmmmh Ladyfingers was trying to pawn off her goods for money, whilst PMS was quite happy giving hers away for free. Multiple hashers came away satisfied.

Get a LIFE! Two milestones this week:

  1. Hump the Shark ran his 169th run;
  2. Princess Monkey Spanker celebrated her 350th.

On-On!

Run

2168 – Don’t be Bitter, It is you Sister!

Hares : Daisy Duke
Where : Parking Lot near Bitter Sisters, SW corner of Heritage Drive & Haddon Road SW
Attendance : Twenty… nine*
(*walkers and runners formed two separate groups of fewer than 20)

As the Calgary Hash House Harriers entered Stage 2 of Reopening the Hash, we introduced our CH3’s Open for Hashing Plan, in 10 simple and sometimes redundant measures:

  • Trails are set for Monday nights.
  • Run/walks begin at 7:00 pm for everyone
  • Circle up at 7:00 pm
  • All trails will have fully supported regroups
  • Hash cash will be reinstated at $5 per run
  • Down Downs will be outside
  • On the Piss: hashers can congregate after the run in any local pub, within current restriction
  • TGIF’s will no longer be virtual; they will be the typical random shit shows
  • Masks are not required outside
  • 2 metres distance must be maintained between members of different households

As this was the first regular hash in over 14 months, the hashing gods sent us not one, not two, but FOUR virgins. Tom, Jon, Aichee and Chuck showed up for one of the longest trails in recent hashtory. It also happened to be a scorcher of a day. They were troupers, though, and stuck it out to the bitter (sisters’) end.

This trail confirmed that Daisy likes ’em long (even longer than Hump the Shark). What a sizist. He also conveniently “lost” the onesie of shame while on trail. Luckily, a replacement Hash Shit was made available during down-downs.

Two milestones this week:

  1. Pyro (the legend) ran his 1269th run
  2. That firecracker Strap On Crampon celebrated her 100th. She happened to be wearing a Pyro vintage shirt and brought virgin Jon with her (featured). It’s a beautiful thing when the hash goes full circle. It brings beers to our eyes.
Pyro – 1269 runs
Strap On Crampon (right) – 100 runs
Walkers, at the big H.

On-On!

Run

2167 – Southern Hump Run

Hares : Hump the Shark
Where : The Berwick Public House, 356 Cranston Road NE
Attendance : 23 (running in multiple groups of fewer than 10)

They’ve got the moves like Jagger.

Q: What’s long and goes up at a 45% gradient?
A: Hump the Shark’s t(r)ail.

True to himself, Hump the Shark took us on an extended run up and down hills, across waters and through wooded areas. Because he’s such a class act, we were met with a cooler full of beers at the end.

Scavenger Hunt Items

  • Hooters
  • Bird Condominium
  • Babbling Brook
  • Dragonfly
  • Nitwit
  • Mountains
  • Grader
  • Teddy bears

One milestone this week: Abandoned Pussy rode her way through her 369th. To celebrate, Strap-On Crampon cracked open her special bottle of Cask Strength Alberta Premium Rye.

Hashers’ balance and remarkable core strength ensured that no one fell in.

Absolutely NO fucking ONE.

Yours truly, PMS

ON ON!

Run

2166 – Frogs, not only in Québec

Hares : Lay’em in Snow & Dastardly (again!)
Where : End of 40 Ave and Varsity Road NE
Attendance : 23 (running separately, some from remote prairie locations)

Dastardly, who can’t seen to wanna stop haring, offered his assistance to other fellow Master Trail Setter Lay’em In Snow. They braved snakes and amphibians to set us a record setting trail that featured big wood, red-tipped cocks (or was it red-winged blackbirds?), beavers and a huge hole.

World’s Longest Scavenger Hunt list

  • 4-plex birdhouse
  • world’s biggest check
  • inaccessible island
  • red-winged blackbirds
  • port-a-potty
  • swimming dogs
  • big log with a H on it
  • future hoodoos
  • Cliff swallows (at least that’s what he says)
  • beaver house
  • mountain bikers

Not many hashers are as into bird watching as Dastardly and Lay’em apparently are (we’re into a different kind of bird watching), so no one completed the scavenger hunt. Slippy Thong was reportedly too busy scanning the ground for reptiles to notice anything else.

Hump The Shark lost his car keys in the wilderness, which put him in the awkward situation of not having access to his beer at the regroup. Fear not, dear reader, some generous and selfless hashers provided Hump with libations, proving once again that the hash will always be there for you in your worst moments of need.

On-On!

A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers