Hares : Lying Sack Of Shit
Where: Local 403, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE
Attendance : 21
This Monday’s trail was intended to be a co-run with runner/walkers of the Run21 running group. Runners from the Run21 group could run with us or run their own trail. Everyone ended trail at the regroup and then down downs were held on the patio of Local 403.
Hares : Twisted Sister and Hardly
Where: Beddington Theatre Arts Centre, Calgary
Attendance : 26 + a baby (for all candidates to kiss)
Monday was Erections Day! The main erection being – of course – the nomination and advent of the hash’s new mismanagement team: a bunch of inept misfits, doing a job they don’t really want to do for very little recognition.
Your new mismanagement, in reverse order of importance, are:
Hashmaster(s) — Our glorious leaders: Lay Em in Snow & Skewbic Hair
Jointmaster Booty Camp
Sexitary King Shit
Under The Influencer — (anti) social media stuff Nev-R-bin _____
Religious Advisor Coordinator Rashy Bush
Haberdasher aka. Hash Trash Daisy Duke
Awardinator Daisy Duke
Beer Meister Stool Stuffer
Beer Wench Snow Blower & Hump The Shark
Hash Cash Slippy Thong, Hot Cheeks & Mmm… Ladyfingers
Übergeek (Webmaster) King Shit
Üntergeek (ass. Webmaster) Skewbic Hair, Snevil, Sucks Everything & Abandoned Pussy
Hash Horn Baby & Daisy Duke
International Membership Recruiter and Remote Scribe Princess Monkey Spanker
But before that, trail was set and, like for every erections, marked with little fishies. Beers and goldfish crackers were also part of the event.
On-on!
PMS
Hares : The BooBlow (Booty Camp and Snow Blower)
Where: Felker Park, Calgary
Attendance : 27.5 (27 + one half pint)
The Hash’s loudest burpers stepped up to the plate again and gave us the gift of trail. One that could be followed to boot! Thank you.
There are a few pictures available of this week’s trail, although Stool Stuffer’s meat stole the show on the Facebook feed.
This virgin very bravely brought his very small child to his first hash. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
And now for the main event: Stooly’s meat.
On out!
Wish you were here,
PMS
Hares : King Shit
Where: Arthur O. Wheeler Hut, BC
Attendance : 7 (as per BC health measures)
With views this breathtaking, no wonder this event warranted its own run number! (But really, it was only King Shit’s scheme to ensure he secures his lead in “most runs run at the Calgary Hash House Harriers”.)
5 Calgary Hashers and 2 Ottawa Hashers joined in this year’s CH3 hiking event at the ACC Wheeler Hut. It wasn’t all work and no play, though. There were libations too, judging by the photographic evidence left on the Facebook page.
PMS Out,
ON ON!
Hares : Was there one? Lying Sack of Shit said he was…
Where: Joyce on 4th, Calgary AB
Attendance : 10
S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L,
Shitty trail, (It sucked!)
Shitty trail, (It really sucked!)
The motherlover set a shitty trail;
I’d rather drink another beer
Than run your shitty trail.
S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L
I guess that’s what we get for entrusting LSOS to “live hare” at the last minute! No one found trail. Thankfully only ten suckers showed up this week (and that’s including the hare!)
Let that be a lesson for everyone! People better sign up to hare.
Hares : Snevil and Hardly
Where: Nose Hill, Calgary AB
Attendance : 21
A bit of a bitter sweet event, as Snevil had her car broken into as she was setting trail! The loot? A bunch of hash clothes that would fit literally no one else but Sneevz herself. Oh, and a BEER! They stole a whole can of beer. No scruples, no honor.
We are narrowing it down to a few suspects. The usual.
The run was no doubt majestic, considering the experience and athleticism of your hares.
Photos and more details will be added if anything is posted on social media. The pack is pretty tight lipped about this one…
On out!
Hares : Abandoned Pussy
Where: Hull’s Wood, Fish Creek
Attendance : 20?
AP invited the pack to enjoy Hull’s Wood this Monday night. (Who the hell is Hull anyway??) The evening was brisk, so there must have been significant shrinkage.
Regroup and down downs happened at the circle benches – where AP planned to “do cult like things, like sacrifice virgins” (her words). There are not reports of sacrificed virgins, however.
This scribe was not present, so here are some trail reviews found on Yelp:
Hot Cheeks
“Shiggy was on point tonight! Lots of it and a fun trail! Drizzle for the down downs but of course with beer in hand, we did not melt. Thanks AP!!”
Skewbic Hair
“That’s a pretty big piece of chalk!“
On on!
Hares : Princess Monkey Spanker
Where: Boobie Grove (Bebo Grove), 13610 24 St SW, Calgary, AB
Attendance : 30 + 3 half pints
Finally, PMS gets to talk about herself in the third person. She’s very pleased about that.
PMS opted to set one last trail mere days before she embarks on her European adventure. [Wave at the eastbound Westjet flight you see on Friday night (19:30ish)]
The hare was concerned for the pack’s health and well-being (the Air Quality Health Index was at 9 when trail was set), so hashers had the option to keep it short and sweet. Luckily the AQHI went way down to 3 by 7pm so keeners/race-ists were safely able to follow the Eagle trail if they so chose. The trail was absolutely stellar, if I do say so myself.
Harrierette OPP “didn’t know” about the new shoe rule (i.e. you never wear new shoes hashing) and tried to pull the wool over the RA’s eyes by changing into her old runners for down downs. And a down down she got! From her old shoe! She took it like a champ, though.
Basher Hung Loose showed up after the run in perfectly fitted 501’s and loafers, for which he got the new Hat Shit (Safety Third!). Wanting to atone for his sins, he even volunteered to drink out of his slip-on.
A milestone, a naming and a virgin this week:
• Snow Blower has been blowing for 169 weeks. Lucky Booty Camp!
• Business in the Back’s buddy David will henceforth be known to us as “Lazy Cummer“. He was supposedly too lazy to come when he and B.i.B went off trail and into the bushes.
• Liquor Lots’s friend Alicia came out! She is unlikely to come back, as she is apparently moving to Bermuda! Fuck you, Alicia!
On On (and Fuck off!)
Hares : Dementia
Where: Local 403, 380 Canyon Meadows Dr SE
Attendance : 21
After over a year’s absence (I think?) Harrierette Dementia finally remembered about the hash and even offered to hare. Dementia’s trails are like a box of penises, you never know what you’re gonna get. This one was very short, yet Dementia was convinced that it was twice as long as what we measured.
Dementia also forgot how to mark and used a variety of marks such as batman masks and orange balloons.
A momentous milestone this week: Dastardly entered the new millennium. To celebrate his 1000th run, Dastardly was handed a yard of beer, which he downed with much aplomb.
In other news, we had a threesome of virgins: newly named “Business in the back” made his friend David come, Never Bin brought a friend (Jen?) and Rashy Bush brought the fruit of her loin (Anna?).
On-On!
Hares : Booty Camp & Snow Blower
Where: Murdoch Park, 9 St NE & Centre Ave NE
Attendance : 26
The hash’s sexiest couple (the Boo-Blow) had the pack tickled pink with a delightful trail that would have made the Grand Ol’ Duke of York proud.
Because it was a holiday trail, most hashers were expecting a slightly shorter affair. But in a shocking turn of events, the Boo-Blow kept us going for over 5k. (This was the opposite scenario to last week’s short trail shocker.)
No milestones this week, but a hasher was Pabst™ized (i.e. named). This week, Just Jonathan finally managed to make himself come (without the assistance of Strap On Crampon). Few people recognized him as he had shed his facial hair and lost his mullet. He also made the BIG mistake of mentioning the Half-M-Word he ran a few weeks prior. A few names were briefly considered (1. Cums By Himself, 2. Half Wit), before settling on a winner (courtesy of Frogodile Hunter). John will henceforth be known to the hash as: “Business in the Back“.
Speaking of: after regroup, Froggie did some shady back alley deals that can honestly be described as “grabbing cans for pussies”. Make of it what you will.
On on!
