Hares: Daisy Deux-ke (what a Cutie Patwotie) Where: Sandy Beach Park – West Access, Calgary, AB T2T 2V2 On-In: Wild Rose Brewing, Calgary, AB Attendance: 22 (no it wasn’t, but let’s just say it was)
Looks like someone cooked the books for this run. Run #2222, on 22/2/22?? What a koinkidenk! The hares planned a run of 2.2+km with a start time of 7:22pm.
What wasn’t pre-planned however, is that the temperature at that time proved 2 be a serendipitous -22°C.
T’was another chilly night in the great white north and only true hashers are committed enough to come out when Weather Canada issues Extreme Cold Warnings.
We had visitors from Canmore, a virgin and wildlife on trail! What else could you ask for?
Hares: Scoobie and the Return of the Dastardly Where: Southland Leisure Centre, Calgary, AB On-In: Swigs Pub & Grill, Calgary, AB Attendance: 10?? That’s it?! RA: Tighty Whitey
Well, well, well. Look what the hare dragged in. If it isn’t Dastardly.
🎵Guess who’s back, back again? Das’dly’s back, tell a friend 🎶
It is fitting that these two BFF’s would get bromantic on V-Day and set trail together, with marks as “special” as their special relationship.
Scoob promised a trail “easy to find, hard to follow”, whatever that means. Although Snevil was heard saying: “There were 4 true trail runners, and [the hares] lost us….”.
Supposedly, lots of preparation went into setting this trail: hares went on and on and ooooon about how it took them 2 ½ hours to set.
Attendance was quite low this week, maybe on account of it being Valentine’s Day?? King Shit posited that attendees included a handful of singletons, two hash couples (the Har-ty and the Skew-ky) and people who have been hashing for sooo long that their partners probably kicked them out of the house (King Shit, Snevil and Tighty Whitey).
We did have a couple of bashers: in true royal fashion, Hash-friendly Kim waved at admirers from her balcony. She was happy to join the pack for post run revelries but she won’t expand any energy going from A to B on anything but a bike or skis.
Another basher was Mucky Dip, who ran from her house at the end of down downs.
The paparazzi, waiting for her Royal Highness Kim
In honour of Valentine’s Day, Hardly and Twisty both went down on trail, but not on each other. It is said that everyone went down on this trail… Lucky trail! It was so slippery that it gave some hashers ideas for a new Olympic event.
Tighty Whitey was RA. He says he was “awesome” (his own words). Yet others said that he handled things hard and fast. It’s all a matter of perspective.
While some f&^%ers were sucking on piña coladas somewhere hot (and rubbing our faces in it), the rest of us were slumming it, not able to travel anywhere – or worse: self isolating on account of the ‘Vid!
But luckily for us, we have the BootyBlower, the hashing Power couple whose trails always offer us a dream and escape from dreary daily drudgery.
For instance, today’s trail basically took the pack all around Texas… kinda…
They gave us hills and viewpoints.
Who needs “Mehico” when we’ve got such a crew of cool cats right here at home?
Mucky Dip, athlete extraordinaire, unfairly punished for being Front Running Harrierette.
Hares: Stool Stuffer (and Rashy Bush) Where: Bumblebee Park, Calgary, AB Attendance: 13
Here’s another hare who is really pulling his weight during this pandemic; he sets more than his fair share of trails. The name of the run is a little dramatic. No, no one is leaving for good. Stoolie (and Rashy) just set the final run in January before fucking off to to Mexico to drink the Corona for a few weeks. Let’s hope they don’t rub it in our face with unending Facebook posts of sunshine, sea and margaritas.
Hashers present: Oozle Pizzle Panties Lying Sack Of Shit King Shit Liquor Lots Hump the Shark Slippy Thong Skewbic Hair Mucky Dip Lay ‘em In Snow Hardly Twisted Sister Stool Stuffer Dastardly
“Hares lie” – Snevil
The hare said only a small portion of the trail was icy and that runners probably wouldn’t need spikes.
TURNS OUT, the trail was 80% pure ice, and spikes were definitely needed . Liquor Lots and Hardly both went down (not on each other) in different parts of the trail. LL even has the war wounds to show for it.
OPP forgot how to use her headlamp so was made fun of for that. Yet somehow, she managed to offload the hash shit that she had since October!
Scooby’s hash shit went to his beautiful wife. She was punished for excessive fraternization with the walkers (pick a side, Mucky!!).
Scooby was only hash shit-less for 2 minutes as he inherited OPP’s, for reasons unclear, other than the fact that we like to punish Scooby.
The hares not only set trail, but also brought the beer for regroup, which they chilled. A real classy move on their part. They also arranged for an On In at 722 World Bier Haus.
Hares: Lay’em in Snow Where: Castle Mountain Resort, ‘berta On In: T-Bar Attendance: 16 RA: Abandoned Pussy, probably
This anal ski trip is an opportunity for the select few who found the golden shower ticket to gather at Castle Mountain, ski during the day and hit the T-Bar.
What happens in Castle stays in Castle, except for the few tales, videos and photos that were leaked on social media. Here is what (we gather and guess) happened:
people skied and bitched about the snow
Hot Cheeks brought the ShotSki out
hashers went into the hot tub
Skewbic Hair stole other hashers’ beers
Lay’em In Snow offered to take people to his secret little babbling brook and be one with nature
hashers stumbled around the parking lot and called it a numbered hash run.
Hares: Hardly and Twisted Sister (and probably Dastardly) Where: Confederation Park (again), Calgary, AB Attendance: 15 RA: Rashy Bush
Even though Dastardly wasn’t officially on the hares list, we all know he must have been involved somehow, since he can’t keep his dirty paws off of other people’s trails these days.
Hardly and Twisty (and Dastardly) are always very prepared and plan their trail weeks in advance. Yet, last week’s hares changed their start of trail to this exact same location at the last minute. This must have thrown Hardly and Twisty (and Dastardly) for a loop and made marking their trail that much harder.
Hares set trail on Sunday and warned everyone to bring their strap-ons and that there was a very high possibility of people going down on trail.
Head? who said head? I’ll have some of that!
Hares also suggested that hashers be ready to whip out their wood after trail.
No Milestones tonight but there was one New Boot. Her name is Christa. Let’s see if we scared her off or if we’re lucky enough to see her face back next week.
Hares: Daisy Duke and – who else – Dastardly! Where: Confederation Park, Calgary, AB Attendance: 20 RA: Rashy Bush
This week, shockingly, Dastardly (always the bridesmaid, never the bride) was co-hare, *yet again*. It sure looks like he has nothing better to do with himself. What is it, three in a row now? Four? More?
The weather forecast called for a steep drop in temperature right after the 7 o’clock circle up time. And then snow squalls happened, and wind gusts.
Apparently it was too windy for pictures, save for this gem:
Hot Cheeks cruising for cheap hookers. What does a fiver get you these days?
Regardless of weather, Daisy’s trails are always a surprise: some are short (but hard), while others are long (and hard). Some are growers, not showers*.
*throwback to 2012. Picture this: Daisy sets trail. After 5K of running, the pack comes back within spitting distance of the On In (bar). We all think it’s over. Yaaay, beer! But nah. He has us veer left and running for another 6K! Lemme tell ya: it’s been 10 years and I still haven’t forgiven him.
Maybe he’s learned from his sins because this time, he provided the group with a Turkey/Eagle split. Turkey/Eagle splits allow wannabe athletes to go for longer distances while the lazy asses take the shorter route. In this case Daisy Duke basically tour-guided the Turkeys along the Turkey trail, while Dastardly probably FRB’ed the Eagle trail, despite being hare.
Speaking of athletes: Slippy Thong and Lying Sack of Shit came back from their trip to Tanzania, hiking up Mt Kilimanjaro. Poor them. Sounds awful. Lying Sack mentioned how sorry he was to have missed the -38°C run from a few weeks back. Should we believe him? He is – after all – a Lying Sack of Shit.
This week again, walkers and Turkeys huddled up in their cars whilst awaiting the return of the prodigal Eagles.
Milestones: Bootie Camp celebrated her 269th (where was Snow Blower for this 69 action??)
Archives: Business in the Back is BACK. He finally deigned show his face (and his back) after weeeeeeks of absence.
Hares: Lay’em and Lay’em’s little helper (Dastardly) Where: Riley Park NW Fire pit, Calgary, AB Attendance: 17 RA: Hump The Shark
Because Lay’em’s trails always take our breath away (literally and figuratively), we knew to expect views, vistas and vigorous exercise. He even delivered balmy weather (some might even say downright sweltering). This was setting very high expectations for our new boot André. We’d better lower the bar next week or else he’ll think that’s the norm!
Hare “Lay’em In Snow”
Co-hare Dastardly and supermodel AP
Archive OPP, that fair weather hasher, missed the whole cold spell of the past ten weeks. She must have been abducted by aliens because her long absence made her forget all hash rules and protocol* (namely how to circle up, how down downs work and how not to touch someone else’s hash shit). Speaking of, this week’s hash shit exchange was a clusterf*&k of epic proportions. Hot Cheeks – who knows how to work the system – managed to offload hers while still getting free beer. In the end:
Daisy Duke inherited the hat shit
Skewbic Hair and OPP landed a plunger each.
Nope. It hasn’t been washed.
Skewbic Hair and Daisy Duke both proved inept at handling their wood. Scoob’s wood turned out to be wet and sloppy while Daisy needed a flame thrower and gasoline to get his fired up. Ultimately, Daisy was more successful at getting people’s loins hot.
Handsome fellas Skewbic Hair and Daisy Duke
We had two milestones (a.k.a Get-a-Life Awards) this week:
Daisy Duke has made himself cum 250 times.
Lay’em had his 750th runs (and apparently went down on trail to celebrate)
Hares: Scoobie and Dastardly Where: Heritage Park – Big H, Calgary, AB Attendance: 10
If you don’t hash regularly with the Calgary Hash House Harriers, you probably don’t know that Skewbic Hair (Scoobie) is obsessed with the Big H at the entrance of Heritage Park. In fact, he’s obsessed with the Reservoir as a whole and even has his secret little drinking spot there somewhere. If he likes you enough, he may even let you in on the secret.
Today, Skewbic (with the help of the Dastard) took the pack through his regular stomping grounds. Hashers found that trail was well marked, despite the hare’s forewarning that some marks may have disappeared on Sunday night. Scoobie used a combination of “yellow” flagging (that’s his use of quotation marks), red chalk, green chalk and white chalk to keep the pack titillated. Trail was around 4km short.
Because of the inclement weather, down down were kept to a minimum:
The hares were sung the F-R-E-E-Z-Y T-R-A-I-L song (a surprising twist on the ol’ S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L)
Snevil offloaded the hat shit back to Hot Cheeks, who showed no gratitude whatsoever for the extra warmth. (The offence? Excessive F-bombing… Who knew that was offensive?? 🤷)
Daisy Duke was called out for trying to impersonate Nanook of the North (I’m assuming he was wearing his thrift store bearskin coat).
King Shit had a senior moment and confused Hardly with Dreary.
Lay ’em In Snow was called out for… walking ?
Hashers are never cold.
“Hardly cold at all” – Liquor Lots.
OnOn! PMS
A Drinking Club with a Running Problem — The Calgary Hash House Harriers
